Hi Peachy,You've got great advicie here, and I don't think I will actually add anything new, I thought I would post and say I feel for you.

My DD was an emergency c/s. she was born 2 hours from home, and the IL's were already in town waiting for us to announce her arrival. I took a little bit to come round after the GA, and made it back to the room around 6-7am. I was groggy as, and when visiting hours started at 11am, they were all there. All 8 of them, crowded around DD, DH's grandma, didn't even speak to me, and I could barely string a sentence together. The were forever telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing, or saying 'she doesn't like that or she likes this" drove me mental!
DH's grandma was bad, she called one day and invited herself to stay. I cried when i got off the phone and then had to explain to DH why.

With my pregnancy with DS, DH was much more understanding. He was finally in a place where he could see what they were doing and I wasn't genuinely attacking them for the hell of it. It took 8 years, and us doing IVF (which I believe helped us communicate better and he saw how his family reacted to it all and to us) but he was finally able to understand what it was like for me.
He told me that he wanted to cry, because he just didn't know. He didn't know the midwife was going to put DD in SCN if the IL's unwrapped her, as her temp was low. He didn't know I saw them unwrapping her, but I just couldn't get the words out to wrap her back up.

With DS, we set up ground rules. No one was allowed to visit the day DS was born. We would let them know when they could come to visit on day 2. I don't think they liked it, but I didn't care.

I don't like confrontation either. But if you are finding it a problem now, you just might have to say something, regardless of whether or not you have your DH's support.
We joke about moving to the other side of Australia to get away from DH's family, then I tell DH the problem with moving away so far is when they visit they will be there for longer LOL

Hope you work something out

Nic