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Thread: *vent* public tantrums

  1. #19
    Chalalan Guest

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    My mum still tells the story of when I was little I was chucking a major tanty, kicking screaming the works and a little old lady came up to Mum and patted her on the back and said 'you're doing a great job, love'. She said it absolutely made her day to have a little bit of positive reinforcement.



    Chrissy, the bit of your story that galls me most is her yelling to the man to leave your daughter alone. What if he panicked because of it and didn't grab her when she really needed it, ie car coming along. People are scared to touch other peoples kids (and rightfully so in some cases) but its still important that people can react and grab a kid in an emergency. I hope this doesn't stop him from reacting, if needed, in future.

  2. #20

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    Thank you rolymogs That brought tears to my eyes.

    BabyLove, thank you as well, I did tell that man that I would have been much happier had her grabbed Matilda, he said he thought that lady may have been related so backed away but thanks for letting him know.

  3. #21
    Chalalan Guest

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    Christy, I was talking to my DH about what happened to you and when I mentioned that your old man was scared off from grabbing your daughter, my DH said that he wouldn't have picked her up either unless she was in mortal danger because he wouldn't want to have a mother yelling at him for touching her child....I think thats really sad

  4. #22

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    Oh dear, I agree, it's very sad. I would have preferred the man grab her if she was my DD if she was headed for a road. I also agree with Ryn, the old lady was tantrumming in her own way. Probably because she leads a lonely existence, maybe she has never had children of her own and thinks that solutions to problems like this ought to be straightforward and easily fixed. Pfft, I feel sorry for her and if she had said that to me about giving a good whallop I would have said "that will make it worse and you're making me feel worse too... you don't know what my child has been through today!" I can't stand it when people make snap decisions about situations

    Like everyone has said, you are a great mum! I'm reading The Science of Parenting and have just read about using your Reptilian brain when making poor parenting decisions like smacking in public (or at all, Just my opinion)... sounds like that old lady is a true DRAGON! And the old guy is a saint... there needs to be more people like that these days!

  5. #23

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    Sorry to be bumping this and commenting so late, I've only recently discovered this section and have been back reading a lot... nothing much else I can do when one arm has been claimed as a sleeping prop.

    Kids have tantrums, it's natural, it's normal and sometimes it's needed. Sometimes you just need to let out some excess emotion. Hell I had one just the other day, literally. I burst into tears, dropped to my knees and cried uncontrollably for 5 minutes. Thankfully I was in my living room.

    What parents don't need when faced with this situation is strangers (or even relatives) butting in and putting their 2c in. I'd loved to have stopped the woman who commented loudly that you can't control your kids and ask her what she thought that might have achieved? Was she hoping you would physically remove your child out of embarrassment? Gag her? Would that woman have felt proud to have brought another human down just because she could?

    And as for the "just whollop her" comment, I would have told her I'll whollop her in public instead and she can tell me how it feels. It's funny that the comment a child should fear you immediately took me back to my child hood and the fact I was always petrified of misbehaving in public for what it might bring on later. I'd be MORTIFIED if my DD ever feels like that with me.

    My mother and I don't have a good (or healthy, for me) relationship now, and for me, fear became "issues" and resentment. Fear is never something to instill in a child and I feel very sorry for anyone who thinks that it the way to get your child's respect. We respect our partners because we love them, why should the parent / child relationship be any different.

    Christy you did wonderfully that day and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. I've seen children having moments in public and parents looking around embarrassed. I always make an effort to give them a sympathetic look and let them know it's ok. If people are bothered by kids being kids, then they shouldn't leave the house.

  6. #24

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    I'd certainly ask if a mum with a young child chucking a huge tanty and another in tow if she needed a hand...but that's me.

  7. #25

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    Isnt it sad that so many people felt the best help for you was to judge and comment (and women at that) and only 1 person saw fit to actualley get in and help out. What a society we live in when peoples first reaction is to judge and comment with unhelpful comments.
    Christy how terrible for you to have to go through to scrunity of strangers when all you are trying to do is be a good mum. Good on you for not tell each and everyone of those interferring strangers where to go!

  8. #26

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    I'm curious, and sorry if I've missed it - how old (roughly) was the man that helped you? I picture a 50's or over gentlemen. Every now and then I've met a few that have remained in the "good old days" of helping and respecting women. Remind me of what grandad's would be like.

  9. #27

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    Thanks again!!! The older man was over 60 I'd say, definately a gentleman.

  10. #28

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    Oh Christy hon, I too have only just read this as I don't really come into this section of the forum very often.

    I'm so sorry to hear that amongst all the gawkers & judges there was only one person that tried to give you a hand with the kids. I honestly believe it's a sad indication of our society when that poor old man tried to grab Matilda for you (to stop her being hurt on the road) was told to leave her alone by the woman?!

    I'm sure I'm guilty of at some point 'judging' another parent mentally when watching a scene in front of me. It's not intentional and more than often it's the parents treating their children badly in public that I tend to form an internal opinion over. I certainly never say anything because as a parent there's nothing worse than having people vocally berate you over what you 'should' be doing in their books.

    I have offered help to parents with their hands full and a tantruming baby/toddler and been shot down; but I suppose more than often I've had people take me up on it. What takes a few minutes of my time can be the world of difference to a parent with their hands full.

    Christy, you are such a strong woman and brilliant Mummy hon. Please don't ever doubt your parenting instincts.

  11. #29

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    As for offering help, I wouldn't. Well, I may now, but not pre-DS. Even when pg I got evil looks and mummies rushing their babies away if I so much as greeted a baby who was looking at me. Even if they had been parked at the end of an aisle in a supermarket with no parent nearby. So offering to help or picking up a child? I'd be scared that the police would be called or I'd get abused, tbh. And that's the saddest part of today's society - we're all to scared to offer compassion and help.

  12. #30

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    I so know what you mean Rosehip. I'd love to offer help to anyone I thought might need it, but sadly do not as I have had my head bitten off in the past, and when it comes to children, too many people are too quick to think you're going to hurt, abuse or kidnap the child.

    But then in the same mind, if a stranger was to come up and offer help, I'd be hesitant too. Goes both ways I guess...

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