Kazbah - Laughter is often the best way out of a situation. My DH can sometimes tell when I am about to burst and can often make me laugh and get past it.
I had forgotten that technique.
Thanks!
I really oscillate from getting quite stressed about things to just learning to let go. I'm getting better as I age.
I LOVE the phrase: "This too will pass" I've said it more times in BB than I can count.
I imagine lying on my death bed a lot when I am so worked up about an issue that i just can't let it go. I imagine what i would think looking back over my life... "will the fact that DH always left wet towels on the carpet make me wish that i could live a moment longer to make him understand how wrong it is?" Sometimes this actually strengthens my resolve: "will it matter that I don't teach my family to stop wasting water because it's a precious resource that no one should take for granted" "yes yes yes!" I worry a lot about the legacy of the environment we are leaving for our children.
Get in touch with nature. Meditate on a tree. That tree was probably there when you were born and will be there as you die. How big are your problems really? Life will go on. Will it go on in angst or peacefully?
What's more important? Being right or showing that you are the bigger person because you have to strength to say that you are wrong...even if you are not. If you are brave enough to say "Ok, I am wrong here too" that is a challenge to the other person to be humble and admit their mistakes too. I don't want to be remembered as a grumpy, antagonistic, proud, angry person if i was to die tomorrow. I want to be remembered as fair... as easy going.... as nice to be around. That might be the cost of "letting go".
I'm not sure what your DH is like and he may have a role in this too.... but you are your own person and as hard as it may be we shouldn't blame others for our faults. It all starts with you... who knows he might be inspired by your attitude to do some changing too
I try to find alternate reasons behind DH rude comments, tone of voice, snapping etc... Usually it is a bad day at work, nicotine withdrawal..... I'm aware that there is usually another cause for his mood, but I'm the one who he takes it out on. It is unfair to hurt the ones you are suppose to love the most, which is why they know they can get away with it. I usually tell myself over and over, it is his problem, not mine. I will tell him it was hurtful the way he spoke to me and that when he can be civilised again I'm happy to talk/listen etc...
I hope this helps in some way.
Nessa, I have the same problem - and its always silly little things too!!
What I do is write down what annoying me on a sheet of paper and fold it up and put it on the fridge for later - then dont think about it til later. A couple of hours later, I ll read all the notes on the fridge, and if it seems silly or not important, then it goes in the bin and I know I dont need to stress about it.
If the problem does really need to be addressed, then it goes back on the fridge until the next day, and then it gets addressed with cool heads.
The best thing is "Will this matter in 2 years time?" If it really wont, forget it, and move on, if it will, address it later on when you can think objectively.
A little OT, but when you are having troubles with something the DH is doing/saying/being etc, when talking to him about it, say "When you......., I feel........." rather than just getting mad and confronting him. My DH doesnt do confrontation, so I had to learn how to be upset and angry and still get through to him, and this technique helps us A LOT!
Good luck!
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