we, too, have never ever smacked our children, they are 10, 7 and 3 months. we were told that a smack never harmed anyone, would show them who was boss, sort them out! none of which, i believe, are true. we also base our family relationship on mutual respect. we all knock on each others doors. we speak nicely to each other, we consider the other person's point of veiw. our children are very respectful, loving and kind of us, each other and friends and have great self esteem, and a great sence of justice. we have weekly family meetings and have done so since our older child was about 3. this entails how we are feeling around the family. any issues we have and naming at least 3 positive things that another person has done within that week. this has taught our kids to be proud of themselves and each other (it also helps our self esteem as adults too as an aside!) we are always honest with our kids and try to encourage openness and honesty. i really believe ignoring bad behaviour has worked for us and as soon as the behaviour stops we try and find something positive that the child does for example my 7 year old didn't want to get drinks of water for everyone tonight at the dinner table (this is part of the jobs on job day which they alternate) DH my 10 year old and i kept our discussion going ignoring him until he gave up on not doing and went and got the water. as soon as he went towards the tap i said good boy zak for being so careful of the dishes in the sink and then included him in the conversation. have to go bubba crying be back to finish soon

beckles