Do you tell them?

[Sterla]

Well, I have said it to DS twice already today, but I have to say it does feel so weird and unnatural. We kiss and cuddle all the time, and I call him sweetheart and darling... but saying those actual words feels so odd.

Nai: I had that book "Guess How Much I Love You" from the library once, it's beautiful .

[Artechim]

My mum never said it to me, and it did make me wonder if she actually did love me so I make sure I say it to my children. I had to force myself at the start, but now it comes out automatically. I often just walk past and give DS a hug and tell him that I love him. He is yet to say it back though...

DH doesn't say it very often and that makes me sad because when I ask DS who loves him he will only say mum and Amelia and leave DH off the list, even though a dad couldn't love a son more.

[Sterla]

My mum never said it to me, and it did make me wonder if she actually did love me so I make sure I say it to my children

That's one of my main concerns, and the reason I really want to make sure I say it. I'd be devastated if DS ever doubted that I love him.

[*EJ*]

My mum and dad did verbalise loving us as growing up, but as we got older it seemed awkward... really unfortunate. But my dad still says it after every phone call we have...

I also am one to call DS1 (DS2 not quite old enough to respond to it yet) from the other side of the room to say 'i love you' whilst he's playing away with his toys. I would say 'i love you' countless times a day and always as he's heading off for a sleep. I say 'sweet dreams i love you' multiple times before i walk out the room (to both boys). I have always asked for hugs and as a result now get asked for them all the time in return... love it

I got my first 'love you mum' as i left to go down the street yesterday and it was so great As to whether or not he knew what he was saying i'm not sure because it's something i say all the time not sure if he said it out of routine more. But either way he said it...

I want my boys to grow up feeling confident to receive and give love and affection.

Having said that DS1 now thinks it's natural to give hugs and kisses to everyone as he says goodbye to them, even the electrcian...

[thepixie]

My mum never said it to me, and it did make me wonder if she actually did love me

:yeahthat: although I think if it had been clearer in her actions that she did love me, I wouldn't have doubted it just because she never came out and said it. The fact that her actions were pretty equivocal combined with her never saying it meant that I was never sure that she loved me.

[MrsFabuloso]

Some people are just not verbally expressive in that way and so as people have said it's not a natural reaction to say 'I love you' verbally. There are a thousand ways to say 'I love you' though! And just because it is not verballised doesn't mean it's not true.

I was told 'I love you' alot as a kid. Mostly by mum, usually every day. Mum says it's because her parents rarely ever verballised it to her and she wanted to make sure we knew she loves us by telling us. Even one of my brothers tells me he loves me often.

I say it more than once a day....many, many times a day actually! My kids will probably get sick of hearing me tell me I love them! I am a very affectionate person to those who are close to me though. I also tell others I love dearly that I love them. My DH gets told several times a day too. I tell mum when I see her, or when saying goodbye on the phone. And dad when I talk on the phone to him and when I see him, though that's not often. My nana, neice and nephew.....

[NaeNae]

TBH i don't recall my parents saying " i love you" but i do recall a lot of the bad things they have said DH rarely says "i love you" and usually only says it after i do first.
i am the sort of person who needs to hear the words so i tell dd i love her all the time. i have never heard dh say it to her.

[Arimeh]

Aww Sterla please don't feel that he won't know you love him unless you tell him!!! You are a wonderful mother, and you can tell by looking at you two that you are both devoted to each other - he loves you so very much, you can tell in his eyes - and same with you!!!

I don't tell my kids that I don't love them, but I do show it to them. I tell them in different ways, I tell DS he's my special big boy.. and the other day he told DH that I was his best friend. Do you think he would say that if he felt that I didn't love him? To me, saying it all the time sort of renders it as just "words without meaning". DH used to tell me when we first got together, and it became sort of part of a routine to tell each other at certain times, and I began hating it! It certainly didn't make me feel loved, it made me feel, oh yeah its this time - gotta say say it! like it was something that we did cos we had set the precedent, or because it was expected of us, not because we actually meant it.

I'm sure I will tell my kids a time that it will have far more meaning than for them to hear it a few times a day - and they will treasure it even more because it is a rarity for them to hear it.

We all do things in our own way (and this is my strange way of parenting I suppose!) but we all love our kids, and our kids have no reason to doubt any of us loving them. We don't beat the crap outta them, we don't lock them out with the dogs of a night time (although I can't say I haven't been tempted with DS) and we give them loads of cuddles and kisses. If that doesn't say "I love you" - I dunno what does!!

Try not to worry If you feel awkward saying it, it will come out as being awkward and sorta "fake" - and he'll pick up more on that, than listening to the actual words being said.

[AngelPunks]

My mum used to say it all the time and she never backed it up with actions, so even I would question (as a child) if she was just saying it or did actually mean it.

Mel - your kids know how much you love them

I say it WHEN I mean it, I say it to my friends all the time, because I mean it!!!!! I say it to my family - a lot of the time it is a throw-away comment because they expect it from me, but over the last year or so, I've stopped saying it for the heck of saying it.

[*EJ*]

I am an open and honest person and i say it a lot and i absolutely mean it when i say it. But like it has been mentioned it is possible to show someone you love them in many ways and i'm sure all are very significant to each individual

[briggsy's girl]

there was a comment earlier about ending calls with "i love you" and it seeming like habit, rather than meaning it. i don't know how it is for the people in question, but DH and I NEVER end a phone call without saying it. if the call drops out, we'll call back. both of us have, in the past few years, lost people we care about without having a chance to let them know how much - so we DO say it every call, and we mean it then as we mean it every other time we say it. if he's being a turd, i tell him so - i tell him he's annoying the crap out of me but it doesn't stop me loving him! with DH's work being what it was (and is) he was in a higher risk role - and the last thing i'd want to face if anything happened to him was that my last words to him were something generic and meaningless. i DO mean it everytime i say it! i just don't want anyone to think that because you say it every time a certain situation arises (like a phone call ending) that it is any less meaningful. it really does come down to how you personally express your emotions (i think the languages of love was mentioned by another poster - and Kelly has posted about it in the past). for us, verballising was essential as half our relationship was carried out over the phone.

when DD woke me up this morning after DH took her so i could sleep, he put her on the bed and said "wake up mummy, we love you and want to spend time with you" - i rolled over and was instantly kissed by my poppet and got a big smile. was beautiful!

[BhoysGirl]

My parents weren't verbalisers, which was never an issue for me, I've always felt the love & been secure in the knowledge. Having said that, I say it all the time to DS, and quite a bit to DH. Firstly because I really mean it, and it makes me feel good to say it to them both, but also because I'm conscious of raising a boy who's comfortable with hearing & saying it (when it's appropriate for him). I guess I'm trying to make him not emotionally stunted if that makes sense. For some reason I feel that with boys it's often harder to acknowledge emotional needs, and whilst I still have control & input into his development, I'm doing everything I can to give him the best that I can (IMO), with the hope that it pays long term dividends. I'm also teaching him cooking things - my future DIL is going to love me

[Indadhanu]

Yep, same here BG. I always say it if someone I love is leaving, or at the end of a phone call. I'm emotional I guess but I have a very "If tomorrow never comes" attitude. For me, showing the people I love that I love them is saying I love you. Saying it more doesn't make it meaningless, it just means that I like to say "I love you" to the people I love. I do lots of things to show love, but I also like telling them too.

[Sterla]

Double post

[Sterla]

I'm conscious of raising a boy who's comfortable with hearing & saying it (when it's appropriate for him). I guess I'm trying to make him not emotionally stunted if that makes sense. For some reason I feel that with boys it's often harder to acknowledge emotional needs, and whilst I still have control & input into his development, I'm doing everything I can to give him the best that I can (IMO), with the hope that it pays long term dividends

That about sums up what I was thinking and what lead me to start this thread .

[MrsFabuloso]

Yep, same here BG. I always say it if someone I love is leaving, or at the end of a phone call. I'm emotional I guess but I have a very "If tomorrow never comes" attitude. For me, showing the people I love that I love them is saying I love you. Saying it more doesn't make it meaningless, it just means that I like to say "I love you" to the people I love. I do lots of things to show love, but I also like telling them too.

:yeahthat:

I say it alot to my kids and DH. I don't mean it any less because I say it at routine time of the day like bedtime or when I am bfing DS. Just because I say it every day at that time, doesn't meke it mean less. I also say it spontaneously through the day when I think of it. I say it alot! And I also show love in other ways too, like doing things for others, buying a gift for mum when I see things she'd like, making dinners DH like but I don't really enjoy, massaging my kids some nights.....there's alot of ways to say I love you.

[Arimeh]

Saying it more doesn't make it meaningless, it just means that I like to say "I love you" to the people I love.

I hope nobody gets the impression that I was saying that if you say it a lot it is meaningless - cos I was just meaning in my life it felt like that - so I hope nobody took it that way from my post.

[Epacris]

Everyone experiences with those three little words are just so different aren't they? What's important and meaningful for someone, is completely irrelevant for someone else.

Sterla - I'm sure the way you love your family is just fine and most importantly, just you.