10 things breastfeeding advocates should stop saying

[FabFiona]

Tinks today you have rocked my world. I like both of the articles.

Whilst I appreciate that one article is negative and one positive, I think it's important to have the negative things that are sometimes said acknowledged before you can move onto the positive.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Arcadia]

Sometimes I wonder if just talking about breastfeeding being easy, or convenient, or even a case of determination is enough to imply that ff is the opposite of these thing...like HotI I am surprised to hear pp say negative comments towards ff have been posted on bb. Sure I have read some very probreastfeeding threads, but nothing that outright relegates ff.
Bf is the toughest thing I have ever done...that's all I usually say.

[entreat]

OK... Confession. Although I have NEVER said any of those things, I have thought one or two of them. But it's taken me almost a full 12 months to appreciate the BF journey I've been on. It wasn't easy to start with & we certainly had some big potholes along the way. Only now can I say with full conviction that BFing is damn hard & it isn't for everyone.

I, as a bit of a breastfeeding zealot, will try harder to sympatise with my FFing sisters. there are challenges there that I don't appreciate, and obvious feelings that I can't feel.

Incidentally, I get the major crankies on when people say other people can't make you feel something. That's a giant load of BS that hurtful people say to deflect any level of empathy & responsibility for their words & actions. Contrast that with "Moms should be smart enough to see through formula marketing". By the same token, marketing can't make you buy things, but they are extremely good at dressing things up to make you think you need them. Sure - if you called me names & told me my parenting was substandard/abnormal (actually, abnormal would be a compliment to me!), and that I was compromising the health of my baby, I WILL feel bad because there's that horrible little voice that says "what if they're right?!". And that voice stays there are 3am when the smart part of me (that says tells me those accusations are a load of lies & I'm doing the right thing) is asleep.

Ok... rambling over.

[Fleur]

With respect, is it really necessary to nit pick over when or where these things were said, on BB or IRL? There are many women here who are saying they have heard them before, be it outright or implied... that should be enough for us all to recognise that a bit of respect & tact is called for when talking to any mother about ANY aspect of her parenting. Especially when it comes to feeding, which we all do. And lets face it, if we all care about parenting enough to sit on a forum & yack about it, we must care enough to make the best choices we can

I have always said, and always will say that breastfeeding needs more normalisation and support from society in general. My first two children were FF (after short attempts at BF) and in hindsight I know it was because I didn't know what I know now. I don't feel guilty. I did my best, then. But if someone back then had said any of this to me, I would have been devastated.

I like both lists, Tinks thanks for posting.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I'm not sure why this is in the FF thread, either, because this is actually a very useful thread for everyone, and could be in the general BB&F section.
There are BFing 'advocates' and there are BFing advocates - there are people who are better off keeping their traps shut. I have never come across an ABA counsellor, or anyone in any of the ABA groups I've been part of who has even thought these things, and anyone who does think these things is best left off the Christmas card list.
When I was having BFing establishment issues with DS I didn't even tell MYSELF that 'breast is best', let alone think it appropriate to 'should' anyone else!
I take the points to actually mean that saying these things UNDERMINES breastfeeding, breastfeeding establishment and breastfeeding retention. How can they help anyone? If anyone had told me any of these things to try to ensure I'd stick at breastfeeding, I'd have probably thrown a punch.
So, you can lump all of us breastfeeders together in a deluded attempt to justify your own decisions, or you could just share the post with everyone, have a good roll of the eyes with an "I know, can you believe people say these things?" and know that you don't have to answer to anyone but your children. You make your decisions based on the best information you have at any given time.
I have no time for people who give prescriptions based on their own values in life - better to use your energy just living your life and being constructive about things, instead of wedging negativity and doubt into others.
In fact, I believe this thread belongs in a more generalised area because it would be a good message for a much wider audience, including people who thought they were doing some kind of community service by perpetuating these ideas. Isn't it better to take your issues with certain 'breastfeeding advocates' to those 'breastfeeding advocates'?
By using the term 'breastfeeding advocates', many people do believe that there is only one sort. I'm continually surprised by how many people I come across who don't realise that ABA breastfeeding counsellors and MCHN's are two very different things! At least I haven't read the term 'nipple nazi' in relation to ABA for a while - thank goodness, cos that was driving me batty, as I've never known a bunch of less judgmental and more helpful people in my life.
Judgment has no place in mothering and mother support. So, I, too, condemn these inane and counter-productive statements. Real breastfeeding advocates have far bigger fish to fry, like the wider system that lets mums down and leaves them high and dry with very little ongoing support (and gives them a big Baby Bonus thinking they've solved all parenting obstacles...).
Anyone who values or is encouraging breastfeeding doesn't need to do it at the expense of formula feeding mums - it can stand on its own merits, when you know what you're talking about Even ABA says that 'breast is for baby, not baby for breast' - so when it's not working and you've given it a red hot go with great support, it's not working.

[Erin_25]

I'm sorry, I'm confused.........is this a Formula Feeding discussion & SUPPORT or am I in the wrong section. Seriously, am I in the wrong section?

[sloane]

thanks for posting tinks.

i saw this on fb as well & it was making me think that there's a fine line between being supportive of someone trying to BF (i.e. trying to be encouraging in a 'you can do it' way) and making them feel that there is only one choice & they have failed if they don't BF. i always try to respond to threads where someone is struggling with BFing & i hope i never say anything that could be construed in a negative way. this has made me more aware that i need to choose my words carefully & not just post blindly.

fwiw, i never really notice which forum things appear in - i always use the new posts search & then just read the threads that jump out at me.

[mel_cur]

thanks for posting tinks.
fwiw, i never really notice which forum things appear in - i always use the new posts search & then just read the threads that jump out at me.

I'm the same! I just read the title of the thread and see if it's something I am interested in

[Erin_25]

well I'm sorry but there are different sections & threads for a reason, I'm not saying that what you have said is at all wrong, just that you should always know where you are posting for the very reason each section has it's own division. So again, is this not a discussion & SUPPORT thread for Formula Feeding??? or was this posted somwhere else & then moved?

[sloane]

it is about support but then again, unless i have something supportive or constructive (if someone has asked for feedback) to offer, i don't post.

[~clover~]

well I'm sorry but there are different sections & threads for a reason, I'm not saying that what you have said is at all wrong, just that you should always know where you are posting for the very reason each section has it's own division. So again, is this not a discussion & SUPPORT thread for Formula Feeding??? or was this posted somwhere else & then moved?

It was started here, not moved. As far as I can see it's supportive of FF...

[Smoke Jaguar]

The post is useful, and I think it would serve a far greater purpose to be in a different section. Perhaps a mod could move it? Otherwise, anyone can read and post in this section.
I prefer not to support new mums with negative references to formula feeding mums, so I can't see how sniggering about the dumb things some well-meaning (sometimes not) and less-informed people say materially or emotionally supports a mum who has had to use formula.
I think it's encumbent on all of us to counter ignorance, not just formula feeders, and not just breastfeeders. Ignorance doesn't serve us as mothers, does it?

[delphmoon]

This is awhile ago post this huge thread was eventually closed because some bullying (not my words) occurred. What was started in a FF thread ended up being a FF vs BF kind of thing. It was confronting at the time and I'm glad it hasn't occurred in such severity since, however, we do occasionally see FF threads being hijacked and what starts off as a good supportive threads ends in a FF vs BF thing. Sad really.

Considering threads have been closed over it- its no wonder some FFers get abit sensitive when a support thread turns into a "you choose to feel guilty, we don't make you feel that way" thing...and then it gets to the point that people don't want to post their real feelings.

Anyway...seen afew of you have said "where does this occur on BB?" well here is an example

Look HERE

[mel_cur]

Delphmoon - thanks for posting that thread and can I just UGGG that thread is horrible! I am ashamed to be a mother sometimes when I read things like that