Parenting disagreements: discuss in front of child or not?

[amberj]

I was always adament that if DH and I disagreed about how to parent or discipline our child, we would not have the debate/argument in front of our child but in private, so that we could present a united front.

Then real life hit.

The other day DH kind of yelled at DS for something and I thought it was totally inappropriate (nothing major, but still!). Before I even thought about it I was up in arms about it. I know DS is too young to get it, but I am careful about the patterns I set. I didn't like what I did, but then I felt protective of DS and didn't think what DH had done was fair to him.

So I am just curious how others do it? If you do hold your toungue, how?? How do you not say anything right there and then when you feel like your partner's parenting has been unfair and possibly upset your child?

Its so much easier in theory!!!

[Visitor8]

I hold my tongue then talk about it later. If it was something that would really bother you, let DH deal with it then ask to speak to him in the other room and chat about it.

Even at his tender age they know more than we think and he was probably paying more attention than you realise.

[Nelle]

We often discuss this, but disagreeing about parenting choices in front of kids is something we try to avoid too. In practice, because our kids are so young, I can kind of go up to dh and whisper in his ear. As they get older, I guess we'll have to say to the child 'hold that thought, don't go anywhere' and nick into the next room to discuss.
It's not easy if I'm outraged at something dh has done though! You're right, much easier in theory, but I think with practice we get better.

[christy]

oh little ears hear everything!!!

I will only speak up when I hear/see DH say something inappropriate. DD1 gets into a lot of trouble, because she gets into a lot of trouble. If I hear DH get cranky for her for something she hasn't done, I often pipe up and say something because she gets into enough trouble as it is... without getting into trouble for something she hasn't done.

Otherwise, I say something to DH like "Can I talk with you about this later?" so he knows I have an issue with it, but I say it quietly and calmly so as not to perk up little ears...

[Tinks]

We never ever disagree about parenting in front of our kids. I always back DH's decisions in front of them and he always backs mine, even if we disagree. Then when they go to bed we chat about it. He does things I wouldn't necessarily do and I do things that annoy him. We talk about what we've done and come to a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation should it arise again.

[widdly]

I think it would be far better to hold your tongue adn discuss it later in private, that way DS thinks you are together on parenting issues, instead of trying to play you against each ohter.

HOWEVER, I seem always to be jumping to DS defence in the moment....

[Oorki Galoorki]

im happy to discuss things infront of the kids. it shows them we communicate about how we parent, and it shows ways of negotiating.
we then come to agreement together and that is what is inforced..
we also will comment to each other after the fact if we believe it was necassarily the right way to go about it or if one of us thinks it only happened because one of us were a bit grumpier then usual.