I try to find alternate reasons behind DH rude comments, tone of voice, snapping etc... Usually it is a bad day at work, nicotine withdrawal..... I'm aware that there is usually another cause for his mood, but I'm the one who he takes it out on. It is unfair to hurt the ones you are suppose to love the most, which is why they know they can get away with it. I usually tell myself over and over, it is his problem, not mine. I will tell him it was hurtful the way he spoke to me and that when he can be civilised again I'm happy to talk/listen etc...
I hope this helps in some way.