I don't use threats to get a required outcome. I have consequences that are appropriate for the child. If there is an issue with behaviour it is very rarely incident based. It is pattern based and it usually extends from a certain boundary that they don't either understand or adhere to. And every situation be it large or small has a consequence. Not because I'm trying to punish and hurt my child. Not because I want or expect immediate changes in behaviour. Because it is a tool to teach. And sometimes the consequences aren't "Time out" or confiscation of toys/TV/Technology. Generally the consequence is best suited to the situation at hand so that he is learning something. Threatening a child with anything be it time out or any other punishment isn't going to fix the behaviour or help them understand what they are doing is not ok, or better yet that they have the tools to choose something else that will have a better outcome.

For example DS is going through really selfish phase. Last night we had a really big talk about it, and even though it's something I've been trying to teach him through other methods we've come up with a way for him to practice. Now this is a consequence. I had a moment where I lost the plot over something trivial he had done, and I yelled. Something I wasn't proud of. So we sat down and had a chat. Now he has a new task to help him practice selflessness. Every day he is going to do something selfless to show me that he is practicing. And also to show him how good it feels to practice being nice, sharing, being thoughtful to others.

I believe every little bit of challenging behaviour is an opportunity for us to teach our children something different. And teaching them that just because I said so doesn't work. It isn't giving them the life skills they need as adults. And that is our job. To teach children to be good humans. Isn't it? It's not about our inconvenience, or what others think. It's about setting them up for success. And whether it's objecting to bedtime, bopping a sibling with a toy, or screaming. They are all behavioural traits that can be unlearned and it's up to us to do that. Instead of dealing with the moment, look at the big picture. I'm not going to say I don't lose the plot, or I don't find things frustrating. I do, and I yell and I get upset. But I put that in check when I can and dig deeper and try work backwards. And it works. I've never had to threaten a smack. If you ask my DS what a smack is he'll look at you blankly. Yet they are good kids. Most kids are, they are just learning. And sometimes it takes them a little longer to get it. And what are they getting? Sharing - Respect for others, Tantrums - Dealing with emotions, Constantly wanting everything now - Self awareness, and the awareness of others, as well as patience. These are the lessons that we teach. Not just because I said so. But WHY. WHY do I have to do this? And TBH this is a very fair question.