In this day and age...

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I hate it when DH does the housework! I'd rather he took DS out and let me do it. I am very uncomfortable with him doing more than putting clothes in the washbin, cleaning the loo, the gardening (all of it) and the dishwasher. I really hate him vacuuming, although he is so meticulous it is quite nice when he's finished, but I still don't like it. I do all the cooking, pretty much, so can't complain there. He just helps out with the roasts and stuff.

He does know and tells me that when DS is around that's my job (or his if it's his turn or I'm not around - but DS is a full time "job" without chores thrown in) and he can do housework. Well, yesssss, but I'd rather he took DS out and I did it! That's since he started having DS when I was at work though, before he thought it was easy and a holiday! Now he's a cloth nappy addict, talks poo and nap-times, cleans like a dervish... and spends hours a day on warcrack. At least it shows I can raise a child, it has only taken me eight years to train DH up like this and DS is already loading and unloading the dishwasher so it looks like I've got the hang of this childrearing!

[katkins]

I too am one of those who gets very little help. Dh cooks every night, but only because he has a very restricted diet. I do everything else pretty much. I pick up after the kids, him and I even find time usually to split the firewood for the night and take out the rubbish. I change bums, feed, etc. I seriously hate the fact that my house looks messy most of the time because I just don't have ten hands and I have two toddlers and a lil bub. I will step forward and say I had no idea Dh was like this before I married him. He always did most of the housework when we met and even when I moved in with him before we got married. Then I left work when I was 20+ wks preg with Kat (was doing too much heavy lifting etc) and he changed. I have the "Luxury" of being home during the day. And if I want him to do the housework, we can't go out on the weekend. I am stuck with three kids, not doing much outside the house, the weekends are the times I look forward to going out. So I just do the housework so things run smoother and we can do what we want on the weekends. I love my Dh and I love my kids. But sometimes I don't love my life. I feel like a slave to them all at times. But the happy times with them makes up for it all and now the girls can do a lot of stuff themselves, It's slowly getting better. Sometimes I feel I'd be better off without him, and in many ways I would. Even financially. But he does take some of the stress from me by playing with the kids for 15 mins or holding and keeping bry from screaming the house down long enough for me to get the bottle ready. I love seeing the bond between the kids and him. Even Bry looks at him with such love and adoration, I'd feel horrible taking them away from him.
He's stopped the putting me down and he's trying more with the kids etc. So I am happier than I was a few months ago when I was looking at leaving and getting advice etc.

[lullabyblue]

At first I was really worried with the fact that DH works from home & we have a fairly small house- I was concerned that DS & I would annoy him/ bother him/ take his mind off his work (which we do sometimes)

But, it has in fact been a real blessing. DH gets to see EXACTLY what it is like to have to care for a baby 24/7. He realises how difficult it is somedays to get dinner cooked, nappies and clothes washed, house cleaned etc & still make sure the little one's needs are met. I couldn't ask for a more supportive and caring husband! He's always been pretty good but I really feel that because he gets to see how demanding being a mum is he has much more respect for me than if he went to work all day from 9 to 5 & then arrived home to a house that looks like a bomb hit it! He always tells me that I am doing a great job and now actually asks me if there is anything he can do to help me!!!!

Having said all of that, my attitude to housework has COMPLETELY relaxed. I am just too tired to be bothered with a spick and span house anymore. DH is always willing to clean up in the evenings but I would much rather spend some quality time with him before my bed time (9.30pm!!!). Housework can wait!

[sunshine_sieben]

This is definitely an issue most have something to say about.
I have to admit, my attitude towards my DH can change from one day to the next. He's generally pretty good. But he can also be very insensitive and unappreciative at times.
I consider myself a SAHM. but I am not really. Since DD was 7 months old, I have been going to work 1 day/week (we run our own business) and from day one, I have been woring from home a bit. I thought this would be easy. Boy was i wrong. I had no idea how much work a baby can be. Especially if you're into AP and have a "clingy" baby. I do consider the bulk of childrearing and housework as my job. Just like the bulk of our business is DH's job. But in the evenings, when he gets homw, the least he can do is keep DD amused so I can cook our dinner. And while I do her bed time routine, I don't consider it too much to ask, when I ask him to stack the dishwasher. He will ALWAYS do it if I ask him to. But he wouldn't think of it himself. In the mornings he now sometimes even empties the dishwasher. Which I love. Cause i cant do that while DD is awake, she just tries to climb into it. Lawn mowing is his job, too. And in the early days, walking the dog was, too. But now I usually take the dog and DD to the park during the day.
DH wasn't always this helpful. But a few months ago, DH was in charge of DD for a whole day (I can't remember what I was doing, probably the BAS) and then again the next morning. He realised how much work looking after her really was. He absolutely loved spending time with her. But he realised how little time he had to do any of the household chores. He had planned to clean the kitchen and vaccuum, but didn't get any of that done.
So I guess, I am pretty lucky. And I shouldn't nag... but sometimes it does get all too much and he's the only one I can ask for help, so I do nag him to do a little more... But he also gets up to go to work at 5:30am some days, and some days he doesn't get home til 8pm. And just like I only have 24 hours in a day, so does he.
I do really try to appreciate what he does and make a big fuss. like when he empties the dishwasher and takes out the rubbish in the morning, I often call him at work to thank him and tell him how much that made my morning easier. I know I like to be appreciated, so does he.

For Mother's Day, he got into trouble because he hadn't seen the need to get me anything ("Hey, you're not my mother, and Maya is too young to know what's going on anyway") But then he got me a card that read: Being a mum is aways easy, fun and carefree - no, wait, that's being a dad" I loved that.

Sasa

[krysalyss]

I have an awesome DH. We share everything. We both work 50% (well more but the rest we do at night when DS is asleep). and look after DS 50%. He cooks, I wash the dishes. We both share the rest of the stuff. It works really well for us as we both get to spend time with our son, and have some 'adult' (work) time as well and we share the things we both hate.
Whenever someone tells me that I am lucky, I tell them that I credit my intelligence for choosing DH. lol. But seriously, it is great that he just sees it as normal and not something he is doing to 'help' me.

[Bathsheba]

I agree that "luck has nothing to do with it" and that we choose the type of man we want in our lives or what is in our comfort zone (what our own fathers were like)... sometimes it's not a conscience decision but it's there, in the back of our minds when we make a choice to settle down with someone I think.

Fiona: well said darl Just need to spread a little love and I'll come back to that post of yours! LOL

I'm not lucky or fortunate to have a man who accepts that if there is work to be done at home (be it looking after the kids or cleaning etc) he will roll up his sleeve and just do it and do it well. I'm not lucky because I knew he would be this way the moment I first laid eyes on him! The moment we met he was ironing his hankies! No joke. Then for the year that we were platonic friends (before we got involved) I saw him cook many meals, vacuum, hang out washing, put away clutter, deal with pooey cat litters without a fuss and express a preference for a basic level of tidyness... not perfection, just environments that you wouldn't be ashamed to have people visit at a moments notice. This wasn't done to impress me. He didn't know that he was going to meet me the night he was ironing those hankies! It's just how he is. A normal, well adjusted individual that takes responsibilty for the mess he and his children and even I make. But he wasn't raised that way... he was largely self taught bless him!

I've been a SAHM for the last 5 years. My DH works in a very demanding management role in the finance industry... which is basically done at a desk. He freely admits that he is often tired when he comes home but that house work is not tiring because he often feels the need to do a bit of excercise anyhow (his favourite is hanging out the washing). Sometimes he stuffs up a bit and leaves a dirty nappy lying around after a change... but it generally doesn't bother me... i tell him about it, he apologises, we move on.

Great thread Jordie.

[Bathsheba]

(Double post)