how did your DH feel about home birth when you first raised it?
He was born at home himself but his niece had been born in hossie so he was neither up nor down.

Did you try and convince him it was safe?
Because i felt i wanted his SUPPORT and not just a lack of objection, i did show him the studies on the comparison of safety and intervention and so on. TBH i didn't try to "convince" him it was safe because the plain facts are that homebirth IS safe and offers lower intevention and associated morbidity than hospital birth. Him not believing that wouldn't make it untrue, it would make him a fool. So i would say i showed him it was safe.

does your DH think it is a joint decision where you birth?
I'm not sure what XP thought actually. I don't think this though, so it didn't really matter from my POV. I believe that the person who has the most responsibility gets to have most say in the decision. XP couldn't have made me go into hospital. He cannot say episiotomy is an acceptable risk because it's not his genitalia that will be mutilated. He cannot say narcotics are an acceptable risk because it isn't his brain and body chemistry which will be affected. He cannot say forceps are an acceptable risk because it's not him they are going to stick them inside. He cannot say c-section is an acceptable risk because it is not his abdominal muscles which will be cut apart, nor necessarily his future fertility and health at risk. I do accept that a man stands to lose his child if the birth goes wrong, just as the woman does, but nature didn't give him any choice in where to grow that baby - it was gonna be in one woman or another. I basically told XP i wanted to birth at home and if he wanted a hospital birth he needed to work out a way that HE could do the pushing because i wasn't pushing anywhere near one. To me birthing is ultimately the woman's responsibility and thus the choices should be hers. Her partner's job is to support her. Before i had seen babies born i felt a baby was an equally shared gift and responsibility, but it isn't. When they are cutting a woman's vagina her husband doesn't feel a thing. When it comes time to push no one else pushes. A person cannot try to claim responsibility for something they cannot actually take responsibility for.

My DH is convinced that homebirth is risky to our future babe. He is also very very squishish (i.e. fainted after giving blood, wouldn't watch me give me my IVF injections, wouldn't even watch the Dr doing the tranfer yesterday).
He needs to do some research. Homebirth is safer than hospital birth if you take into account injury, and as safe if you only look at mortality. That's not the view of a homebirthing nut, it's evidence-based medical fact. Him being squeamish makes no odds, whether he faints on the labour ward or on your bathroom floor, the midwives will check briefly that he's breathing and step over him to do their jobs. Some kinds of squeamishness are tough to overcome but if he wants a baby he's going to have to. What will he do if his newborn is sick or injured? Faint? THat's not going to cut it. There is no get-out clause with parenting, you need to do what needs doing, however it makes you feel. Now would be an excellent time for him to face up to his squeamishness.

Any suggestions on how we can openly discussion our options????
I would recommend BOBB and some books (birth your way, kitzinger; spiritual midwifery, gaskin). BOBB might be better because it is a passive act to watch a film, whereas he'd need to have some level of interest to read a book.

At the moment I'm with "it's not safe". He was born premmie (well his mum chose to have him induced 2 weeks early as she was sick of being pregnant as she's had shingles and he was very very small and blue) and his most compelling argument, is that "if I had been born at home I would be dead"...
He would not have been born at home for at least 2 more weeks, probably more. No one would think to induce a woman in the home setting. If you go into labour prematurely the midwife will call you an ambulance. Point out to him that far more babies die in hospital due to prematurity than at home due to homebirthing. Previously unsuspected prematurity is a KNOWN risk of elective c-sections.

I have probably come over like a neo-nazi-birthing-feminist-harridan, and i probably am one. I have known several anti-homebirth fathers "won over" by the experience of seeing their babe born at home. I have only read stories of disappointment from women whose hearts told them to homebirth but they went with their partner's wishes and birthed in hospital. Basically wherever you decide to give birth you need to be as happy as possible with the decision going in, because one the babe is OUT the regrets will be yours and yours alone.

Bx