Yeah, I can't say I'm sad about not being told "I love you" by my parents. It's very clear to me that they do, I could never doubt it .
It is, however, slightly annoying cause it's made me feel weird about saying it .
It doesn't matter who says it and who doesn't. Just because you say it doesn't make it true (not that I'm saying anyone doesn't love their kids but ykwim). Acting on the feeling is more important. If saying "I love you" is how someone acts on their feelings then yay. If saying other things is acting on it then yay. If just plain acting on it is how you give your feeling meaning then yay. As long as kids know they're loved and cherished, thats what matters. 'Love' is just another word to kids until we show them what it means.
My parents said it to me growing up, but less so as I got older. As a result I find it hard to say to them now.
With my own kids I tell them all every day, several times a day. Most days we play the "I love you more than" game which involves us thinking of mundane or crazy things we love each other more than (eg a trip to the moon, chocolate, bright red buses, etc)
I think Epacris hit the nail on the head....actions definitely speak louder than words. DP doesn't verbalise it as much as I do, but every piece of him - what he does, how he acts, how he cares for DS - demonstrates how much he loves his son.
I agree with Leasha too....sometimes words can be very empty.
Sorry i didnt mean to come across as though those people who's parents dont tell their children that they love them, love them any less then a parent who tells their children 10 times a day that they love them (does that make sense).....i'm just saying that i for one would feel very sad if my own parents didnt tell me they loved me at all during my childhood.
I tell DD all the time, she knows the sign for love from a book she has and its basically just hugging yourself, i say i LOOOOVVVE you and hug myself...and DD will come and give me big cuddles! I think if you give them lots of affection and its clear to them that the 'are' loved it wouldnt matter if you actually 'say' the words ir not.
With my step dad...who has been my 'dad' since i was 6....i only really said "i love you" a few years ago when i moved to australia, and now i make a point of saying it every time we talk, it was a bit wierd at first but now its nice.
my parents did a lot, so I do too. Multiple times a day.
DH's parents did not, but for him it's the reverse. He doesn't want to be that way so is conscious of making sure he does.
i wasn't told i was loved as a kidlet, and very rarely by mum now (dad never - and his actions are clearly NOT showing that!) - i really struggled to tell DH i loved him even when i knew i did - so when he was working away, we started telling each other before the end of every call and it became second nature. if we leave the house, we say it to each other. when we come home we say it. sometimes just sitting there.
this has translated into us being able to say it to DD whenever she is around. before every sleep she gets a cuddle and a "love you bubba girl". when she wakes up, i walk up the hallway talking to her so she doesnt get distressed - and as i unwrap her i tell her that i love her
i grew up in a home where tehre was little to no expression of love and i don't want that for my DD. i know a LOT of households where there is love where it's never verbalised, but it's obvious in the actions of the people that they love each other. that wasnt' teh house i grew up in - and i don't want that for DD. we tell her all the time and she is a very affectionate little poppet already - she asks for kisses and will cuddle and kiss us all the time (she comes off the boob and says kiss kiss and wn't attach again til she gets her kiss!)
so yeah, we say it multiple times as it's just part of our normal day. it's not forced, it's natural - and we express it with both actions and words
i said it to DD2 the second she was born.
i tell both my girls i love them when i put them to bed and when i leave the house.
DF and i always say i love you before we leave the house and every night when we go to bed. We also kiss and cuddle infront of the girls too.
Everyday my mum rings me and when we're hanging up we always say i love you.
I think its important to tell kids we love them, they know and we know that we do, but there's something special about hearing it
Nai, same here, i say " Night night, sweet dreams, i love you " and Miss C will say the same to me which always, always makes me feel so warm & fuzzy when she says it
... My Dad has never said to me that he loves me but having said that my Mum will say it to me but strangely enough i feel ' the love ' from my Dad more even though he has never ever said it to me ... they say actions can speak stronger than words but at the same time it's secure & comforting to hear it from your parents ... i say I LOVE YOU to my DD several times a day without even thinking much about it, it's more the emotion that's connected to it when i say it to her and at bedtime it's a bit of both
As a child, every now and then I heard my folks tell me they love me - but I knew they did... I got plenty "bear hugs" and cuddles and happy memories...
Now for me being a parent I do tell my children often I love them and in different tones - in a fun giggly way, a serious way so that they know they mean the world to me and in a deep heart felt way that i feel only I can say it.
And to hear my children come and tell me they love me is like hearing someone saying it from above - if you know what I mean... It fills apart of me that only those words can fill.
So if it's something you need to "practise" saying, go for it cause it's just wonderful when it comes right back at you...
My parents never did until mum started when i was in my late teens after i said it to her. She said she never realised how important it was to say it. My dad still won't say it but I know he does. My ILs say it freely, FIL will say it to me at the end of phone conversations.
I have always said it to my kids cause i want them to know that I do love them. DD1 is quite happy to say it to me even now she is 18!
My class often say "I love you Mrsmac" and I say "i love you too " back to them cause i do love them.
Sterla, I just wanted to say that perhaps as your DS gets a little bit older and starts communicating with you more and more, especially verbally - it may start to feel a little bit more natural - perhaps it may well just feel right to tell him that you love him, especially when you know that he understands the meaning of those words, as well as all the love you give him in your actions.
He will always know the love you have for him whatever you do, hun. The words just define it in a given moment. Don't worry about every forcing yourself to say it if it doesn't feel right, but perhaps just be open to opportunities where the words form in your head and they feel right to say to your DS at the time
There is a great book called "5 love languages" that describes how each of us needs to be shown love. Maybe this is a good book to read?
My parents always told me how much they loved me when I was growing up.
My children will be told, but I am a very communicative person. My friends and family are always told when I speak/see them that I love them.
It has caused issues with boyfriends in the past, when I've meant it in the sense that I love them as a friend and have had to quantify the definition to them, so that they don't get the wrong idea.
For some people it is enough just to show love.
Please don't feel like a bad parent because you cannot vocalise those words to your partner and child.
Sterla, I found it weird at the start with DD1 as she couldn't speak but then I practiced just talking to her during the day and saying it in the everyday conversation eg, kiss her toes and say I love your toes and I love you. I also read to the girls a lot and one book that helped was "Guess How Much I Love You". Reading that regularly helped me say it more naturally.
Also once I could see her starting to understand what I was saying it made a big difference and she would smile when I said it so I think it reinforced me saying it.
I've never been told by my parents either - the closest mum gets is "lots of love to you" - it doesn't really bother me, I find it more amusing that she does it in a roundabout way rather than coming straight out and saying it.
Anyhoo, I say it to DD whenever I feel like it - which is not every day. That doesn't mean I don't love her every day, it's just not something I think of/feel like saying every day if that makes sense. It seems more natural (to me) to say other affectionate stuff. I tell her she's a beautiful girl CONSTANTLY - though I'll need to change that "beautiful" description at some point because I mean it in a beautiful personality way rather than a beautiful appearance way (though DD is darned cute IMO) but I don't want her to feel valued just cos she's cute IYKWIM.
TBH, saying "I love you" has come a bit easier to me since I saw how easily it comes to DP with DD and DSD. Though there is still for me a bit of a balance. DP and DSD say it at the end of most phone calls and to me that's a habit. A nice habit but it seems like they're saying it because that's what they always do, not because they feel it at that moment.
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