Liz - I think its really hard looking back at newborn stages, cos you've gone through all the bad stuff - memory has faded a little bit, and you know you've survived - everyone is alive and well - so its like.. hmm..yup, I could DEFINITELY do that again!!!! Then you get there and its like.. ahhh.. crap... this is what it was like!!!! lol
(Although I got pretty lucky 2nd time around - don't know if I'll be tempting fate going for a 3rd cos DD is such an easy baby to look after!!)
IMO, the feeling never truly goes away - you can tuck it away in a box and put it in the darkest corner of your mind, but it is always still *there* kwim? My situation was a little bit different to yours - we didn't have this issue till we were going from 3 to 4 (we had both said all along that 4 would be a great number to have and possibly even 5) and there were times when I felt resolved with not having 4 and I think I really did feel happy with 3 for a little while (and that coincided with DD2 being fully TT and growing up out of the toddler stage completely), but then time went on and DH said that he'd like another, but I wasn't ready and then more time would pass and I would want another and he didn't so it was a lot of too-ing and fro-ing there for a while till we finally decided that this was *it* and the time was right. Have I regretted it? Not on your life. Has the urge gone now? YES LOL. I feel complete now and life is great. I do still get pangs for another one when I hear of someone having another (especially if its their #5) but fat lot of good it would do me cause DH had the snip LOL. So in some respect I don't think the urge/desire ever goes away 100% because afterall we are women and mothers and some of that is hormonally driven too kwim?
Good luck with it all though, I hope you can find peace with it soon (either way you decide to go)
Ok when I was UTD with #2 we found out she was to be a girl so both BHL and I said we were done as been preggers doent agree with me... So I was happy we were to have one of each... But the day she was born and I look down apone her face I told BHL that I am not done that she isnt my last....
Hence we now have three... After my 3rd I said I was done if people ask I said we were done, that I was happy with three and thats it for us.... But when she turned 1 I lost it was so very upset that my baby was growing up so fast and told BHL I wasnt done that I really feel the need to have another, At the time he was ok with it but now he isnt so sure the closer it gets to the time where I had said that I want to TTC ( April 09 ) the less and less happy he is about it...
So I too wonder how much do I really want this, if we go for a 4 th will in ruin the relationship I have with BHL ( I would only go ahead if he is happy with it ) would I cope with 4... But every one I have asked about having a 4 th has said once you have 3 you can cope with more... So like you I guess I hope you just know I hope that the urge does go... But I know the urge for a 4th hasnt dulled for me yet so I know that if I dont have a 4th ( or at least TTC the 4th ) I may just regret it and begruge BHL for latter on...So for us only time will tell... Maybe after we move and settle and the blooming market settles BHL will feel better for it...
BTW my mum has alway said you just know when you are done and like Bath said you dont feel sad when your little one grows you just enjoy watching them do it... ( but she had 7 so i always thought no wonder you knew you were done )
Oh your post reminds me of where I was about a year ago. When we fell pg with #2 I knew that Dh only wanted two. I guess I always thought I would talk him around... Anyway shortly after DD was born he was ready for some permanent BC. He even asked the OB if he could tie my tubes after the birth? WTF anyway I refused and it was a Catholic hospital anyway :-) So he signed himself up for a vasectomy and now we are offically infertile.
That period between having my DD and when he got the vastectomy done was gut wrenching. I desperately wanted another baby but I didn't know if it was simply because I knew I couldn't or if I really did want another baby? At times I was happy with my 2 gorgeous ones but at other times I knew we were meant to be a family of five. In the end it was hopeless as DH was adament about only having 2 and pushing a 3rd would have strained our relationship to breaking point.
We are now in a very happy place with our 2 gorgeous kids. It has taken me all this time to be OK with not having a 3rd. I still get a twinge when I see newborns and pregnant people but we are focused on the next stage now and have it clearly in sight. I found it handy to set some goals that we couldn't acheive with three - overseas holidays, time to myself to do my hobbies etc and it is working! I often consider donating eggs or similar as I feel it is such a waste for me to be able to have kids and not while others struggle - I wish they would invent a way to transplant a uterus as I would happily give mine away :-)
The thought of giving things away was (and still is) a little hard although I am doing it gradually to people who really need it so it is giving me a good feeling as they go.
So in a long winded answer to your question, yes the urge to have more does go away. i also wondered if after I had #3 if I would want #4 and I think the answer would be yes I would. I found 2 kids was much easier than one and would have loved to had a huge famiy full of kids but I am very happy with where we are now - and live though friends and online friends pregnancy instead :-) - bonus no morning sickness
to be honest although i know the urges will be hard for me to deal with after this bubs is born but for us its more for finacial reasons that we wont be having more. we'd need bigger cars, house etc....
I was so sure that baby #3 would be our last, and up until Matilda was 1 year old I still thought that. But that urge came back. Slowly at first, but now that my 'baby' is about to turn 2 the desire to be pregnant again is oh so strong. DH is back and forth. One minute he wants to have a fourth, the next he doesn't. Doesn't help that TTC is just not working atm. It is taking much longer this time than with any of the others. Anyway, four kids will definitely be our limit. It has to be - even if the 'urge' came back after having #4, which I know it would, my head would have to overrule my heart. Besides, we will make it an impossibility by getting DH the snip.
I have just had my 5th and I'm now wondering if maybe we should try for 6 lol. DF is going for the snip in 8 weeks so maybe the decision will be taken out of our hands. Anyway if we go for more then never mind the tarago we will need a bus lol
Liz - As you know DH and I were angonising over the same question...Well as you know my urge got the better of me and number 3 is on the way. I already feel that this is it and once number 3 comes I'll be complete feeling.
It is interesting to face the possibility of never having another bub. I have witnessed a lot of my friends draw the line in the sand and say enough is enough, however the decision seemed to need a mourning process. I guess when you decide not to have anymore apart of your life has completed, your body has done the job is was born to do and now there is nothing. Even though this bub is the last with me I think I'll go through a bit of grieving.
I'm definately feeling complete after having my third. The urge has completely left me so i know my preggy days are over - so much so that i got them to clamp my tubes while they were delivering Isla. I know if i'd listened to my head and stopped at 2 then i would have always been wondering and yearning. I followed my heart and am very glad i did.
I can't say whether it's right for you or not but i would say follow your heart, you'll know.
all the best for the decision making ,although thi sthread was started a while back so you may have already decided!
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