Raising a one and only child chat thread.

[widdly]

mako - sorry you have had such a hrad time trying for anohter bub xxx

starfish - We dont really have rules and routines either which is something I worried about when considering bub 2. We like not having to stress about routine too much.

corelly - having a first bub with 'issues' makes the decision to have another 1 even harder doesnt it. DS had an op at 3 weeks old and then got severe reflusx til he was 2 years old. He constantly vomited, I mea every 5 mins his clothes would be saturated. If we went out for the day I had to take ALL of his clothes, bibs and spew rags with us. It was gross and looking back I dont know how I got through it! As far as sleep goes, DS turns 4 tomorrow and has only just started sleeping thorugh in his own bed, well actually he still often comes into my bed for a cuddle during the night! There is no way I want to go through all of that again. People tell me "Oh the 2nd wont be that bad" but how can they guarrantee that?

Also, finding a babysitter for 1 child is so much easier!

[Miss.September]

People tell me "Oh the 2nd wont be that bad" but how can they guarrantee that?

widdly - don't you HATE that!!! I was the first born, and then came my brother. Mum has always said that if he had've come first, there would've been no me!!!

What's the saying - if you get a good one, stop at one!!! I don't know that I agree with that, but sheesh! It's a better thing to say than the other!

Corelly x

[Nettie]

I asked someone the other day who mentioned that they were an only child - if they felt they missed out. They said 'I didn't know anything else - iykwim' She also mentioned that there were lots of cousins and neighbourhood kids which meant she wasn't lonely... I think that's they key.

[Jaycee]

That's true Nettie but I wonder if they feel like that in adulthood as well. DH always says by the time we are gone DS will have his own family but I often wonder if that would be enough. Would he be resentful of the fact he has no other immediate family? I dunno, just another thing I often think about...

[Lilly-Pilly]

My sister and I are 17 months apart and care as close as ever. We see each other most days, our kids are togehter ALOT and we rely on each other for EVERYTHING. I would be lost without her and love knowing that she's there for me no matter what. It saddens me that my DD wont have the same as that, but then we weren't that close to extended family, where as I make sure DD and her cousins are close and spend alot of time together.
In the end, as much as I wish DD would have a close sibling down the track liek I did, it simply wasn't an option for me to have more kids so its just something I have to accept I can't change. I can however, instill my belief to DD about how important family are to each other and the importance of sticking together as a family so she hopefully has that closeness with her cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents etc

[Nettie]

That's true Nettie but I wonder if they feel like that in adulthood as well.

The person I was discussing it with was an adult. She would have been around my age and felt no resentment whatsoever.

TBH - I don't know many 'only child' adults (or kids for that matter!). I might have to suss it out a bit and question a few people that I might find!

[danniellabella]

Haven't posted here for a while. We have to know by January if we're having another bub or not because I'm on thyroid replacement medication and my specialist needs to know before I get pregnant so she can tell me how much I will need to increase my dose by as soon as I find out I'm pregnant. I've told DH that we need to have a serious think about if we are going to have another one and if we'll be TTC next year or not because my implanon finishes in April 2011.

Though, now that we're almost finished with nappies I'm not really thrilled by the thought that we might have to do it all again IYKWIM. Selfish attitude isn't it?!

[Nettie]

I know exactly what you mean Danni... I'm thinking the same thing about the nappies!

[widdly]

Corelly - I have heard so many parents say that about if their first was as bad as there 2nd, 3rd whatever child then they would have had an only for sure. I guess I should think myself lucky that I had the bad baby first and didnt have to worry about other children to look after as well as teh hard baby.

Nettie - My DH is an only and he sayd exactly the same thing. He knew no different, he thought his only childhood was great, he doesnt miss sibling now either.

Dee - I have a sister 2.5 years younger than me and we grew up as best friends too, still hang out together a lot as well, it was the most amazing childhood having each other. However our other 2 sisters are 19 months apart and hated each other for 16 years, they have only started enjoying each others company this year, so there are no guarrantees

daniellabella - not selfish at all!! Selfish would be to have more babies anyway and then feel resentment or unhappiness afterwards. Most of the time I feel selfish, dont wanna do all the nappies, sleepless nights stuff, but I still have my super clucky times (like tonight) where I just want to steal someones baby to raise LOL! Mother nature is cruel to us!!

[danniellabella]

I know exactly what you mean Danni... I'm thinking the same thing about the nappies!

I feel soooo much better for reading that. Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks that way. LOL

DH said today that if I were to seriously say lets have another baby he'd be up for it, but that he doesn't want me to just say it because he'd like to see if we get a boy, he said that it's not a good idea to have a baby if the mother doesn't really want one.

[widdly]

Danni, sounds like you have a very wise DH, it is wonderful that is is being so thoughtful and not putting any pressure on you

[Jaycee]

Well my lovely ladies, I just wanted to say thank you for your help! This thread has really forced me to have a really hard think about this matter and I can now happily (although still a little hesitantly!) say that I will be graduating from this thread to the ttc threads!!

I've been non stop thinking about this for the last couple of weeks and have come to the decision that I do want another child. A lot of my decision is based on wanting to give DS the benefit of having a sibling, I'm sure I'll get used to those sleepless nights again

I'll be going to have my implanon taken out later this week before I lose my nerve lol wish me luck girls!!

[Nettie]

That's awesome Janine! I'm so glad we helped you think things through!

All the very best with ttc LOL

You're still welcome in here while you try!

[widdly]

Goodluck Janine, hope it happens quickly for you!

[Jaycee]

Thanks ladies! It took around 5 months to conceive DS so I'm expecting around the same again, all depending on how long it takes for my cycle to regulate after having the implanon in. I don't mind if it takes a few months

I'll most definitely pop in here now and then to see how you guys are going.
xxx

[danniellabella]

Good luck Janine!

I'm thinking that I might have to leave this thread soon. This week I have been thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to have another one. Still not fully decided and dont' need to be until Jan 2011.
DH said last night that he's leaning more towards wanting another bub though. But happy to wait until next year to TTC.

Told my parents on Sunday that we're still not sure if we want another bub. Mum said we should do what we feel is right. Dad of course said that our DD "needs a baby brother or sister" What the! she does not NEED one at all and I'm sure she'd be fine if she were an only child - in fact, she wouldn't know any better...he's probably just feeling hard done by because DH & I are my dad's last chance at getting a male heir (even though he'll have a different last name do dad LOL) (My sis has 3 girls and I have one - then on DH's side my BIL has 2 girls).

So anyway, we'll see. Will stay here until we are actually TTC though I think.

[Jaycee]

That's great Danni! For me the decision was easier once I started looking at the big picture and stopped focusing on how difficult the first year or two may be. It really puts things into perspective once you do this

Look forward to maybe seeing you in the ttc threads!

[widdly]

I think it is great that you lovely ladies have decided on more babies and wish all the very best with your TTC journeys. However, I do feel like this "only child chat thread" seems to have turned into a "should we have another baby thread" IYKWIM?? Please dont anyone get offended though. I am not meaning to be awful to anyone in here.

How many truly parents of Onlies are there in here? I would love to chat about the issues us mums of onlies do face sometimes in this world where 2+ children are the expectation.

I have come accross an Only issue this week. At playgroup there is one 3 year old boy who is always very angry, not sure why. When outgoing DS bounds up to this angry boy and greets him and asks to play this angry boy just turns with a huge frown on his face and angrily yells. He does it at everyone except one particular little girl he is friends with. ANyway, this boys angriness is really having an effect on DS. I have noticed DS has been yelling a lot this week since playgroup and doing the frowning face a bit. I chatted to my cousnellor about it. SHe seemed to think that because DS is an only, he is used to being around grown ups a lot of the time and grown ups tend to have fairly predictable reactions. SO he isnt ued to kids and their irrational behaviours. When this angry boys yells at him, DS is feeling like he must have done something to make him angry, DS is feeling like his anger is his fault somehow and he is having trouble processing this.

So, my task for the week is to point out to DS when the angry boy yells at other kids who are doing nothing wrong and explaining to DS that the kids arent doing anything wrong yet he is still angry and yelling, therefore DS should come to realise that it is not always his fault when others are feeling angry. I am gonna find some kids book explaining feeling, too.

So there ya go, that is my latest 'only' experience

Oh, a slight vent too...I have been friendly with a young couple and their baby boy this past year, they dont work and ask for help constantly with everything in their lives. I was helping them out by purchasing clothes for baby etc. They had their second baby the day before bub no 1 first birthday and have done nothing but complain since. Fine, it must be extremely hard having a newborn and 12 month old. They needed more jumpsuits for new bubba so I went to Target and bought a couple of terry towelling suits in the size requested and dropped them around to their house. Later I was taling to my sister who tells me about this couple (she has known them for a while longer than me) When they were halfway preggers with baby boy 2 they gave away ALL of baby boy 1s clothes and furniture and pram, just cause they wanted all brand new for the new bub WTF??? and apparently only the best will do (good thing I gave them the receipt for the terry towelling suits LOL). ANyway, their FB status one night recently was them complaining that they didnt get alot of sleep the previous night. I assumed the older baby must have been wakeful, fair enough. But no, they were feeling hard done by casue the 6 day old didnt sleep throughh,,,,my response....been there, took 3 years for DS to sleep through, dont stress about your 6 day old he will get there. The response they gave me...how would you know, you only have one. GOSH, it really ticks me off that just cause I have an only, somehow I am not fit to offer advice or empathise with other stressed mothers. If only they knew what I went through with my severe reflus only....

So, thats my only vent for the day.

Come on people lets get this thread moving