Oh yeah, the whole housing thing is one of those classed under my heading of "the infuriating way Defence complicates even the simplest of life processes" .
Having said that, we shouldn't complain too much, I could tell you stories about the way it used to be 20 years ago...that housing stock has since all been sold/renovated and the basic standards they've implemented recently include much better standards on things like aircon (we never had it, even in Darwin, at all in any room, until 1996) and minimum required living room space, door/window security, outdoor shade.
Freya, we have twice lived in 4 bedroom houses without that entitlement, once when we moved at short notice (8 days from notification to marching in) when I was 6 months pregnant, and once when the house we had locked down was of such poor standard that they didn't want to pay the money to fix a heap of basic things that needed to be fixed before we would move in (we're talking basic things like putting shelves inside cupboards that were empty holes with no fixtures inside). The house was substandard, hadn't been inspected in quite some time, & it wasn't worth their money to fix it. No whinging required. I've done my time in substandard houses in the early days and now we deserve better. Instead we were shown a number of houses that were all empty but none of them were on homefind (go figure?) - several of which were 4-bedders. Having said that, in the same area I visited plenty of other defence families who were living in much nicer/larger/newer houses than ours so ours was pretty fair-to-middling compared.
I dont begrudge that Mary not at all, and housing has definately improved since I was a little kid. I just think the entitlement standards are total bull. And extremely discriminatory. There is no way we should have to squish a family of 5 or more into a 3bedder with all the stress thats undertaken moving every few years, let alone into a 3bedder townhouse (which is what we are currently in) when loopholes mean couples with even no kids are in a house thats 3x to big for them!
That said; I think its only particular DHAs that are beyond crap. Ive had great experiences with Albury/Wodonga and Townsville DHA being more than helpful and bending the rules if they think its warranted. Sydney however I could describe with several four letter words and still not convey my feelings on their disgusting service and attitude.
For what we have to sacrifice and undertake on the military's part as "all part of the job" I think we deserve better care and service.
I agree, the whole housing thing is such a horrible source on ongoing stress - definitely agree with you that DHA in some locations is far more helpful and accommodating than others, and also that there is often a horrid mismatch between families and appropriate houses. The homefind system was supposed to fix all of that - but it really doesn't work - there's not enough info up and it's clear to me that there are a number of properties that get assigned without ever making it onto homefind as well.
I believe they keep a fair few properties off homefind to force people into accomodation that isnt appropriate, whether its in their classification or not! Wrong on so many levels and it should be their call to make.
Am feeling a little frustrated with the army at the moment, not that any of it is really anyones fault dh is on jlc out at moorebank. This is really good as it means that despite him being on course he's not away and can come home most nights. However, as with most army courses there is a field phase. He leaves for 9 days on the 20th of June. Ds turns one on the 23rd o June
Here in lies my winge. Dp misses his first childs first birthday I know it could be alot worse but I'm still a little sad about it. And when I mention bein sad about it dh gets upset and says "there's nothing I can do about it tara!" I know that, but it doesn't stop me from being annoyed.
Anyway, thought I'd winge here cause I've gotta stop wingeing to dh cause it make him feel guilty and upset. I don't want to do that
Tara. The reality of Defence family life is you sacrifice so much that is never acknowledged or repaid. It used to infuriate me that whenever I was expressing feelings about this (DH being away for *yet another* significant life event) - instead of just acknowledging how I was feeling and apologising (like I would) he would get into some weird justification thing - like he had to explain "why" it was ok for the ADF to make those demands . I can tell ya at one stage it nearly broke our marriage...until the penny finally dropped (him) that he'd better start understanding and acknowleding how hard it is on me. How much I give over for the sakes of his job while he swans around racking up medals/status/free lifetime healthcare.
DH was away for DD2's 1st birthday too - if it's any consolation he felt like **** the whole day and some time before and afterwards. In your case it's a pretty short trip away so try to focus on the fact that you can still celebrate together, even if it's a couple of days early or a week later, kwim? And then do whatever YOU need to on the day to make it special, even if you invite some friends over for cupcakes or a play at the park, kwim.
Sending you big hugs tara. Its such a hard situation and no-one really understands how hard it is for us. DH is in the RAAF and he missed our first wedding anniversary and most of my last trimester with ds (he only made it back from a trip by 4 days before ds decided to make his early appearance). I used to find it so hard as none of our civi friends understood what i went through when dh was away for weeks on end, no one got how i felt when dh went to work everyday and i didn't know if he would be sent on another trip, and no-one understands the stress we go through when we are alone on special days. I would always whinge to dh about it but as you say, they feel bad about it too but there is often nothing that they can do. Plus i think its harder for them coz they are away from their loved ones on special occasions. Make the day as special as you can for your little man and give him twice as many hugs and kisses to make up for daddy being away and when he gets back have a big celebration. Your special little man will be spoilt double!
Hi Tara I can totally understand and sending you a big hug. Same is happening for us, DH is on sub 1 then sub 4 this year, missing our 2nd anniversary, his bday and his first Fathers day... Luckily I am on Mat leave tghis year and maybe I can surprise him on a weekend with a visit but he will effectively be away for 3 months boo hoo lol...Not looking fwd to feeling like a single parent. Their 1st birthday is a massive milestone and I hope hope hope my dh is around for that but no guarantees hey?
Oh and I should add that both of us are in the army and are constantly being disappointed with leaving each other and juggling bosses who dont care about us personally but drive their own agendas constantly...Sucks but the pay is good and gives us the security we need in these uncertain times...lol
Hi there - just popping my head in here. DH is in the Navy and on Monday is off for 4 months. We've got a posting back to Canberra (should come through on paper on Tuesday). I'll move while he is away.
I am just feeling a little low and overwhelmed at the moment but not wanting to burden DH with it so trying to keep the happy face going!! I know I'll be fine by week 3 (the first two weeks apart are the worst). Anyway, just wanting some hugs and sympathy from others in similar situations!
Sorry to hear that your DH is going away My DH is in the Navy too and he went away for 6 months before our son was born. Luckily I was able to move up to Brisbane where all my family are.
Do you have any family or friends in Canberra? We just moved here about a month ago and I don't really know many people yet. I noticed that you DS is about a month older than mine - maybe we could introduce them
Have you found a place in Canberra yet? Anyway, hope you get through the next few weeks and your move goes well.
Hi Nat. Yep, my family is all over in the east (although scattered about). We moved over to the West from Canberra about 18 months ago and are now going back. We'll be moving over at the end of September so yes, it would be great to introduce our bubs. Oh and thanks for the hug!
Cass, those last few days before they leave are absolutely the pits, the first few weeks are hard until you get into the new rhythm. Don't be afraid to tell your DH how you are feeling, sometimes its best for the relationship (and your mental health) if you're able to maintain that honest communication throughout the separation.
Woop woop we are posted back to Enoggera!!!! That is the best news possible as my family are there and DH and I are working on the same base!!! V will go to daycare just off the base... Whew going back to work may not be as crappy as I thought...now to hget utd before my return (insert evil laugh here) Bummer we have to deal with the whole dha thing tho...
Well I said my goodbyes this morning - bubs and I went onboard to have a cuppa with DH (and to prolong the goodbye). Didn't wait for the ship to leave because that's just too sad - plus he's busy getting ready to sail. He just called me to say he loves me and misses me already (awwwww!). The good news is that I'll be busy over the next few weeks packing up house! Yep, fun stuff ahead Nattyfred dealing with DHA.
Aww Cas it's so awful to say goodbye! Good luck with the move.
Nat great news for u guys!!! I'd be so happy to go to brissy. DH got posted to Pucka next year eep! I'm not going tho well not at this stage. He is putting in a transfer to engineers so will wait and see what happens with that and another baby before we decide.
Hi ladies just found this thread and thought I would introduce myself. My name is Teresa, I am married to a raafie and we have a 6 month old son.
Hi nat
Cass 72 oh how sad I hope you have some good support and it looks like you do with all your family there I actually saw the best looking fitness thing in Canberra, Along the river was a bunch of women with prams all doing a curcuit I would have loved to do something like that here....
Ezymay!!!! Oh how fantastic you are UTD (I didnt se earlier!) Oh Pucka sounds ominous but funily enpough sh and I said If we were to get posted there we wouldnt mind...it being all country like I suppose appeals to us... Im coming down your way to do some admin sometime soon we def should catch up before I go I feel like such a slack**** because I really want to come see you Weve been doing a lot of staying home because V is in such a good routine with her sleeping but Im happy to if she is happy iykwim.... Ill be watching you...lol... to see what you decide. What is your DH planning on doing in engineers? My dh is a Geomatic Technician Instructor at sme and Im a mmt but my job is very hard to get into...
Hi Teresa! Where abouts in Adelaide are you? We lived all over as my dad was a raafie too. This is a great thread it took me ages to find it too
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dh is on jlc out at moorebank. This is really good as it means that despite him being on course he's not away and can come home most nights. However, as with most army courses there is a field phase. He leaves for 9 days on the 20th of June. Ds turns one on the 23rd o June 
Tara. The reality of Defence family life is you sacrifice so much that is never acknowledged or repaid. It used to infuriate me that whenever I was expressing feelings about this (DH being away for *yet another* significant life event) - instead of just acknowledging how I was feeling and apologising (like I would) he would get into some weird justification thing - like he had to explain "why" it was ok for the ADF to make those demands 
. I can tell ya at one stage it nearly broke our marriage...until the penny finally dropped (him) that he'd better start understanding and acknowleding how hard it is on me. How much I give over for the sakes of his job while he swans around racking up medals/status/free lifetime healthcare. 
My DH is in the Navy too and he went away for 6 months before our son was born. Luckily I was able to move up to Brisbane where all my family are.
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