Is there a way we can resolve this without world war 3?*long*

[LaDeeDa]

KL - I don't want WW3 but it just seems everytime we have issues with them it's MY fault. Even if I'm not the one with the issue they all look at me like I'm the one who instigated it all

I wanted to walk out and as it was we left very soon after the cutting of the cake and first dance.


I just really feel that without a big blow up they are not going to pay any attention to what we have to say IYKWIM?

[ll80]

Sometimes with family (mine anyway) you just can't talk about it.
You can explain until your blue in the face then they just go and do what they like when your back is turned.

What do I do?
Avoid, aviod, avoid!!

WW3 just isn't worth it in the long run.
Just limit your contact and avoid them as much as humanly possible!!
I also moved 1500km between each side of the family

[SamiH]

I wouldnt approach it from the side of if you dont do ABC you wont get to see your grandson, do it the other way - it is so important for him to have you in his life and we want him to spend time with you - you need to be consistent with our parenting wishes etc...

It is important to have these people in your lives - even if nothing else but to give you a break occasionally - it is something I never get and would value very highly, and yes sometimes it does take a bit of compromise - but not to the point of endangering a bubs health of course..

[ladybird11]

As the situation has ended I wouldn't do anything about it now....

However next time she asks for your DS to stay over or whatever thats when I'd be sending in the big guns (DH) to explain why that won't be happening.

And maybe put a subtle bumper sticker on your car so she can read it "Parent my way - or the highway" ...She might get the message then lol....

[BabyQ]

LaDeeDah Oh I'm so angry for you!!! When reading your post i gasped so loud especially about your ds falling on the spoon that my dh came in asking what was wrong!! eeks... Just want to say I'm glad your DH is going to try to talk some sense into them...

Toomany- two thumbs up for such an eloquent opinion! I thought that too but would never have been able to verbalise it the way you did.

And I like how heather has suggested you give them options, that way it doesn't sound like it's your way or the highway (though it shouldn't matter cause you're MUM but it comes across better to the IL's)
Let us know how it goes! I'll be thinking about you for the rest of the day now!

[fionas]

I'd probably get your DH to give them a call and ask them some "why" questions eg. we enjoyed the wedding but were wondering why you gave DS to the waiting staff when we'd asked you not to?

They'll probably dig themselves a hole, DH can keep saying, "yes, but WHY did you do it when we'd asked you not to?"

Then I'd get him to end the conversation with "well, if you're just going to ignore us when we tell you what the doctor's told us is best for DS then I'm sorry but you can't look after him any more."

I think start off with some why questions though. Otherwise the alternative is just to tell them off without even attempting to hear their side of the story which never ends well.

I don't think what I've suggested will necessarily prevent World War 3, just gives you a United Nations resolution to go ahead with it IYKWIM.

[LaDeeDa]

Thanks Everyone for the suggestions - I need them as I still have the red mist over the eyes

SamiH - They live 4 hours away so they never are here when we need a break - but regardless they are important in DS's life. I grew up without extended family and I don't want him to do the same.

Fionas - great suggestions. we need a switzerland me thinks ...LOL I just feel so frustrated because we have tried to talk to them calmly and civilly so many times about various issues with DS that now I am just over it.....
Not very mature I know but where I am.

The reason I also say that WW3 is going to start is after this weekend DH and I have finalised our decision about DS's godmother having him if godforbid anything should happen to he and I and we will be updating our will accordingly......
MIL is going to go postal ..... but if she can't respect our wishes for 5 hours how would she go raising our child according to our wishes?

*sigh* seriously sucky situation!

[Madham]

Tough situation when it involves family. Your his mother and she needs to respect that, if not well then she is the one that will miss out. I think your dh needs to speak to her and let her know once again that you were not happy with the situation and honestly cant trust her to respect your parenting wishes so she will not be looking after him again.
I hope things workout for you and that it is not going to be a WW3.

[SamiH]

The reason I also say that WW3 is going to start is after this weekend DH and I have finalised our decision about DS's godmother having him if godforbid anything should happen to he and I and we will be updating our will accordingly......
MIL is going to go postal ..... but if she can't respect our wishes for 5 hours how would she go raising our child according to our wishes?

*sigh* seriously sucky situation!

Um, why would you make this a topic of conversation with them anyway? My father or my MIL have never asked who gets our kids if something happens to us - unless you have actually asked them in the past, curious why you would mention it to them at all?

[LaDeeDa]

Um, why would you make this a topic of conversation with them anyway? My father or my MIL have never asked who gets our kids if something happens to us - unless you have actually asked them in the past, curious why you would mention it to them at all?

They brought it up with us....

[SamiH]

have they asked and want an answer specifically? Unbelievable. And rude. And presumptious.

But - to move on, just say something along the lines that they should enjoy their golden years ...