Heaven, I know you feel bad, but let me tell you, with a three and a half year old who still gets a bit rough with her fingers when she's feeding, she really needs to learn you mean business.

My DD was distraught when a little baby and I said Ouch! the first time she hurt me (unexpectedly) while bfing. The look on her little face was sooo upsetting! I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that this is when they are at their most secure in your arms, peaceful and happy, and your discomfort sort of comes as a shock? But if you have a natural fiddler you need to find a balance between her realising that you need to enjoy the moment as much as her. See if you can distract her by playing with her fingers, give her your hand, or find something she can touch/fiddle with/pinch that doesn't hurt you.

So 'gentle' and move her hand straight onto what she's 'allowed' to touch instead. It has kind of worked with DD, although I'm wishing I'd found an alternative to my belly button...