Hi Allyson,

If you're still on this site I'm interested to hear how you dealt with your issue - as i see your post is from mid '09.

In relation to the 'third wheel' issue - You will both be mums equally. Babies bond with those that nurture them. Mum's bond with those they nurture. By the time baby is even old enough to be thinking about her biological make up, you will have been a family with two equal mums for so long that genetics is only one factor in how your child will relate to you.

Think of all those mums that adopt - Baby doesn't judge the mum that parents them, that loves them and that has been there for them all their lives.

Regarding the role of the donor dad - I'm going down the same path. My partner & I want Baby to have a Dad. We want dad to be our friend first & foremost. Research shows that in gay families the best scenario is when all parents want eachother to be happy. We want dad to feel happy with his role and dad wants us to feel supported but not interfered with. Resolution of issues is made easier when all involved want the best for eachother - and for Baby. The well being of Baby must be the point at which all discussions stem from.

I'd love to hear how others managed this situation.

Caz