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Thread: Only Child

  1. #1
    Cass Guest

    Default Only Child

    Are there any other "Only 1 child - family is finished" Parents out there??

    I would love to hear bout why etc, what you like about it, what you hate about it....




    I think I just need to know that I am not the only one.

  2. #2

    Join Date
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    Default

    *very shyly puts hand up*

    I am pretty sure we're stopping at one...

    I love Tamsin, and she was planned, but I never really "expected" to have kids IYKWIM, so having more isn't something I feel strongly about. I'm not worried about spoiling Tamsin and am hoping to give her plenty of social opportunities with friends and family. These are the only real down sides I can think of to having just one, and I think we will be able to get around them okay.

    Plus DH only really wants one - I could probably convince him otherwise if I felt strongly about it, but I don't feel the need to do so.

    It's too early to say what I love and hate about it yet, since Tamsin is so young. But I too would love to hear from others (including you Cass!) to see what you think of it all Why and when did you decide that one was enough?

  3. #3

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    Hey there

    I have a daughter, Ashlea who is 4. I think its safe to say she'll be my only child. The biggest factor there is that i'm a single mum and am certainly in no position to be having any more kids.
    Everyone always tells me that i'm still young, blah blah blah, but I can't imagine having anymore. I'm really happy just the way things are, Ashlea and I make a great team.
    The guy i'm seeing now questioned what would happen if he wanted kids oneday, and as far as i'm concerned its not something for me to even think about right now.
    Also, pregnancy disagreed with me badly, and the very thought of having to go through that again makes me cringe!

    I did want two kids close together, but life didn't work out that way, and now i dont think i could stand going back to the baby days of nappies and night feeds and stuff when Ashlea is so grown up now!

  4. #4

    Default

    Coming from another angle, I am an only child and it is sometimes hard. You feel more responsible for your immediate family as there is no one to share the load or family business with (unless there are Aunts/Uncles etc around). When your parents pass away, it can be a very lonely feeling especially since I don't have a lot of other family.

    It wouldn't be as bad if you had lots of cousins to play with. I didn't have this and it could be lonely at times. I had friends but it is not the same as family IYKWIM. The worst time was going away on holidays as there was often no kids to play with or do things with. We never went away with other families which would of fixed this problem.

    I think as a result of being an only child I can't always cope with a lot of people or noise around. Even though I am quite social I feel the need to withdraw at times. I also feel I don't deal with conflict very well.

    On the positives, I think only children are quite mature and responsible. I think the spoiling, selfish thing is a myth, it really depends on your parenting style. There are more opportunities for kids to socialise like playgroups, childcare, vacation care etc. I would of loved these things but they weren't around in my day.

    Good luck with your decision, I am sure you will best one.

  5. #5
    Cass Guest

    Default

    Its an interesting topic.

    My choice was already made for me - we didnt expect to have Rinn. We were told that it was highly unlikely. Once she did arrive - things got worse for me - physically - so I have had my uterus lasered, which has left me infertile (I could ovulate but there would be no way of phycially being able to carry a pregnancy to full term).
    If this wasnt the case we would have had more - but straight away.

    So it has been decided.

    I have been trying to make sense of it now - as 2 of my close gf's are now preg for the 2nd time. I always knew that this would be the hardest time, as initally - if we had the chance - we would have had more.

    I too think that it is too early to say what I hate about it - apart from other people asking about "No.2 etc"!
    I think what is nice (sometimes!) that we dont have to share our attention with any other children.
    Dee - I am like you - now there is no way I could go back to the late nites and feeds and crappy nappies full time... the thought makes me shudder!

    I must admit that Rinn is an easy child - we dont have huge problems - sometimes the odd challenge.

  6. #6

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    Default

    Suga, yours sounds very much like my situation (except I've already got my daughter, of course!). I definitely KWYM about not discussing it much due to the negative reactions.

  7. #7
    Colleen Guest

    Default

    My Dp says only one. But to be honest I would like to TTC for another. I had 6 brothers and sister but because they were all so much older than me, I felt like an only child. Id like to have 2 close in age.

  8. #8

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    Oh Im glad I came here. I was about to post a topic like this one!

    I hated being pregnant so much. Mine was drama filled and I split with my husband during the pregnancy, so Im now a sole parent. However Im really struggling with the thought of my daughter being an only child.

    I dont have any real close friends with babies her age, Im expecting one to get pregnant very soon, but she already has a 9 year old so will be pretty hard up for spare time to hang out with myself and Jasmine.

    The thing is, my brother is 18 months younger than me and he is one of my best friends. We live around the corner from each other, we have the same group of friends, and we have been very close all our lives. I couldnt imagine growing up without him, because we really did have alot of fun when we were younger. I would love for my daughter to have that relationship with a sibling. I know that if I wanted one, my ex would give me one (so to speak) and Im financially in the position to have another one on my own, I have no problems there ...... I just wish so much I didnt have to be pregnant to get one!

    Im not entirely sure of what I want to do, but I know that for the next year its all I will be thinking about!

    I really enjoyed reading your thoughts / experiences. Its given me more to think about. Thanks!

  9. #9
    Cass Guest

    Default

    Gemini - I am a bit like you - pregnancy didnt agree with me either.

    I am not disappointed now. But I dont have the choice to turn back the clock - so I only have to look forward. Its kinda nice knowing that in 3 years time - I can work full time, and we can afford to do what we want to do. Rinn is such an easy kind of kid - so being able to travel and all that kinda stuff will be easy.
    I must admit - I have nearly had enough of the "When is number 2??" But I am getitng to a point where I can shrug the comments off.

  10. #10
    Colleen Guest

    Default

    This topic has started me thinking & even talking to DP about it & most of the time he still seems sided to only having one...

    I said if i were to have another I would like to ttc july 2007 & the thought, for me, not having another makes me feel sad, because i would like 2. Occasionally he says yeah ok, we will talk about it more in depth closer to the time...

    We travelled with Jaykob from birth - 5 months so we plan to do all that again & hopefully by the next one dp will have his own business in full swing so i can work from home too..

    We have a great set up for 2, but I dont think I should force what I want too much on him, I guess only time will tell.. :/

  11. #11
    Cass Guest

    Default

    Colleen - choosing to have 1 let alone 2 isnt easy - its a hard call bringing another one into this world.
    I am a part of a mothers group where the kids are about the same age - and most are off having number 2. I am now sitting back listening to them talk about how to keep 2 in tow etc and it is no mean feat. I do not envy them.
    I dont miss the sleepless nites - or having to get up for feeds. But now these girls are juggling feeding a littly and entertaining a 2-3 yr old! And most of these girls have hubbies who are rarely home.
    Thanks but no thanks.

    And at the moment - Rinn is my best friend - it is so nice to have such a lovely relationship developing!

    (This is scary - reading what I am writing, as I hadnt felt as if I had made the right decision - how wrong I am!!!)

  12. #12

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    I come from a large family (5 kids) and have 3 kids and would like more, but I totally understand other women's motivations for wanting only 1 child as it is the same motivation for me wanting several children (although I'd dearly like to know how to turn the 'cluckiness' off or else I'll end up with 10 kids LOL).

  13. #13
    Colleen Guest

    Default

    lol sherie , ikywym. Wheres the switch? DP is my switch lol

    I had a very easy pregnancy and jaykob is also very easy going so I guess I have been very lucky in that way.

    I too came from a large family and have never pictured myself with one child. I can see the points for having one, as it would be much easier than chasing around 2 etc but for some reason I cant thinking with 2 theres always that company thats similar aged and oh i dont know, Perhaps I will be a one child family, thats why this topic interests me so much because I should see the benefits to it but for me its just not happening, My heart wants more!

  14. #14

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    When you do have more than one, of course they'll be company for one another, but when you only have 1, they don't know life any different. IMO if you make sure your child has a good social circle, they'll be just as fine as other kids with siblings IYKWIM? We are having a dilemma at the moment about having another,as it will be #4. The question is, do you have what you want (which i dearly do) or do you sacrifice what you want to be able to live more comfortably?

  15. #15
    Cass Guest

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    Sheri - Our situation has nothing to do with money.

    She has no choice about that.

  16. #16

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    I think the main word in this discussion is choice. Sadly some of us have it taken away like you Cass, but we all need to be happy with our choices iykwim.

    Sherie like you I am permenently clucky and have 4 kids. I love them all more than anything. I ven thought about a 5th but have finally decided it is my turn now, and I want to enjoy the kids and my life as it is.

    Girls if you choose 1 child only then your child will be loved and cherished in the only way they will ever know and visa versa, if you choose to have another they will not know the difference. It is easy to look back on your own experience to help you. If you were an only child then you have that experence and if you had siblings you have that experience. One child usualy demands more of your attention, and if you have that to give then I'm sure you will have a special bond with your child. If you feel you wouldn't want to go back to the baby stuff, then I think you know what you want. I know that once Jessica is out f nappies I will feel the same.

    I will step off the soap box now LOL SORRY.

    I hope we all are happy with the choices we make and most importantly love the kids we have.
    cheeers michelle

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