Your midwife will help with a lot of the debrief Amy. I'm so sorry, I didn't realise, I hope some of my FB comments didn't upset you

I'm going to PM you to chat about the pain thing, but basically, it was the same for me, more so this time for my homebirth than DD1's hospital birth for some reason. My labours were both 6 hours, DD1's waters broke after 2 hours, DD2's broke just before pushing. Both started with lovely light and easy contractions 7 minutes apart, and within 2 hours were as painful as they were going to get and 1-2 minutes apart, 90 seconds long. I do love giving birth and being in labour, but in all honesty I do find the pain unbelievably excruciating and almost unmanageable in how insanely big it was. With DD1, I did Calmbirth and didn't know what to expect. DD2 I wasn't scared once I was in labour, I just got on and did it. I definitely am not one of those women who smiled through contractions and looks like a goddess when they are in labour, or didn't feel any pain, that's for sure! But somehow, somehow we manage, and even go back for more.

Take time to process what happened, and use your midwife to debrief. It's okay to feel how you need to feel about what happened. DD1 was a hospital transfer with cord clamping, being suctioned after birth, lots of things that weren't necessary or welcome. But it was the birth that made me a mother, and despite the few bad things, it's something I cherish and am proud of and did ultimately enjoy now. Mainly, it's something I am so glad I experienced. I would have loved to have had DD2's birth first time around, but like many women in here, my first birth taught me a lot in preparation for my second. I am a more empathetic doula now because of it.

You did an amazing job. You have birth to a child! There's nothing more amazing than that. You did that And despite what you went through, you're boobing your little guy like a rockstar. I think you rock...if you couldn't tell already