Snacks, thank you for your words of encouragement. To be honest, DH and I were planning to have 3 kids... but at the moment, I feel like 2 is over my head already! These past few days, I feel particularly down and just burst out in tears when I look at what has DD1 turned into. At this point, I don't regret DD2's arrival, but I just feel terribly guilty of making DD1 turning out this way. She's become a monster... maybe part of the reason is due to teething, but she certainly has become a lot more clingy and just very hard to settle. She loves her sister as she would kiss her many times during the day. But then, some times, she would try to grab her legs or arms and just be harsh on her. That's when I become frightful and disappointed. What happened to the DD that was so nice and easy going?
Last night, she woke up in the middle from her sleep and started to cry like there's no tomorrow. So, I pad her and picked her up for some cuddling. 10 minutes later, she fell asleep so I attempted to put her back down on her bed then she burst out in tears again. Only this time, it took me an hour and a half to settle her and put her back down. She was never this way before... always very easy to settle back when she wakes up from a bad dream during her sleep. But her sister is not around, so what happened there?
I know that being a mom is not an easy task, but I have never thought it would be that difficult especially when dealing with 2 kids. Now, to think of having a third makes me scared of what will become of the 2 DDs when number 3 comes... I think it will drive me up the walls if I have to care for 3 clingy "babies".
I admire moms who have many children all very close to age as I don't understand how they could manage it... at the same time, I feel like this has become my biggest failure in life as I am unable to deal with this situation. I feel just incompetent.
carmen, you're not incompetent at all hun. having 2 close together is a LOT harder than i imagined it was going to be, and as much as i don't regret having ds2, i have had moments where i wish we'd waited till ds1 was 3 years old. it's so hard feeling torn between the 2 of them.
if you think her teeth are bothering her, have you tried an amber teething necklace at all? we have found it has really helped ds1.
Carmen, what you are feeling is very, very normal. I felt the same way when DS was born. DD was such an easy going, placid kid and although we didn't have any issues with jealousy etc, she did start waking at night and having disrupted sleep. The good news is it WILL PASS. It's an adjustment period for everyone. Keep your chin up and ride it out - I know it's hard, I'm about to do it again with a smaller age gap this time and I admit I'm a bit scared! I swore when DS was a newborn that I wouldn't have any more. But things get easier and life returns to 'normal' (or a new sort of normal) and when that happens, you will get your confidence back.
It always helped me to involve the older child when I am looking after baby. Harry is a very clingy sod, doesnt like sharing mum and dad with his older siblings, so we have been preparing him for the new baby for a while now. We've shown him side slice views of babies in utero so he understands that the huge bump mum has is a little person, and he has become very attached to her. She gets morning cuddles and kisses from her big brother now. When she gets here he can help me with things like passing me the baby wipes, giving her tickles at play time and laying next to her at feed time. That way is our time too. Its family time.
Always seemed to work with the others - until they were about 4/5, and then nothing in the world will make them get on. LMAO.
Thank you ladies for all your kind words and encouragements. I don't feel so alone now. For some reason, today has just been one of those days when I could really use some time off. I kept asking myself what have I done to DD1. I think I have used up a box of kleenex just from all my crying spells.
Honestly, I don't mind being tired and overworked. I think the only thing bothering me is just feeling so saddened by the fact that DD1 has become so upset with the changes in her world. Her world was so rosy before DD2's arrival; she was just one happy kid. Since DD2's arrival, I can sense that DD1's resentment. The way she looks at me makes me cry... (she would stare and me wondering how come mommy is spending time with my little sister and not me... and when I would go to her as soon as I'm done feeding DD2, she walks away from me) That breaks my heart!
I get DD1 involved when changing DD2's nappy... I would send her to get me a clean nappy or clothes. But I find that she some times deliberately is harsh to her sister or trying to pull on her feet. Initially, I should tell DD1 to be "gentle", but it doesn't seem like she gets the message. So, when she does it repeatedly after I repeatedly tell her not to be harsh on DD2, I would give a little tap on her hand. Then she would walk away or just sit on the floor and make a fuss. Am I wrong for doing that?
While I am happy to acknowledge through all of your experiences that this hard time will pass, I have to admit that I am scared to think about what will happen to DD2 when she grows up... will she retaliate? Of course, at this point, she's too young to do so... but will she resent her older sister for bullying her or being mean to her?
It is really hard going. But it does get better. DS was almost 19 months when DD was born, and OMG... he is the clingiest toddler in the world - still. This is an almost 2.5 year old that doesn't like to walk if we go down the shops - he wants to be held - he always wants to be carried - arghh does my head in.
But his sister - is the total opposite. She isn't clingy. She is just the cruisiest little bub ever. So I got a clingy, whingy, tantrum chucking toddler - and a cruisy, nothing ever bothers her, happy to play alone on the floor 9.5 month old.
So even though it may not feel like it - it DOES get better.
Now - remind me of this post when I have a meltdown with 3 under 3.. LOL
Now - remind me of this post when I have a meltdown with 3 under 3.. LOL[/QUOTE]
Wow, I admire your courage... 3 under 3! Hopefully, when DD2 turns older, she will be like your DD too... that way, I won't have 2 clingy children. Then, maybe a number 3 will happen! I assume you are close to your due date... all the best with your pregnancy, and remember to look after yourself, courageous mom of 3 to be!
Carmen, I hope this doesn't sound like I am belittling your feelings, but I just want to point out that your baby is less than a month old! That in itself is really tough going what with the new patterns and routines for you, your hormones still being all over the place, and your having to adjust and get to know this new little person. Give yourself a chance, babe!
It must be very hard to have your DD walk away while you are trying to give her some attention - I so understand how that would break your heart. But she WILL adjust - she is still very young and she is also very resiliant. While she may not be the same person she was, she will settle back down again and find her groove.
Re the sleeping, that's hard for you, but TBH I am sort of expecting the same thing from my toddler as well. When there is disruption in life, I have found DD's sleeping suffers. When she was 18mo we started her at childcare and she became very difficult to settle and I needed to attend to her each night, patting her bottom for sometimes close to an hour while she settled back down to sleep. It was very frustrating for me (and I didn't have a newborn as well!) but she did get into a better sleeping pattern and now she is a great sleeper, even though she can be reluctant to go to bed some nights. I think it's normal for kids to need additional reassurance at night time when there is any sort of disruption in their lives.
As I said, I really don't want to give the impression that I'm telling you you shouldn't feel like you do. I just wanted to remind you that it is still very early days and I am sure things will get better for you very soon.
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