Do you tell them?

[Sterla]

Don't worry Mel, I know what you mean.

All this stuff - how much we say it, how we say, if we say it - it's all such a personal and individual thing.

[Sterla]

Lol Epacris, we just wrote basically the same thing .

[Epacris]

We're just too cool!

[briggsy's girl]

Nah, it wasn't you that got me to reply again Mel!

thinking back, i think it was fionas who said about her DH and DSD saying it on every phone call - given their relationship for long periods of time was over the phone with her living o/s, it makes sense that they've developed ways of expressing their love verbally over the phone. yup, it might be a bit of a habit now, but it's no less meaningful i'm sure.

i think as long as your love for your children is obvious to them, and you are able to help them express their emotions as well, the form that it takes doesn't matter!!

[Indadhanu]

No I get what you mean Mel, it's really all individual. For me saying it less wouldn't give it more meaning or make it more special, but again thats just me. Sterla, I think you don't need to overthink it. I like how you said that even though your parents weren't "I love you" kind of people, you always knew that they loved you. Thats what important, and I don't think your DS is missing out as long as he knows you love him like you know your parents love you. I don't think you have to start saying it all the time, I think you just do what you do and it'll mean more. Don't just say it for the sake of saying it, it'll come out awkward and forced and thats what he'll remember ykim? Just be you and love him in the way only you can

[Mother Goose]

I'm another one who was never told by their parents "I love you"... it is only since my Dad's stroke that he has started to say it when he speaks to me. But Dad is a Military Man and it just wasn't the done thing in his time My Mum... I dunno... she'd say it to my siblings but never me.

I make it a point to tell Abbey I love her whenever I can. Especially when I'm cross with her. "Abbey, I love you but right now Mummy is very cross with you". And she verbalises it back to me. Sometimes we "argue" over who loves each other more "Love you Abbey" "Love you more Mum!" "No, I love YOU more Abbey!" and so on and so on...

[*Beema*]

I tell DD it alll the time as does DH, especially before bed and getting up, picking her up, dropping her off at daycare and thoughout the day when I can. I say it because I love her to death, I want her to know that she is deeply loved and cared for, and I am not at all saying that those of you who don't, don't unconditionally love your child/ren. I feel that by saying it for me it verbally affirms that I love my daughter with all that I am and all that I have.

I can't wat for the day when she can tell me that she loves me.

Why I say it is based on my history...

I wasn't told it much, my mum mostly just says it on the phone at the end of the conversation "love to all", and occasionally she says "you that I love you don't you". But my mum has always been there for me and I KNOW that she loves me very much, just isn't as affectionate - like we aren't a hug/kiss family.

I never felt it was real when my biological Dad when he said it, sorry "Dad" but I can't feel that you love me when you wanted me terminated ....... That you continues to retain a closer relations ship with my older brother and sister and that you didn't give a crap about me for 7 years, by making no contact at all for birthdays and christmas, or any other time of the year.

But... my Step dad, I can't remember him saying it, although I KNOW that he does, and I KNOW that he would do anything for me, he has always been there for me, and it took me a long time to trust and accept that he wasn't going to **** off and leave us high and dry. I would do anything for my SD, he is 'da bomb'

So even though I haven't been told it a lot, I want my daughter to hear it with strength and conviction that we do you her and we want her to be able to say it, feel it and believe it. There is saying I lvoe you and really meaning it, I think those two things are quite different, my "dad" says it, but I don't believe him and I probably never will.

[MantaRay]

I was never told as a child either, and as a result I have trouble saying it to DH. However, I started telling the boys all the time that I love them, and now I can do it easily as it's something I've gotten used to.

I think it's all about your comfort level. If it doesn't feel right, then I don't think you need to say it. You will be showing your kids that you love them in so many other ways. There are always going to be people who say it and people who don't.

[*charmalea*]

I was never told as a child either, and as a result I have trouble saying it to DH.

i am the same i can easily say " i love you " to the kids all day but when it comes to DH i stutter , even though i love him just as much as i love my kids its still hard .

DS tells us he loves us all the time , kisses us alot . I want our kids to grow up knowing that we love them , making it easier for them to open up .

so much of my childhood was me feeling unsure weather i was loved or never felt comfortable enough to talk to family as i was never really told " i love you " often i said it to my mum and dad alot , just to hear it back from them , but with all that went on in childhood , i never really knew weather to believe it or not when they said it back to me .


for me , i want my kids to be happy and confident , and not feel like me growing up .