I don't know what to do

[widdly]

I am sorry he said those things about having nothing to do with your DD if you seperate, hopefully he is just threatening you so you dont leave (tho thats not good either).

As for DD being so upset without Daddy, so was my DS. He was beside himself and his behaviour went nuts, but I really think it was more to do with him knowing how uneasy I felt about hte seperation. As soon as I started feeling positive about it he has been an absolute angel of a child! He misses his Daddy, but not much, thing is his Daddy isnt a great Daddy, so there is not much to miss.

I hope things go smoothly and your DH takes this last chance seriously and steps up to the plate.

[willow5]

Hi Torn thinking of ya...hope you're ok...

[Epacris]

Hi Torn thinking of ya...hope you're ok...

Me too

[Janie]

Thinking of you Torn

[amberj]

Just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers for you. It broke my heart to read what you are all going through.

I can't PM you, but I just wanted to say if you ever need someone to babysit or a place to crash for a little while, please contact me! We are in Melb (I think you are too because you mentioned Doncaster) and would so love to help out. I KNOW how hard it is to find babysitters/ support, and we would be delighted . I know you don't know us or anything, but we're normal (well, as normal as anyone I guess!!!), and I really mean it! Hope I'm not over-stepping any bounds!

[Torn]

Thank you everyone. I am doing fine. DH has much improved. I think he really needed that kick up the bum. He has been really good actually. I will admit I am a little surprised but thankful. The other day he wrote me a little love letter and sprayed his aftershave on it

Amber - that is a lovely offer. Thank you. But lets not wait until either of us NEEDS to call on the other... why don't we catch up for a coffee anyway? I will PM you from my other account.

Thank you so much girls. It means a lot to know that I have the support of everyone on BB. It is so touching and motivating. Thank you

[willow5]

The other day he wrote me a little love letter and sprayed his aftershave on it

That is so cute! Hope it keeps up!!

You must be psychic I was just in here about to check up on you again.
Glad to hear things are getting beter

[willow5]

Hope no news is good news and things are still going well

[Torn]

Thank you for checking on me Willow - it means a lot

Dh has been trying hard recently. But I have still found myself dispondent. I don't trust the changes - I can't help myself. He's been "good" before - but never for long. And today, my doubt was justified. Last weekend he promised me a sleep in this weekend... which turned out to be an empty promise. He taught DD to grab and squeeze my BB's this morning - it became a massive joke between the two of them. And he taught her to pull down Mummy's pants. I told him I wasn't happy with it - that it is degrading and inappropriate but he wouldn't listen. When I cracked it he laughed at me! It generated another major argument and statements from him to end it all. To be fair, things are very stressful on numerous fronts at the moment; his job is not so secure right now (the company might be going under), our rental is being sold and we don't know if we have to find a new place or not, he is coming down with a cold, he has an assignment due for Uni which he hasn't started (and is currently watching something on TV even though said assignment is due tomorrow!). And this morning I may have been a bit snappier than normal because I WAS tired. But it was ridiculous. I feel like I can't raise any concerns, criticisims, or anything else without being threatened with it ending. I feel like I have to simply tow the line.

Despite all of this, I still feel so torn. I feel conflicted about what to do. I doubt I can survive financially on my own and if he loses his job, he will not be able to provide any financial support for DD. He has a HUGE amount of debt in his name (a small grace I suppose is that the majority of the debt is in his name). And I still don't know how I would manage shift work and DD on my own. Then there is the financial strain of starting over. A new bond plus moving costs. Having to get a new bed, fridge, washer, bed for DD (one of has to foot the bill regardless so still considering it all), crockery, cutlery, linen, dining table... the list goes on. How on earth do I do it? And what if I am making a monumental mistake?!

And my own job isn't secure at the moment. I am on a contract which exp end of Jan and there is no guarantee of permenent work... and there isn't a lot out there at the moment. Especially with the kind of structure I have at the moment. If I move I will end up having to go to 24/7 shifts again.

Plus I feel so conflicted about leaving him. We made a vow and committment to each other. We made a commitment to DD in front of God. How can I turn my back on those promises?

I feel like I'm back at the beginning again...

[willow5]

Oh Torn I'm sorry you're still struggling with all this!
Sounds like he is being a bit of a baby you have to be able to talk about things that are bothering you without him threatening to leave, he really needs to grow up!
As for the vows he needs to be keeping up his part of that too it wasn't just you there saying them so don't put all the guilt on yourself.

And I agree the new 'games' he's teaching DD are inappropriate especially when you've made it clear it upsets you!!! Another thing to show just how immature he is.

Stay strong Torn if it came to it you could survive on your own it just wouldn't be easy but it could be done. You must be feeling sooo stressed at the moment so maybe don't make any major decisions while you're feeling it's all too much.

I understand that you don't trust the changes too, I've been there done that it's very frustrating!

[Footsteps]

hows everything going now torn? hope you are ok.
rach xox

[Torn]

Thanks for asking Rach. I wish I could say it was good, but it isn't.

This morning was another argument. Admittiedly, I was tired and hormonal and not at my best. But, as usual, it was something silly and his normal response (well I guess it's over then) came out. He left to do the shopping mid argument and, instead of calling like he normally does mid fight, sent me an SMS. How brave. Not. When he came back, we had a civilised lunch and when DD went to bed we talked. Laid it out on the table. End result was we are seperating. Then he realised how much he will miss DD. So we are trying. Again. BUT he is now sleeping downstairs in the spare room on the aerobed. We are going to try and be friends first and then see if it progresses. We have close to $50k in debt so we are going to try and get rid of it as quick as we can. He has agreed to help with DD around my shifts and if we end up living seperate will still help out. He has also agreed to help out financially. It will be a massive struggle for me financially on my own but he will help out as much as possible in addition to mandatory requirements. It will still be hard but we will see how we go. I'm pretty upset about it all at the moment. In my heart, I know it is for the best but still... And if we seperate, I know I will be happy again... but still. So, it looks like my marriage is on it's last legs. I don't really know what to do or how I feel. A bit numb I suppose. I know I will get there. I just want something in my life to go right for once. Just one thing.

[~Kaz~]

darl. That sucks that your marriage is over. I hope that you start to feel better for having some clarity in the situation soon and knowing where you stand. It still sucks though. Take things one day at a time. Look after yourself

[willow5]

Kaz is right for now take it one day at a time.

And you are right too you will be happy again this is a really hard time but it will get better always try to remember that when things seem too hard, I know that's easy to say but it's true.
Glad to hear he has realised how much he will miss DD hopefully that means he will make an effort to be supportive to you both and spend lots of time with her, not leave and have little to do with her like he said before.

Hope things get easier soon

[rufalina]

Darling.......... ............. so sorry it has come to this, but hopefully it will work out for the best....thinking of you. Please take it easy on yourself...

[Epacris]

Just hugs and thinking of you. More hugs

[Footsteps]

oh huge hugs huni. i really hope you are doing ok. we are all here for you. you will be ok. xox