Coping with the negativity

[Daydream Believer]

Maz, you're an awesome mummy with gorgeous kiddies. Do the looks & comments back whenever they do stuff. Or everytime they do something say "oh, I read you shouldnt do that"

[Jennifer13]

Maz. Don't they appreciate how scary you are??? I know no one on BB would question your parenting methods - who do they think they are?

I'd look at them like they had grown another head if they suggested something that was at odds with what you practiced. "You think I should do WHAT? You've got to be joking, haven't you heard ... is harmful to/not good for/etc children because of ...?"

[miss.cinders]

Hey Mazzy fancy meeting you here x

How do you deal with the narkyness?

Hun sometimes you just have to accept some people are just judgemental fools. And eventually they'll realize their way isn't always the way to do things. That there are other ways to do things, even though they may not have 'approved' of them themselves in the past.

I have seen it heaps with my family.. I was always frowned upon for the way I did things where raising my kids was concerned.
My oh my! Have some things changed with the way they do things now!

Have faith in yourself sweets. You are an amazing Mumma, don't let some know-it-all persons make you feel bad about yourself OR question they way you raise your babes.

xxx

[believer]

Hey Maz,

Hope your weekend will be okay.
In my eyes, the way we parent is the norm. It is natural, respectfull and very loving.
But I am the only one really around here and I hate being commented on the way I parent.
I even have to defend myself to DH!

So big hugs to you and fingers crossed that the rest of the world around us catches on quickly!

[widdly]

believer - i have to defend myself to DH as well!

maz - i hope your weekend isnt as bad as you fear it will be. I have similar issues with family and friends. We have friends who have recently had their first baby and now they are THE experts in parenting chldren of any age LOL Always giving us diapproving looks when DS acts up or has his dummy when he is tired or asks to poo in a nappy. They are constantly giving s advice, their baby is 8 months old FFS!!! I just try to laugh about it, but then, I also choose not to hang around them, not so easy for you.

If you feel strong enough then definately stand up to them, they dont deserve the upper hand, and yes they sound like bullies. WHy should it bother them how you raise your babies??

I feel your pain I really do. I have an almost 4 year old who still poos in a nappy, has his dummy when he is really tired, wants to co-sleep (if it were just up to me he would co sleep every night, but DH has a problem with it, so it is a constant battle in this house). My sister thinks i am pathetic cause I dont yell at DS the moment he does something that is not ok, she hates that i explain the behaviour to him and give him 2 or thre chances to get it right. Mind you, she yells at her 12 month old when he spills biscuit on the floor, and he has already learnt to scream back at her, but no, I ma the bad parent LOL

I will be keeping an eye out for your vent after the weekend xxx Just remember you are an awesome mummy and your kids rock!

[Muffy]

maz i cant believe what im hearing...
if anything, they should look up to you!!! i know i do!!!
You are one fantastic mummy!! im not just saying that either!

I know this is easy for me to say, but dont even worry about what they think!!! you do a fantastic job being a cloth bum, baby carrying, comforting mummy!
They should envy you....

[Nettie]

Maz honey - you can't change what they'll do (you've got NO say in that). But you can change how you react to it - it's the only thing you DO have control over. Make a choice - affirm it to yourself every hour (or minute if necessary) and feel proud about your inner strength (like we all are!).

I can imagine from your kids perspective that they really need to know that you'll stay the same Mummy while you're there - iykwim. Just be yourself - it's what your kids know and love. If you can relax somewhat and not change what you do / are while you're there - the kids will feel this and be more themselves too. All the more reason to be proud of them.

I just say this because I know what I'm like when I go and stay somewhere else where I get judged - I have to put on some armour and it changes how I act and feel. DS can feel that and changes his behaviour likewise... Hope this makes sense!

[widdly]

very good point you make there about putting on your armour and your DS noticing, the same thing happens with us

[beckoes]

hugs to you, my mum tried to make a few comments when i went back to the uk in june. she told me she had got a travel cot for her and i explained i didnt need one becasue she slept in bed with me. Well, she managed to get a few comments in before i stopped her in her tracks and told her she either supported my way of parenting or just didnt comment. She never said another word. for what ever reason unfortunatley its not always that easy!!!!
I hope the dont give you trouble, and if they do i hope you and j man manage to explain things to them in a really clear and easy to understand way that they can understand that you are parenting these children and they are parenting thier own and you dont need and tips, thanks!!
hugs to you

[fionas]

I do agree that there comes a time when you have to say something.

I wouldn't debate it, everyone can quote different research and it will end up going around in circles.

So you can start off with the diplomatic, "we're perfectly happy with the way we're doing things thanks" and then move to the "let's agree to disagree shall we" and if that doesn't work you'll just have to tell it like it is and say, "you obviously don't think we're great parents and let me tell you, I don't think you're great parents either so let's leave it at that shall we?"

I know some of my friends don't agree with my methods. Usually I just go home and vent to DP about what they're doing and how stuffed it is. But now if they say something really dumb, I point it out to them and y'know what, they get a bit of a shock because usually I'm the water off a duck's back sort of person.

[alioops]

How was your weekend hun?

[CrazyLady]

Yes im the family hippy..the crazy SIL who makes her kids wear those cloth nappies and eat what they like, the one who has the piercings and is a SAHM who doesnt work stupid hours like them

I swear that's what MIL thinks of me. at the end of the day i really don't care. A lot of those "clinical" parenting techniques are so hard and cold. Children shouldn't be made to fit into lives and schedules.

[Gigi]

Will you physically be under the same roof as all these relatives who have SUCH a different parenting style to you? When you have no escape (cos all living in same house for example), i could see that driving you round the bend real fast. Imposisible to suck it up for three days straight, when you are getting it from MULTIPLE rellies, contiuously, about things that will come up heaps, with all four kids, every day for three days, three nights straight.

it's not, in iteslef, a bad thing that they parent differently.
it's the TOTAL lack of respect for anyone that does things
they don't respect YOU
each time they disparage you, tell you THEIR way is better, it's twisting the knife into your back

you keeping quiet, not pushing your views onto them, it's not working hon

i suspect you're trying "to be the better person" (and all power to you for having a go), but they are not getting that

they must be interpreting your silence, as encouragement to keep disrespecting you
(that's what their behaviour suggest to me anyhoo)

avoiding conflict is something i do too
but sometimes, the longer you avoid it, the MORE you do blow up, when it eventually comes to a head (all that pent up emotion, after puttin gup with it for so long, the resentment builds and builds).

can your kids see their rellies WITHOUT living under the same roof?
e.g meet at a neutral place in the daytime like a park
sleep and bathe somewhere else, so you have your own turf, your own haven, where you don't have to put up with all the BS.

People can feel extremely threatened, by people who act differently than they do themselves.

it means you are thinking, have considered mainstream stuff (and rejected it). but it means you think about stuff. not everyone does.

[maz]

I did it.....3 days and 2 nights. Everything was ok until saturday night when I watched my SIL force feed ops sorryh I mean 'dream feed' a bottle ful of expressed milk down her 6 week old daughter throat so she would sleep until 7am It was one of the hardest things for me to watch and I was on the verge to tears doing so. I never force feed my children and let them demand feed, even on the bottle...she was gagging and falling asleep and they kept waking her up by taking her blanket off her on the back veranda in the cold.

I ended up going back inside until she was back in bed...MIL didnt like doing it either..she wasnt impressed. Then the whole immunisation chat started and I was 'downed' because I said Mini me and Tank wont be getting 4yo needles....'why not'..um because im not putting that **** into my children. I was then told I should go and get my injections after I stupidly told them all I wasnt immunised at all...oh the horror!!!!!

I did stand up and say how much I loved co sleeping and they commented how disgusted they all were at the thought of having to co sleep with their children. I listened how they chatted between themselves about how they saw some stupid woman carrying their toddler on their back when the child could quiet obviously walk...I made a point of bringing out and showing off my new baby hawk carrier the next morning and nothing was said.

J man and I were a little shocked aswell. We play with our children....roll around on the grass, run, giggle scream with them. We went to a beer gardern bfday bash and although the others were walking with their children NONE I mean NONE actually giggled and played with them like we were. They were more then happy to stand there with their plasted on smiles watching us though...atleast when our children look back at the photo's of their child hoold they'll seen smiling faces and pics of their parents joining in with them.

I really do find that so many people IRL roll their eyes and are only to happy to tell me how bad much of a rod im making for my back and from now on I dont care anymore....thank you all girls for helping my find the inner strength and also making me feel normal

[Eenee]

Maz I can't believe they treat you with utter disrespect, they should be ashamed of themselves!

Good on you for being a good mum, too bad for them they can't see how lucky your children are!

Glad you survived the weekend, cos if I was in your situation I probably wouldn't have even gone. xx

[CrazyLady]

J man and I were a little shocked aswell. We play with our children....roll around on the grass, run, giggle scream with them. We went to a beer gardern bfday bash and although the others were walking with their children NONE I mean NONE actually giggled and played with them like we were. They were more then happy to stand there with their plasted on smiles watching us though...atleast when our children look back at the photo's of their child hoold they'll seen smiling faces and pics of their parents joining in with them.

People don't play with thier children? WTF?!?!? Serious? That's awful. I feel that society seems to be going back to the "children should be seen but not heard" ways. It's horrid!

[~Minny~]

We play with our children....roll around on the grass, run, giggle scream with them. atleast when our children look back at the photo's of their child hoold they'll seen smiling faces and pics of their parents joining in with them.

This is why i cant wait to have more kids, god willing anyways! Sounds like bliss

Good on you for standing up to them, your doing a fantastic job doing things your own way!

[Jaycee]

Like u said Maz, when your children look back on their childhood photos and memories, they are going to see a happy, loving family who had a blast and a mother and father who instilled good values into them in the process!

You and J are wonderful, loving, caring parents and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise!

And I'm with you, I couldn't think of anything better than snuggling up with my little man in bed, we no longer co-sleep, but on the odd occasion he wakes during the night, he's in bed with us and I honestly love it!