I think if the relationship is strong enough and the partners respect and love and understand each other enough (ie all other needs are being met), then the issue of sex (or lack thereof) may arise, but that it really isn't the be all and end all.

Sex is generally only a major issue in a relationship when there are other issues. This cuts both ways, with men and women, demanding and withholding.

IF there is a PHYSICAL reason why sex may be off the cards for an extended time, then although it may cause occaisional tensions, for the most part it is accepted by both partners and not a mahor relationship issue. It is when there are other underlying issues, or when the reason sex is not occurring is not physical, that sex becomes a sticking point.

After DD, it was at least 6 months before I could even bring myself to attempt sex again. Physically, I still hadn't healed (3rd degree tearing). It was painful and horrible and not enjoyable at all. We only had sex a handful of times in the following 6months. Of Course DH wanted it, but he understood. We talked about it regularly. If we had of had other issues it could have been the potiential for major issues; but although he didn't like it, it wasn't the end of the world. He knew it wasn't off the cards forever, he knew it wasn't because I just couldn't be bothered, or didn't want too. I physically couldn't.

With DS1 he only had to wait 3months. With DS2 it was only 6weeks.
Sometimes we have sex more often then not, sometimes we can go longer periods without it. But wether we do or not it generally due to physical reasons, not emotional or psychological ones, it isn't because of underlying issues.

I don't think women just giving their husbands sex regularly is going to help a relationship in trouble. The underlying issues are still going to be their, and just 'doing your marital duties' is just temporarily painting over the cracks. The question isn't about how often you are having sex, but rather 'why' are you not having sex? If it is a purely physical reason - a good relationship will survive and flourish despite this. If it is because of other emotional, psychological reasons, then those reasons need to be dealt with, because these can damage a relationship.


In a good relationship, sex really is just the icing on the cake. The cake is alot better with the icing, but it is the cake that is most important. Because if the cake is horrible or crumbling, it doesn't matter how good or how much icing there is or not. If the cake is good, it can still taste great without fabulous icing, although it can definitely be better if the icing is good too, or if there is at least promise that the icing is going to improve at some point in the future.