Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
I didn't find my sisterhood deserted me when I had to FF. I'm sorry you feel that way, however I'd like to point out this section is here for FF discussion and support and it wouldn't be here unless it was necesarry.
The support is here - many of us have had to take the same path xoxoxo
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Thanks Lulu. I don't feel deserted by everyone. It's just that I tried really hard to BF because I loved the nurture and bond that I felt between my baby and I, and I honestly thought it would be the best thing for her. However after persisting for six weeks I couldn't go on because my BM had decreased so much that I was not able to sufficiently feed DD to meet her needs. It was such a heart wrenching and emotional decision to stop and start FF exclusively that I didn't go on the forum for two weeks ! When I finally did, I felt like I had to explain in detail why I had ventured over to "the other side" ! After getting some really positive responses I felt better. But some people still feel the need to be insensitive and hurtful about what I may have missed out on trying to BF. I know this is a forum promoting gentle parenting and such kinder parenting approaches. But I guess that does not mean that those people are necessarily gentle and kind. It just makes me want to leave this forum and tell everyone I know not to bother with BB.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Look, it's really up to you to decide what you want to do. It's clearly still painful for you and I do understand because my son refused the breast at 5 months and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
The feelings that went through me when I had to open that damn tin of formula were many and horrible. I wanted to BF dammit, I'd never considered FFing. I was frightened of what was in that tin cos I didn't put it there ykwim?
Now we all know breast is best, but just because someone says that doesn't mean they are saying you suck because you don't BF.
At the very least, you should try (for your own sake hun) to instead believe that someone is just merely talking of the benefits of BF xoxoxoxo
The saddest thing I have found for mum's who have 'failed' bfing their children need to justify why they cantand why they have had to use forumla as its not like they want to...the choice sometimes is taken away. Its hard and upsetting when we have tried and tried only to feel like a failure within ourselves, let alone have someone's words make us feel even worse about the situation.
Unfortunately a baby handbook doesnt pop out of the placenta at birth to let us know exactly how things should go. We have to feel our way through motherhood and do what helps, whats best for ourselves and our children.
PB - im really saddened that someone made you feel terrible
Last edited by maz; November 15th, 2009 at 05:04 AM.
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PB - I understand you're hurting and you need support. There are a lot of people on this site who will support you. But attacking someone personally in public isn't acceptable hon. Regardless of who they are. It's not the way things are done on this site. Perhaps PM or email Kelly if you have an issue with something she has written - but not publicly. I'm not saying don't express your opinions or anything like that - just that personal attacks aren't very nice or accepted on this forum. Besides, you're better than that!
Remember, you are supported. There are heaps of people on this site ready to support you.
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PB i hope you stick around.
whilst there have been a couple of times when i've felt like i wasn't part of the sisterhood on BB (nothing nasty directed at me or anything, just posts overlooked etc) there have been many posts on this forum that have hit exactly the right spot for me they have helped me through a tough time. i hope that maybe one day, one of my posts can help do the same for someone else.
one day you may be able to help another mum who is facing a similar situation & it might be sharing your experience that helps them through. to me, that's a great reason for you to stay & i really hope you feel able to
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Lovely comment sloane. So true.
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I think MR puts it the best when she says you can support someone without actually agreeing with them 100%.
I feel terrible you don't feel supported in your decisions. That is really tough. It is also hard when you turn to a place like BB, often for some light reading or fun and come across a post by accident that is really hurtful. That has happened to me before on other topics...and it made me realise I had something I wasn't letting go of.
You're doing a great job, and only YOU know what is best for your child. I think BB can be a little overtly pro-Bfeeding at times because to be honest, society IRL is pretty non-supportive of Bfeeding, especially long term Bfeeding (and we only need to look at at Bfeeding stats to know FFeeders are actually in the majority).
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Double post
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MotherGoose, I really am not attacking just replying to any posters which were made in the public forum that's all. I actually really liked this site, but have noticed over the years this lack of sisterhood, when BF mothers need to use formula (or God forbid choose to use it !) Initially I tried to laugh off the whole thing about never having had the experience of DD settling on the breast, but it came back at me in such a way that when I read that I felt so....so....low. I don't expect anybody to agree with everything I said, but don't be mean, YKWIM?
Anyway I really have had enough of this forum being like this and the superiority expressed by some people towards others ( Really, again, not anyone in particular but the collective attitudes by certain people) expressing their hardnosed attitudes towards a mother who has made the decision to BF eg being told in the chat room that you are selfish because you are FF'ding, even though your journey which took you to that point was horrendous !) I don't think that should be acceptable. But it gets overlooked because this is a "gentle" parenting forum. Sorry but there is nothing gentle about that.
I guess I've just had enough and judging from the PM's and public posts, it's clear that I am not the only one who feels this. It's just that I am the on who has raised the topic that people are coming forward in how they feel. But it is evident that it is defnitely NOT because I posed this question that made people feel unsupported, those feeling were already there. Sure promote BF'ding because it is wonderful and beautiful and nurturing but don't push and push and push and then when it's not working push some more. That's not fair and only leads to feelings of "despair and resentment" and those are words I took from another member who felt like that.
Honestly thank you to those who have expressed their opinions with a level understanding which has in turn promoted meaningful conversation.
To anyone who feels like I am angry, hurt and that I wanted to feel like that....well then I guess all I can say is, if I said something hurtful to you on a public forum would you not feel....anything. I think "feeling" is what makes us human. Please don't de-humanise that.
Anna perhaps you are right, perhaps I haven't let go of the desperate yearning I had to BF my DD. That's why I need to leave and heal and go on living my life loving my daughter, rather than feeling like I need to hide my experience because I might be shot down. Thankyou to you all those who have been kind enough to acknowledge this journey.
Good luck to all mothers who choose to nurture their child the best way they can and the best way they know how whether it be Breast or Formula. I believe that every mother wants the best for her child not just the ones who choose to breast feed.
PS, NikiW, you have hit the nail on the head. Thankyou
Last edited by Visitor3; November 15th, 2009 at 07:12 AM.
Argh, PB, I gotta spread the love dammit! I just wanted to sayyou have said what ALOT of members have been thinking and just not saying. I like you have recieved NUMEROUS pm's about alot of issues/attitudes but no one says anything to stand up for themselves or their beliefs! Good on you for saying exactly what your feeling and why it has upset you. Imo, this isn't about 'how we individually perceive or interpret ones comments', because it's pretty clear that it's not just the OP who looked at it and went 'errrr incensitive'. Like I said hun, it's always going to be something that you do as a mother that people won't agree with. You just learn to form a thick skin
Only YOU can let someones post affect you......its your interpritation of what they have said and allow it to fester that will damage you.
In all honesty..this thread is starting to become like a ***** session......if you dont like what someone say's report them, PM them or be the bigger person and just simply turn the computer off and walk away
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PB- hun, just for the record, i was one of those people who PM'ed you with support. It wasn't because I was afraid of retribution. It was because I wanted to give you the support I could see you needed, but I didn't want to publicly contribute to a thread that was effectively slandering someone who was not online to defend themselves, and probably not even aware such a discussion was taking place. Now pb I know that was not your intention. When I read you OP, i was not aware that it was a specific comment that upset you, it was someone else's post that alerted me to that. But that seems to be what this thread turned into.
I understand what was said was hurtful- like I said in my PM, that would have devastated me. But this would also devastate me- if I made a thoughtless comment, after a long and stressful day, (who can say they haven't done that?) that was interpreted the wrong way by a lot of people; then there is a public thread about how insensitve I've been, without me having a chance to explain myself. That would be quite hurtful as well.
Just my two cents. i think it's important to take everything everyone says online- no matter who they are- with a pebble-sized grain of salt. I hope you can find some peace with this pb- it almost seems like the person who is being hardest on you about ff is yourself. You did the right thing for you and your baby, deep down you know that- take it, own it, be proud of the mummy you are
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I sympathise with someone feeling attacked over something that has been said to upset them.
But starting a thread, bagging out a person for what they said and not dealing with this directly with the person involved - not cool.
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Perfectly said Maz.
The saddest thing I have found for mum's who have 'failed' bfing their children need to justify why they cant
The point that PB is trying to make with this thread, I believe, is not that FF or BF are better than each other. The fact is, a comment was made. And I'm sure it isn't the first comment that PB has been exposed to about the topic, if she's had an experience like mine. And sometimes you just reach breaking point. Whether the comments are intentional or not.
Inanna - from the sounds of it, PB didn't choose to FF. Sometimes bo'obs don't work. It's a physiological thing. My inability to BF both my babies after months of trying everything is witness to that. So to say that someone should be responsible and own their decision, when they had the decision taken away from them in the first place is a little harsh. Also, to use the analogy of a woman backing over her child in relation to the topic of this thread....?
PB - I am so sorry that you are so upset. When this forum started, I didn't realise how heated the debate can get. It is so unfortunate that there is an "us and them" mentality within some circles, as someone said previously. This will probably never go away. Just take comfort in the fact that your baby is now nourished. FULL STOP. Like I said, BF isn't much good when your baby is losing weight and you've tried everything....drugs, expressing, naturopath....the list goes on and on. But like Maz said, we shouldn't have to justify the fact that what is in our baby's bottle is formula rather than BM. Sure, some women choose to FF when they could have BF. The main point is, they choose to FEED. Only 20 years ago (not long at all in the grand scheme of things), it was common place to put cereal in bottles! Ahhhhh, we could go on forever. The different opinions don't end with feeding. Soon it will be discipline, dummy or not, toilet training. The list goes on. The fact is, you are hurting. And it does hurt. But take comfort in the fact that your baby loves you for loving her and that's all that matters x
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