Homebirth General Discussion #12

[HomeStyleMumma]

Arimeh yay how exciting

Aimz super exciting, will your mw deliver at home from 36wks (assuming there's no clear medical reason not to) or 37wks?

Afm I STILL haven't called my mw to tell her it looks like we wont be having a hb this time! I feel really bad that I haven't I think its because I'm not really sure how to explain WHY we changed our mind. It's not as tho I feel a need or even a real want to birth in hospital I just have this 'feeling' its what I'm meant to do this time
Apart from that I'm feeling pretty relaxed, counting down now, for me I plan to be ready in 8wks at the most coz going on previous births its quite possible I only have around 9wks to go... Eep!!! Of course no way to know but I'd rather be prepared mentally and practically by then and know I can't possibly have much longer (3wks at most likely) to go and just take it one day at a time.

[Aimz]

I asked the MW today and she said she is comfortable to deliver at home from 36w but would just be keeping a much closer eye on things after baby is born (suck reflex etc).

I think instincts are so important - you need to go with your gut!

[Cassius2]

so so close now Aimz!! I am so excited for you!!!

[Cassius2]

blergh. just need a wee vent in here where I feel safe to vent such issues...

Soooo, went to our calmbirth get-together (where all of those who did the course get together with the chick who runs the course and we all catch up and admire babies and share our experiences...). it was really lovely and I was really looking forward to it! it's a rare moment where i get to share my experience and talk babies IYKWIM.

BUT i failed to take into account the 'homebirth' factor. we all spoke about where we had our babies etc. and then everyone started sharing their stories: who was on duty, the failiings of the system, the stitches, the trip to hospital etc etc. It was all really fun to listen and talk about their experiences etc. But not one person cared to ask about mine! (basically they all went around going: 'how was yours [experience]. but because they all knew i had a HB, whenever there was a clear opportunity to ask (as was the modus operandi) there were averted gazes and no welcoming in was sooo bummed. i didnt want to get on my high horse about it and push it on anyone so i didnt just jump in anyway and start talking about it. i wanted to be treated like the girl next to me and to be regarded as having had a valid birth journey too IYKWIM. just because it is a HB doesnt mean that it is not valid! there is still a (beautiful!) story to be told! i also had contractions, i also used my calmbirthing skills, i also still needed my DH there, and I still GAVE BIRTH. FFS.
I am not different to the girl beside me. i live in the same boring middle class suburb, i push the same middle class pram, drive the same middle class car, it's just that i gave birth at home! and yes, it was FANTASTIC, so there!

bah humbug. just wanted to talk about my experience too. BAH!

(I know that this could of gone in the punching bag section but just didnt feel like risking a backlash IYKWIM...feeling too sensitive right now as it is)

[Eenee]

Cassius I know what you mean. Ive had people like that and friends don't even ask or want to know or exclude you from a conversation, I've had it many a time when friends are talking about their birth experiences and mine just gets skipped. Not exactly sure why this happens...

[HomeStyleMumma]

Oh cassius (hug) yep I've had it to. I try not to take it personally and remind myself that it could be because of any number of reasons, unhappy with their own experience guilt even (and they may know or sense it hb was wonderful!) Just not wanting to know about something so 'out there', some people still actually think its illegal to birth at home in Australia! Honestly if it were me I would probably have butted in and raved on for a bit about how absolutely beautiful and calming it was to be able to birth at home with all that comes with it (and all that DOESN'T). Then made a casual remark about how I loved the experience of birth in hospital also but they don't always compare. You know you can always come here to talk anything hb/birth but yes I know its not the same as having someone IRL listen with interest and care about your experience. I hope you're able to brag to someone soon, maybe next calmbirth meet?

[PumpkinZulu]

When you talk about your amazing Homebirth, you're getting up on your high horse. You're lauding it over everyone else and acting superior. They don't want to hear you didn't need drugs when they had an epidural, didn't tear with your 10 pounder when they had an episiotomy with their 6lb baby, breastfed easily while their baby was fed formula when they were in recovery. These are all not necessarily the truths about Homebirth (really it's just like any other birth at hospital, just generally less complicated) but they're the assumption many non homebirthers carry.

[HomeStyleMumma]

But that's the thing pz, its really sad and disappointing that that is how many 'non-hb' mothers see it. And I wonder what they think of my first two births in hospital that appart from a few puffs of gas with ds1 were exactly the same as my hbs just in a hospital! And that includes the fact that I birthed a baby at 33wk 6d and have had all 4 with physiological 3rd stage. It would be REALLY nice if we women could just help inform & support each other before during and after birth no matter how or where it happens. Anyway now I will get off my soap box

[Jennifer13]

Cassius. That sucks. It is so wonderful to share your birth story and that should have been an environment where it was welcomed.

Can you believe someone at my Playgroup yesterday talked about how they were delaying TTC so the birth would coincide with the major renovations of the private hospital. No joke. So for those who think HBers are nuts...

Had a lovely time at my m/w's Blessingway on the weekend. It is so awesome to be a part of a community of Mums that includes the m/ws who are their when our babies are born. It feels natural.

Hope everyone is well! Busy with work and not around much atm.

[Cassius2]

When you talk about your amazing Homebirth, you're getting up on your high horse. You're lauding it over everyone else and acting superior. They don't want to hear you didn't need drugs when they had an epidural, didn't tear with your 10 pounder when they had an episiotomy with their 6lb baby, breastfed easily while their baby was fed formula when they were in recovery.

you hit it on the head there hahaha. I actually do think that others believe that women who HB are all self-obsessed (why risk the baby????!!!) weirdos that love pain (what? no pain relief????!!!!) and therefore are nothing like them. they dont understand that the absolute rush you get when you have a baby at home is just frikkin' EARTH MOVINGLY awesome. gosh, if they could bottle that feeling up and sell it....and TBH i just dont think you get that same kind of high in an out of home setting. you might get pretty darn close but the elements are not perfectly harmonised ITMS (and here i am talking about a HB that is done in a home that brings you peace and safety).

What blows my mind away is that they (others) just DONT get it. Of course I feel that my births were the most amazing births in the whole entire world. Of course i feel that there will never be another experience as amazing as that.

I feel happy for them that they had a great birth and loved it. but sheesh, just because you had a nice midwife and only got two stitches is not IMHO setting the bar high in terms of awesomeness. but i have to admit that i am now saying this from a place of frustration, simply because I havent been heard. it's childish, but there it is.

HSM: thanks babe you are so right. i just need an IRL group. thankfully my midwife group holds a get together once a month from now on so hopefully i can find a space there to feel free to chat and share with other HBers

Jenn: i am the same! i love being around my midwives! it brings me peace and happiness to see them and share our lives together and to have my girls grow up with them in their lives. very special.

[Cricket]

I think some people also think that homebirth stories are going to include bizarre details that they just don't want to hear. I've had that feeling before. I think some people feel like having a baby at home is like peeing in your living room. You just don't do that. It's gross and messy, etc...
And, there's probably some truth to the fact that they expect your story is going to "one-up" every one else's, and no one likes that either.
Oh well. There will hopefully be other chances to slip in a word or two about the benefits, safety, and joy of a homebirth.

[PumpkinZulu]

See I had a fairly good hospital birth as well. I didn't HB from my first baby, as much as I wanted to (my own crap, after experiencing the loving care of IM's I'd never go back to a hospital based program, no matter how seductive the allure of a Medicare covered birth is). It wasn't perfect the way DD2's birth was, DD1 had her cord clamped fairly quickly and was taken to be suctioned, but the actual birthing was pretty darn close to my HB. I think those women, the ones that just don't want to hear or acknowledge HB, are frightened of how they may feel about their own experiences. I know many women whose bar is very low in terms of their pregnancy and birth care, like you said Cassius. The fact that they narrowly avoided say, an episiotomy, and didn't have a crappy middy, that shouldn't be any woman's standard (unless of corse that's exactly the experience they want). I think, having a hospital birth and then having a HB, I can see that these women (and when I say these women, I don't mean every hospital birther, I mean the negative ones) simply don't know how good it can get. Ignorance is bliss, and when society tells you that you should just just up and be damn grateful you and your baby made it out alive and healthy, well, that's an incredibly low standard in a developed and privileged country IMO. No wonder so many women don't want to hear about empowered birth, especially at home, I can imagine for many it must trigger deep feelings of 'why didn't I deserve that' and 'what does she have that I don't?' And I think that that is that HB has outstanding continuity of care, intimate, respectful, evidence based and individual care. Which EVERYONE deserves, but few actually receive. I thought the care I had in my particular HB program with DD1 was great (not sure what other ones are like), but I really just didn't know how good it could get until DD2. What hospital will offer you a midwife who is on call for you 24/7 after you have your baby and are struggling with PND, to come and be with you and support you any the of the day or night? Having a HB was both life changing and completely and utterly average, it felt natural and normal because it is. I don't think I'm better than anyone because of the way I gave birth either time...often I feel as if I had better experienced than some people, but again, that's relative to each woman. At the end of the day, not every woman wants what we want. That's cool with me, I just don't think we should be shunned and ostracised because our standards, our beliefs and our desires for birth differ from the mainstream way of birthing.


Anyway, rant over LOL!

[Cassius2]

I think you made a really good point there PZ. My impression is (and was kind of my first birth experience at the hospital) was that: 'i go through it'. i not only survived the 'hardship' of labour but actually did it with strength and fortitude and it wasnt like the horror stories at all...and I could prove all the naysayers wrong. that for me, was success. I still hated birthing and found it the most awful thing a woman could go through and dont take the task lightly and doubted that i would ever have more children...but it wasnt as bad as the horror stories that people and media tell. So, Victory!!

I thought that I had reached the ultimate in birthing awesomeness and i seriously felt that 'those women' who had 'orgasmic' or 'empowered' births were 'putting it on' lol. i seriously really had no idea that you could have a birth that was ecstatic or even pain free (and this is not to say that every HB is pain free...i just think that it is more likely to happen in a home setting ITMS).

Anyway, feeling much better about it today. and thankful that i got to vent in here in safety...punching bag room was not my space lol.

I'll go back to my hippy smug place of HB with my head held high

[Arimeh]

The weird thing is Cassius I think people are freaked out not where you give birth - but if its a good one! People are more likely to want to hear the horror stories instead of a calm, peaceful birth for some reason. And because most homebirths are nice and peaceful - nobody wants to hear about it! I do though, so share all you like with me! haha!

I talked to Mary today from Know Your Midwife - I'm happy to go with her I think. I was going to set up a meeting with Natasha from sunshine coast midwifery as well, however, I don't think I will now, I'm pretty happy to go with Mary. She works with a bunch of midwives (if you google the KYM Buderim they have their own page) and there are two midwives that attend your birth, and each appointment I have with her will cost me about $6 after medicare - so it will cost me about $3,300 all up. I think I can raise that between now and October. She's not worried about us finding the cash anyway since she lets everyone pay it off.

Yippeee!! So excited!!

[HomeStyleMumma]

That's great arimeh, seems like things are all falling into place for you

Speaking of mw's I finally got around to calling my mw on wed arvo. It was a little awkward but it was only because I still have this nagging guilt or something. She was absolutely lovely about it and kept telling me she's sure I will have a beautiful birth anyway it won't matter where I am. I think she's right (i really hope so!) but its still kinda odd to think I will be going back to hospital when I'm not sick! I told her I might see her for #6 lol
I have an ob appt in one week and its 'the big one'-for those that haven't had ob care its usual to have a big payment around half way through pg ontop of usual fees- anyway its a little stressful because of course I wasn't planning on having to make this payment, if I was still having hb I wouldnt have to pay until baby bonus was processed if I didn't want to. Oh well my choice I spose can't complain.

[Arimeh]

HSM - that big OB payment is a big one huh! I remember it from my first two births - $2,000 is a lot of money straight up!

I'm glad your midwife was lovely about it

[Cassius2]

big hugs HSM i know that that wouldnt of been easy xx (are you still going to take her in with you??! i hope so! would be lovely!)

Arimeh!! YAY!!! (and i think you are right. the only HB stories people like to hear are about the horror ones that reinforce their own decisions to birth in hospital).

[Dot Face]

Hi everyone . Some of you may have seen my thread asking about caseload in this section, so you'll know I want to homebirth. I'm due around October 27, still far off, but wanted to get on the bandwagon early on.

Currently I am confused about whether I should do my home birth through an independent midwife or through the caseload program at Casey hospital.

Hope you're all well .