You know what girls, nearly everything you've all said I do LOL! We have 3 strikes unless its dangerous or extremely unexceptable behaviour. I use time out to set boundaries, I don't like it to be used as a threat as I don't think it works. As humans we work on consequences, we do things to see what the consequence or reaction is and then we know what to expect and are comforted or feel safe by that. I find when Paris knows whats going to happen we have a happy house

I try really hard not to yell, but sadly I'm still learning on that one. In 4 yrs I can honestly say I can count on my fingers the times I've done my top, but I will have to start using toes soon LOL! However we have a very strict respect policy in our house. We respect each other as people, not as child or adult, parent or daughter but as people and I find this works best for us. In any situation of any type of behaviour I always try and find a reason, a reason for the behaviour or a reason why it bothers me, or both. And then I try and work with that.

But I'm not perfect, I often forget, and need to remind myself. For example most recently (last wednesday in fact) Paris had been playing with the remote, and when I went to look for it, it couldn't be found. I asked her where it was, she said she didn't know. I asked her to look for it so she wandered aimlessly through the house and came back and said she did. Now I know she hadn't looked she walked into each room stood at the door looked around and resolved that it couldn't be seen, therefore found LOL! I kept asking her please look for it, don't just stand at the door but LOOK for it. I was starting to get more and more anxious, then frustrated, then I finally lost my top and screamed "WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME, I'VE ASKED YOU TO LOOK FOR IT!" And she's immediately covered her ears and said straight to my face "Mummy DO NOT YELL, the sound is hurting my ears" I snapped out of it instantly and apologised and cuddled her and repeatedly told her I was sorry for getting so angry, and I shouldn't have yelled blah blah blah (this is another strong policy in our house, if they should have to apologise for behaviour we don't like the same applies to us, and just as I can tell her to stop doing something so can she ie. yelling). We had a cry together and I felt (as you do) like the worlds WORST mother. I kept thinking about how many times this has happened, and how each time I say to myself you can't let this happen again etc etc. But then I stopped, I looked at her and I realised this wasn't working, I needed to address the problem differently. So I sat down and tried to think about why she didn't listen, and I realised. I have never shown her how to find something, how can I possibly expect a 3 nearly 4 yr old to find something when she doesn't know how. The reason she doesn't listen isn't because she wants to **** me, but its because she either doesn't understand what I'm saying, is distracted or doesn't have the confidence to do what I've asked and therefore needs my help. SO next time I'll stop and think about WHY she isn't doing what I've asked, or answering me or whatever it is that I normally respond with in my head "She's not listening". And I realised that with this "listening" situation I wasn't doing what I normally do and ask "why?". And I agree very much with Kelly's theory on "you reap what you sow" and she respects me and reacts to me in the same way.

I am very pleased with how Marc and I have raised Paris. I am very lucky that we are on the same page when it comes to parenting. And I look at little things and I am glad. When I was a child and my father or mother yelled at me, I would NEVER in a million years had the guts to tell them to stop yelling. I know I shouldn't have yelled in the first place, but the fact she can tell me she doesn't like it and to stop makes me feel as though I've done something right, as she doesn't fear me or think I am intimidating iykwim. And so much so that the next day we were sitting and talking, reflecting about the wonderful day we'd had. And she mentioned that I hadn't yelled today. And I said no and she went on to say how "You screamed soooo loud mummy, and I don't like that like I don't like the wind or the fire (the towers at crown)" and I told her I know and that I would try not to do it again, I said I couldn't promise I wouldn't but I promised to try very hard (there's no point in promising something you can't, or she'll end up not trusting me). Her next remark was, "You wouldn't want to do that again" in a slightly threatening voice. I said why. Her reply was "Because the policeman will come and take you away, and that wouldn't be very nice would it mummy?" I was shocked. I've never used the policeman threat, I think its stupid she should see a policeman as a person she can trust not someone to fear. I explained to her casually that the policeman wouldn't take me away for screaming. But mummy should try not to scream because Paris doesn't like it, and (honestly) neither does mummy.

Oh and lastly Theresa, Paris has never been smacked EVER. It has not done her any harm, in fact it has only done her good. It has taught me and her to overcome our differences through communication as I think they should be. I can see the difference a "talk" will have on Paris almost instantly. I was always warned that if I didn't smack her she would be naughty etc etc. Well Paris has great manners, she *does* listen (even though sometimes I think she doesn't), she knows her boundaries, and she is very thoughtful and concerned when she has overstepped them.

This post is definitely bigger than I wanted, but I'm loving this section and I'm sure I'll be posting more.

*hugs*
Cailin