hey, we have the 3 second rule for food at our place too. but a shopping centre floor just seems a bit gross to me. these two little fellas werent crawling.. just wiggling around on their bellies.
but maybe thats not the judgemental me... maybe thats the clean freak, germphobic me...
yep, and it doesn't always come from a conscious effort. i think that the majority of the time that we do this is not so much to denegrate or 'tut tut' other parenting, but rather as a way to re-evaluate our own choices. so sometimes i go: 'oh, i would [I]never[I] do that...', then i think 'hmmm actually...' ITMS. of course there are situations where it is a total no go for me, but for the most part i think it is all about learning and taking note and placing ourselves in the others shoes with their kids iykwim.
I think sometimes when I am judgemental towards other parents it comes from a frustration that sometimes we take the "hard road" with DS in the belief that it is worth it in the end. By that I mean we parent him to sleep instead of leaving him to cry, even though it sometimes takes a really long time. Or persevering with breastfeeding even when it was frustrating. So when I go to mother's group and everyone is going on about how their babies sleep through the night blah blah blah I am sometimes a bit judgemental and think well that is because your baby is traumatised because you left him to cry for 2 hours.
Another example is at Christmas time, we were trying to help DS to sleep, at that time it was a very difficult task as he had reflux and breast refusal issues, I was putting him to sleep in one room and my cousin put her baby to sleep in another room. We heard her little one crying (which woke my DS up again!) and after a while I said to DP do you want to just check cos my cousin might have gone downstairs and can't hear him. DP went out and my cousin was standing outside the door listening to him cry. I felt very frustrated at the time because I was spending hours helping DS to sleep and her baby woke mine up and she was leaving him to cry. It made me feel better to tell myself that we were better for not leaving DS to cry.
Mumiloo - You may incorrectly judge me as well. My almost 4mth old sleeps all night and has since before xmas and I have never once practiced controlled crying. She is fully breastfed, has no dummy and if she does for some reason wake I feed her but she sleeps 8-12 hrs every night with no controlled crying so it is definatly possible, she just loves sleep like her mumma I usually rock her to sleep for ages or feed to sleep but she is just starting to put herself off without me, she just sucks her hand now. I have had every BF issue under the sun and express almost full time but don't think that because someone uses formula they aren't as strong as me, i'm just bloody stubborn! I have also been close to giving it up before but am determined to give my baby bm.
In saying that I found myself having judgemental thoughts the other day at mothers group. There was a mum there with her 3.5mth old and she was saying how she doesn't feed through the night anymore and just gives her DD the dummy if she wakes up so "she knows she won't get fed" then during the day "only feeds every 4hrs when i'm ready to feed her." I was thinking "god that poor baby, she's gone all night with no food and her mum won't even give her any extra through the day to make up for it. But instead of b****ing about it to my friends there I kept my mouth shut and went home and told DH about it instead.
I think this goes back to critically evaluating and judging. To me you made an assumption that babies who sleep through have mothers that practice CC and therefore that sounds judgemental but in the situation of your cousin you were just critically evaluating the situation.
Yes, I do judge. I dont' think we can help it really, but what matters is what we do about it once we find ourselves judging people.
For example I tend to be very harsh on people I know. Not just those whose parenting styles are not like mine as I know they may be doing what I consider the "wrong" thing but for the right reasons, ie they love their baby and are trying to do what they think is best for him. No, I tend to be (privately) judgemental of those who do things like let their 9 month old baby eat most of a Pizza Hut pizza on her own , I couldn't believe it when I heard it but they were boasting about it cause they were proud of her "achievement". I certainly had a lot to say about that, to DH only.
On the other hand I try very hard not to judge people I don't know. Like if I see someone in a shopping centre doing something I don't do. Mind you, it's very hard not to judge a woman shouting and swearing at her kids. Also I'm like Myson, I'd never let my child roll around the floor of a shopping centre food court, those places are filthy! But DD did crawl around the floor of the church on Sundays as I knew it was vacuumed and kept reasonably clean.
I also try not to feel judged which I think is something that affects how we judge others. Like my 3.5 month old sleeps 8 hours a night but it didn't occur to me to feel judged by what Mumiloo said as I just assumed she knew that the mothers in her mothers group had actually practiced CC and that's why their babies slept through.
This whole judging thing is a bit of a minefield really. Especially when you feel really strongly about some things, like gentle parenting.
Olive's mum and Eugenia- lucky you! When I was talking about someone from mothers group it was someone who actually said that she had left her baby to cry for 2 hours and even though it was really hard now they were sleeping through the night. When I am in a good mood and thinking logically though, I don't judge her or my cousin- they are just doing what they think is best and what they have been taught to do by books etc. What I was trying to say was that the nasty judgemental part of me seems to come out when I am feeling frustrated about how things are going in my own family- maybe there is a bit of doubt there about whether I am doing the right thing, or a feeling of "if only it was that easy". I think when I am judgemental it is more about me than them. I am trying to be more aware of this.
Last edited by mumiloo; February 13th, 2009 at 08:13 AM.
: add stuff
mumiloo - IKWYM about other parents doing things 'the easy way' when you have gone the long gentle road. Those people may judge us and think 'god they are wussy parents.' I think this thread is good in that it makes you evaluate the way you think about others. I obviously jumped to the conclusion that you were talking in general terms regarding sleep but eugenie took it to mean that you knew the people in your MG practiced CC so it's interesting how we interpret things differently and how that affects our jugdement as well. Sorry I misinterpreted yor comment.
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I usually rock her to sleep for ages or feed to sleep but she is just starting to put herself off without me, she just sucks her hand now. I have had every BF issue under the sun and express almost full time but don't think that because someone uses formula they aren't as strong as me, i'm just bloody stubborn! I have also been close to giving it up before but am determined to give my baby bm.
, I couldn't believe it when I heard it but they were boasting about it cause they were proud of her "achievement". I certainly had a lot to say about that, to DH only.
When I was talking about someone from mothers group it was someone who actually said that she had left her baby to cry for 2 hours and even though it was really hard now they were sleeping through the night. When I am in a good mood and thinking logically though, I don't judge her or my cousin- they are just doing what they think is best and what they have been taught to do by books etc. What I was trying to say was that the nasty judgemental part of me seems to come out when I am feeling frustrated about how things are going in my own family- maybe there is a bit of doubt there about whether I am doing the right thing, or a feeling of "if only it was that easy". I think when I am judgemental it is more about me than them. I am trying to be more aware of this.
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