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Thread: Feeling guilty

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2006

    Unhappy Feeling guilty

    I've just had a really terrrible night - DD slept pretty well though was up about 4 times. She woke at 12pm and instead of feeding her as usual my DH setttled her - this took about 40 mins but we decided we were going to persist this week with settling rather than just feeding. Anyway I was awake for all of this (I can't sleep when she's crying) and then couldn't get back to sleep. Finally fell asleep about 4.45am but then DD awoke at 5.30am and 6.30am - needless to say I am exhausted!!!

    The reason I feel guilty is because my DH works very hard - he does 4 day shift work as well as his own business. He's a great hands-on dad but I feel guilty about letting him do the settling when I know how tired he is. He says not to worry and he's on hols this week so he can help out more during the night.

    I feel though like it's a vicious circle because if I do get a couple of hours to myself to sleep or chill, I still feel bad that DH is then tired too. I know it doesn't sound rational but I am hardly rational at the moment! I know he will get home from a job this arvo and look after DD but the whoel time I'm "relaxing" I feel guily so i hardly relax at all. THIS IS NO WAY BECAUSE of anything my DH says or does - it's crazy me.

    Just really needed to vent and maybe some sleep suggestions would be lovely. for me and DD!!!!

  2. #2
    bubNo.2 Guest


    Hello JordieC:

    I think us women in general get the GUILTS over stupid little things all the time. I know i do lol .
    Worse for me as i was a single mum for 6 years when i met my beauitiful finace DF Scott.... ! AS im so used to doing EVERYTHING i have to allow myself to be spoilt . Im not used to someone else making cups of tea or dinner (but i love it) or more towards your topic yes getting up to a child! Im pregant again to my second and scotts 3rd and he said he was always a hands on dad from the word go and i asked yes but at night it would be the pits as you would be tired for work he said chikdren are only little for a short time and it is all part of having a baby!

    YES I hear where you are coming from but i think you just have to tell yourself not to worry and actually count your lucky stars that your partner likes helping!

    Men arent like us women ...they dont tend to need as much sleep as us and when they do they totally crash and you cant wake them even with a bomb lol

    So take a step back my dear and enjoy your partnership and your little one.

    Cheers Ainsley

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Dandy Ranges ;)


    Isn't it horrid?

    The compromise DH and I have at the moment (which I'm sure will change when I go back to work) is that I'll get up to Pip during the week, and on either Fri or Sat night he'll get up to him. Those nights I'll sleep in another room and actually SLEEP through, even if DS doesn't!

    Is there any chance your DD is starting teething? The good news is that when you move onto solids, and start feeding her tea, something like potato will help her sleep through overnight.

    But then she'll start teething and all sleep will be out the window anyhows!

    good luck (and don't feel guilty - your hubby wants to take an interest and that's wonderful, so many people want their hubbies to take an interest!)

  4. #4


    Hun, parenting is a full-time job. Not a piddling "40-hour-a-week is full time" job, but one that NEVER stops from which you NEVER can take a break. That's PARENTING, not mothering. My DH goes out to work, when he's home he "relaxes". Yes, he does help out, but he sees the house as my work and doesn't think I should get a 6-hour break every evening before bed, nor should I get weekends off. Yes, if I've been up more than an hour he'll agree to get out of bed and help re-settle DS, but I've still done up to 2 hours on my own before that. He "helpfully" will remind me that screaming at DS to just shut up and sleep, it's one in the morning and I've had no sleep doesn't work. Then goes back to bed. Where's my time off? He gets it!

    Anyway, my PoV is that I've trained myself to be selfish. He gets computer game time for HOURS if he wants it. Why shouldn't I be able to sleep some nights? Or at least stay in bed every once in a while.

  5. #5
    RobynG Guest


    Hey Jordie,
    Damn that mothers guilt...if its not feeling guilty coz you have fed your child canned food due to mid week exhaustion then its the "I must be an unfit mother and wife because I have been home all day and still not found time to clean up the dinner dishes from last night (Which DH said he would do anyway, but I feel like I should because he works all day)". I can totally relate to what your saying. My DH works really hard and does a great job at helping out where he can. We did end up coming to an agreement on getting up at night though. During the week I get up and on the weekend he will. We also agreed I would have one sleep in on the weekend and he will have the other day.

    My DH just stuck his head in and said to tell you to relax. He probably enjoys the chance to help you on his holidays, when he may not be able to at other times. He can share the load and give you some relief. If he has the capacity and willingness to do it, let him do it.

    With our first baby I really had to work hard at not feeling guilty about things and the second time around, its so much easier. Its all part of the learning to be parents together thing.

    It definately sounds like your little one could be teething or something though. Also it can take a baby three days to establish a new routine. If your trying to cut out the middle of the night feed it may take her a few days to get over the habit of waking for it. Keep perservering with settling rather than feeding. Wrapping your baby or giving a late night 10:30-11pm rollover feed could help too.

    Its only a season so hang in there.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    hoppers crossing


    Rosehip_Fairy i totally understand that, i understand my hubby works hard at his ****ty job and dumbass bosses but im with OUR son from 7am till 5pm when hubby gets home. and i just want 5mins to myself. i will say my DH is great at night. but my job doesnt stop when he gets home. so it does tick me off.

    Why are they like that?lol

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