wow glad you offered your opinion "curiousaussie" because it is very rare indeed that we as "lesbians" hear the other side - well done.

if i may offer my opinion;

I have always thought about things from my son's point of view and not from my own from the outset. My son has a known donor and im glad he does - it is important for a child to know who is a biological link to that child and it is important for that child to be able to have access to that relationship if that is mutally agreed or even possible. of course when it is not - the discussion can not be had.

My son at 3.5 years understands who his dad is, and that he has a mum - and significant other's in his life. My ex-partner who i conceived my son with is of course his parent in our opinion however for some reason my son doesn't identify her as Mum and instead refers to her by her first name as well as my current partner whom he currently lives with. in his world he has a mum and a dad as all the other kids at daycare. he just doesn't live with his dad.

the donor does not have a significant decision making power in his life, does not visit regularly or send cards or presents on birthdays or christmas - but is happy to be as involved as is needed when it is needed.

my son identifies the donor as "x my dad" - i haven't corrected this, i haven't encouraged this, i haven't opposed this - simply because i feel it is his right to identify the people in his life as he sees fit and to not be prescribed into thinking who are more important and those who aren't. or that in fact he has a mother that is a lesbian and therefore a dad is out of the question. my sexual preferences are not my son's and i don't want him defined by this.

the donor i used has donated to others - i know from speaking to him that he feels a link with all offspring however for some reason or another he has a stronger relationship with some and not others -perhaps due to the insecurities of others or early mistakes made. im glad i chose a known donor - as my partner's 6 year old (anon donor through a clinic) quite eloquently put it "i know i don't have a dad (my son's name) but can we call x dad too - because we wish we had a dad too".

in my opinion too often we (as a group) make assumptions based on what we think is right - i don't think that this is one area where we have that right. the right belongs to the child, and whilst we as parents bring that child into the world to protect and care for - we can not discount that half of that child's DNA as irrelivant based on our own insecurities.