Candles burning Bimboo..... Huge hugs!
Mayaness.. I would ask your mum about it, i bet it would be one of the first times she has spoken of it. I am physically better, mental ok and emotionally messed up still (does that even make sense?) I am carrying on day to day as normal (LUcky life is hectic with three so this isnt hard) But i am still having to play games on m mobile til my eyes are hanging out, rather than lie in bed thinking about things. One of the hardest things which is so different from my MC is to think that this little bubba was perfect, just grew in the wrong spot. And i know that there is NOTHING i could have done but i still feel my body failed that baby. I also had genetic testing on the MC so i knew the sex, something i didnt do this time and i am really struggling with not knowing. I know i could make it up but i NEVER have any maternal feelings on sex when im pregnant so i really would be making it up. Its not like i want to name it, i just wish i knew. I am struggling with the thought of trying again, in that i mean that i hope i fall quickly. I did after my MC and it really helped, i hope i dont have a long wait ahead of me. My arms and heart feel emptyBut i also know how lucky i am for the three i have. When i say i feel empty its really like a thought in the back of my mind like i have forgotten something.....weird.
ANYWAY sorry i didnt mean to have a big D & M, just thinking of Bimboo is making it all seem sader today. I wish i could give her some strength and i wish no mother ever had to bury her baby!
My mum mentions it and kind of glosses over it - probably because at the time (70s) you were treated as if it was never really a pregnancy at all and I reckon a bit of her emotional issues (anger management etc) can be attributed to this time. She would have been told to get on with it because she had a healthy daughter (for the first one) then two healthy daughters (for the second one). She was so disempowered coming to this country - had she been pregnant back in her original country she would have been nurtured incredibly, and she would have had us at home with a doula from the village, the way my grandma did. 
I was at a wedding sitting next to a woman with a 4 month old who was in labour for 3 days and ended up with an epidural and forceps delivery. 
It will be interesting as it comes up with strangers I guess. I will be telling the people at my work placement this week that I'm pregnant and I'm sure they'll all faint when they hear I'm planning a home birth. The medicalised talk of birth that I've heard there already is amazing.
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