Row - yep, DP's gonna plant up some veggies in the veggie patch and I've flagged planting seedlings in a pot, too -thanks!
Ryn - He seems to be missing a function for the moment - he LOVES flowers and will smell them, stroke them and say "I love them"...before plucking its petals off or ripping the whole stalk off! He loves gardens. I think some time at my parents' new place might help - they have bought into a beautifully established garden, and my mum has to resurrect the veggie patch there. They live a while away but I'll be there in a couple of weeks for a week, where we can walk the gardens and talk about the plants while my mum or sister gives DD cuddles. That's part of the issue, I think - I'm not able to give him my full attention for explanations because I have DD, even though she's in a sling.
It's not just plants anymore - he's lashing out at things and throwing things when he's raging (and he's raging, something he only did rarely prior to now!). So, I said the unconscionable...I threatened to withdraw Babu (boob)! Well, only because during a raging session last night he lay back on his bed and asked for Babu, so I told him I didn't want to give him any more if he was going to be so rude to me; "not today, not tomorrow, not the next day - DD will get it all from now on if you can't help me and be nice to me". Well, unlike other 'incentives' this is one that he won't gamble I'm joking on. It's too important to him, and on occasion it does help to regulate him (he mostly has it now as a reassurance and extra loving thing, and sometimes it helps him when he's been upset by something). And he brought it up whilst raging, it's not like I racked my brain thinking of some way to 'punish' him, I really didn't feel like giving him any while he was being so grotty. We actually then were able to have a conversation after that and he got his Babu It's only morning now, bu tso far, so good...
Ok, had to do some revision - read over some Toddler Tactics recently and had conversations with friends of similarly aged children...feeling far more normal now, and like we've been using the same stick to self-flagellate it would appear the consensus is that Y chromosome!
Getting back on track with my parenting. Being oppositional with DS was never my style and now that I've had a go at it, I realise it's not working anyway. Time to turf it from my 'toolbox', it's maladaptive! Since I have had this reassertion of my previous parenting values, things are actually improving. Helps that the weather has cooled off for a a bit, too...
It's only morning now, bu tso far, so good...
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it would appear the consensus is that Y chromosome! 
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