Terminal illness in extended family

[Artechim]

Thanks everyone. I think that having the kids around is a great thing for the ILs, so I guess that would be a huge thing for keeping some normal in their life. They know we are here any time and have already been around for a debrief after they realised it was terminal. On that - the Drs initially gave them false hope by telling them it was the 'good' sort of tumour which they took to mean it could be cured. Turns out good in brain tumour terms is only different from bad in the length of time it takes to kill you.

I hadn't even thought of hospitals. He will hate that . The worst part is that between a head injury when he was 18 and the misdiagnoses years ago of the tumour, he has lived a miserable life. In and out of psych wards the last few years etc, it has been really hard. When he is good he is good, but you are always so cautious with everything said lest it be taken wrong and become a twisted torment for him. His friends gave up on him long ago, he has never worked. He has nothing to lose. He said he just wants to feed the tumour and make it grow faster so he can get on with dying.

[surprised]

Big hugs. I had someone very close to me die last year. Here are some thoughts:

Children are actually a lot better a dealing with death than we expect them to be

Might be an idea to organise a family photo session while he is still relatively well.

In terms of help, I really appreciated the people who just got in and did something. It's really frustrating to get the "if there is anything we can do to help..." line. Most people are very unlikely to say "oh I would love a meal or some help with the cleaning". Much better to unobtrusively help.

Food is always helpful - not having to cook is always a blessing!

Flowers always cheer things up.

As others have said, they need normal too.

Make sure funeral details (don't forget cremation/burial), will, power of attorney etc etc are all sorted well in advance.

Find out what palliative care options there are, especially if he doesn't want treatment. People don't have to be in agony at the end - there are some amazing drugs out there. You also don't want to be in a position where no-one has medical guardianship (or whatever it's called) and so a hospital is obliged to prolong life when it's not what he would have wanted.

I hope he has a dignified journey.