Unsolicited advice and criticism - what you want to say or have said
Well, I was in the shower thinking about stuff and I thought of another comeback for comments from people about how we parent DS.
For comments such as "don't you think it's time to cut his hair", "sleeping in your bed? That's a bad habit", etc, I could say "When your opinion about it matters, I'll let you know".
Then another: "If it concerned you, I would have consulted you about it". They can both be said nicely or snappily - a one-size-fits-all response!
When it's someone who genuinely wants to know why I do what I do, or don't, then I'll patiently explain myself, and they generally come round to my gentle methods! Otherwise, I just say something like "we all love co-sleeping", "I don't like to go bed alone, why should he", "why would I stop breastfeeding when he loves it so much".
The older he gets, though, the more I get comments about 'still BFing', co-sleeping, leaving his hair long, not 'conventionally' disciplining him, not having a strict early bedtime yaddiyaddah...
What do you do or not do with your child that has attracted comment and 'conventional wisdom' and how have you responded (or wanted to respond, in hindsight), depending on how civil or narky you felt they deserved to be dealt with? After all, us gentler parenters are raising anarchistic ferals and we need to stick together for when our children turn against us!
Not exactly what I had in mind, studentmum, but effective, all the same!
Rainforest - thought about lying, just feels like a disservice to the next person that person meets who co-sleeps or doesn't cut their son's hair, or whatever! I'm a big leftie, unionist bleeding-heart...I am pretty good under fire
Are you still breastfeeding??? !) Yes, its because I'm lazy. 2) Yes, aren't you? 3) Why wouldn't I be?
They sleep in your bed? 1) Yes, I love it, kids are so toasty and warm 2) Yes, I can't be bothered getting up when its cold, I'm lazy.
I like to look very puzzled when people ask me these questions and I like to ask the questions back at them so they are the ones explaining why they need to question me. Usually not much of a response though, stuff along the lines of 'oh well you dont see that often' (or some such crap). Then I usually say 'well you musnt know many people then! Everyone I know *insert issue here* does too....
i know, i really shouldn't be lying about it.
people are constantly asking me about breastfeeding ds now that i'm pg again, as though i'm hurting the unborn baby or something by breastfeeding him- or like it's weird to see a pg woman breastfeeding.
i like your suggestion lulu of children being toasty- my ds is so toasty and smells so fresh in the morning, i lovewaking up with him. much nicer than smelly old dp
Rainforest, you can lie about it if you're uncomfortable about the attention! There'll always be someone like me to take up the slack I've been hanging around booby feeders too long - I cannot understand any non-positive attitude to BFing whilst pg, or tandem feeding!
ahhhh, for me- we've just stopped telling people about our sleeping arrangement, as people think we're weirdos. currently ds and i sleep in our bed together, while dp sleeps in the spare room. this arrangement suits all of us. i'm happy, ds is happy and dp is happy. ds gets to breastfeed whenever he wants. i get to stay nice and warm and not have to get up and dp gets a full night's sleep everynight so he's fresh for work. it's not forever, but it works right now. i wish i could tell people what i really think when they turn up their nose at our situation. i wish i didn't have to justify myself......but instead i usually just lie about it.
might try the 'when your opinion matters, i'll let you know'....
Ahhhh yes ive had alot of this kinda thing lately......and my answer is...'I'll parent my way...you parent your own way...you do not live with us or see how we raise our kids so how dare you judge or comment'.
Unsolicited advice and criticism - what you want to say or have said
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