10 things breastfeeding advocates should stop saying

[RainbowBrite]

I get the impression on this forum though that this approach isn't liked and telling a FF mum she could have BF is wrong... and this thread says so too. So, is this just a personal thing and I've been lucky that my RL friends have been more open to the discussion or do you think I'm really just annoying everyone and I didn't realise?

I think saying to a mother you could have BF if she tried harder (because it worked for me) will quite probably upset her...you are essentially telling her she failed.
I think a better approach is to say if you are likely to try BF your next baby you may try these things to hopefully get a little further.
So instead of making her feel like a failure you are giving her hope she can do it next time.
Just a thought

[BOC]

I was in tears when I saw this post this morning. I have heard every single one of these... And more.

I was called lazy. I was told I was letting my son down. I was told my son was never going to thrive and it was all my fault. I was told I must have wanted it enough cause if I did it would happen.

I even had one very nasty SCN midwife who decided to "punish" me by not letting me touch or pick up my son and who took him away from me into another room to feed him. This happened 2 nights in a row. Luckily my sobbing alerted another midwife who helped me make a formal complaint to the hospital.

I have also had people follow up "so when are you having #2?" with "so are you going to try harder to feed the next one?"

There is such a stigma out there, and having it rammed down your throat when you're already fragile & guilt-ridden doesn't help.

And as for the list of what BF advocates SHOULD say, it's simple. One & only point. Unless you have that person's full story/history and unless they ask your advice, SAY NOTHING!


Thanks again Tinks for posting! *mwah*

[delphmoon]

And as for the list of what BF advocates SHOULD say, it's simple. One & only point. Unless you have that person's full story/history and unless they ask your advice, SAY NOTHING!

Well said

[onthefly]

I was in tears when I saw this post this morning. I have heard every single one of these... And more.

I was called lazy. I was told I was letting my son down. I was told my son was never going to thrive and it was all my fault. I was told I must have wanted it enough cause if I did it would happen.

I even had one very nasty SCN midwife who decided to "punish" me by not letting me touch or pick up my son and who took him away from me into another room to feed him. This happened 2 nights in a row. Luckily my sobbing alerted another midwife who helped me make a formal complaint to the hospital.

I have also had people follow up "so when are you having #2?" with "so are you going to try harder to feed the next one?"

Really?! That's ****ing awful. You know what, that's not about breast feeding/formula feeding, that's about certain individuals being nasty.
For me, support/advice/advocacy of breastfeeding is all about supporting mums and babies, because they are so often let down by the people who are supposed to be helping them.

ETA - and I prefer the second list because it's about positive statements, rather than what not to say (which really should be pretty obvious)

[delphmoon]

ETA - and I prefer the second list because it's about positive statements, rather than what not to say (which really should be pretty obvious)

I prefer positive statements too...however its not obvious to some people on what not to say...I have experienced it before...even here on BB.

[~ Mylitta ~]

I've got a few train of thoughts running at the same time, so I'll try to put down a couple of points and hope that they make sense, lol.

We are all living in a society where FF has become increasingly common, and breastfeeding (especially extended breastfeeding), is less common than it used to be. I think that when a woman succeeds at breastfeeding they are often very proud of what they have achieved (rightfully ).

Unfortunately when a woman that has breastfed talks about her achievement, it can often upset and hurt someone that has FF. I think in the majority of cases it is probably unintentional. And while I believe that the FF mothers have nothing to be guilty or ashamed of, I can understand that they may feel that way when the motto of "breast is best" is announced so often. But at the end of the day, most FF mothers have done what needed to be done in the "best" interest of their child and they should be proud

I don't think that we (as a society) should stop promoting breastfeeding as the "best" way to feed a baby. In most cases the FF mothers probably would have loved to have been able to breastfeed and I'm sure they agree that it would be better if we could increase the number of children that are breastfed (and breastfed for longer). This should be done through education and the healthy promotion of breastfeeding. It's for this reason that I breastfeed regularly (and proudly) in public, am a breastmilk donor, and am happy to announce that I am proud to breastfeed.

Having said that, I am always careful with my language around FF mothers and make sure that they are aware that I in no way think they are doing anything wrong, because they certainly are not.

[HotI]

I prefer positive statements too...however its not obvious to some people on what not to say...I have experienced it before...even here on BB.

A few people have posted that they have seen similar comments to the OP here on BB. I haven't seen them, and i take a look at most sections. Are they reported and deleted, or are they still there to be read?

[delphmoon]

A few people have posted that they have seen similar comments to the OP here on BB. I haven't seen them, and i take a look at most sections. Are they reported and deleted, or are they still there to be read?

If you really have not seen them I'm happy to go looking. Some comments may not be direct but they certainly are implied. Will get back to you