You're welcome bjrose - i wish i were closer, i'd come over for the afternoon and take the littlies so you and Jaz could have a shopping trip or cafe visit together NO problem!
You're right about having been through the worst bit - you are REALLY doing it, Jaz is just going to keep checking, like Lulu says. I would really recommend the note-passing or diary sharing - i'm pretty sure i saw it once on an episode of supernanny with a very high-needs 7 or 8 year old who had a lot of smaller siblings and was feeling it hard. She had a box for "thoughts" and she would write down something every day about how the day went, at bedtime mum would read the note and they would talk about it. THe first day she wrote something like "It's not fair the other ones get all the attention and you don't even LIKE me" but by the time supernanny was leaving they'd begun to have mum-and-daughter time and the last note said "I really liked ice-skating with mummy, it was my best day EVER. I really love you mummy" I'm tearing up at the memory! LOL. It's always surprising how much someone being able to express their feelings, EVEN when it changes nothing concrete, makes. I guess it makes sense though - i hate paying the bills, doing the dishes and ironing, and telling people makes no difference, but i always feel a bit better after a whinge
I would get DH to make an effort but don't worry about it overly - you can't fix the world and make it perfect for her, no matter how much you want to. Her dad is her dad and they will find their way together somehow. You're responsible for your relationship with her, but not her realtionship with him. He also needs to go through what you are - asking himself what he wants and how to go about getting it.
Keep talking hun, we're all here when YOU need to destress.
Thankyou so much. It's so nice when complete strangers care about how I'm feeling. Although You probably know more about my life than most of my friends & family.
& you will probably be hearing a bit more from me reguarding her over the months.
Thanks again. You've got no idea how much it means to me. I have noone around except DH & SIL to talk about it. I can ring my mum any time I want, but she's 10 hours away, so can't really DO much.
I totally understand not having family around means the task of raising our kids falls entirely on our own shoulders much more than perhaps it should. Feel free to share with your cyber-friends any time!
Thanks Jennifer. It really helps to have all the unbiased oppinions & different pieces of advice.
DH & I are talking about him moving out for a while. That way we can get the one on one time with her. eg, she stays with him one night & the other 2 stay with him the next night.
It would also mean he isn't around her as much, so he might not lose his temper with her as easy.
I do realise that it might make things worse. If it does then he would come back home, its just hard to do the relaxed, calm thing when he can't. & he can't stay out of it when I'm trying.
I dunno if it will happen. Just an idea.
Wow that's a pretty intense solution Skye! Would he consider going to see a counsellor to give him some tips on how to not take anger/frustration out on others? If your daughter's going to his place, and they're very much like each other, they'd be in each others pockets then with no other people to distract them.
Would a father/daughter date work? My dad took us out on dates, and it was great. We felt really special. Also they can't yell at each other (well, they're less likely to) if they're out in public.
Skye, I'm not in your shoes, but I think that having her father move out might make your daughter more insecure about the people who love her. I honestly don't think that will help. Nelle has some good suggestions, I think - try some family/couple's counselling, and some father-daughter dates. (Some mummy-daddy dates are always nice too. )
Hope all goes well for you honey. All the best!
Skye, obviously you know your family best, but I would think that that's a solution that could have devastating consequences. For all of you. Nelle's idea of some specific father/daughter time sounds good. Maybe you could try something less drastic like that to start with. And yes, if your DH is really struggling with it that much, then counselling sounds like something to look at.
I hate not to sound supportive, but I really think that your DH moving out could really backfire.
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