Homebirth General Discussion #13

**PumpkinZulu** · March 23rd, 2013, 11:05 PM

Your midwife will help with a lot of the debrief Amy. I'm so sorry, I didn't realise, I hope some of my FB comments didn't upset you

I'm going to PM you to chat about the pain thing, but basically, it was the same for me, more so this time for my homebirth than DD1's hospital birth for some reason. My labours were both 6 hours, DD1's waters broke after 2 hours, DD2's broke just before pushing. Both started with lovely light and easy contractions 7 minutes apart, and within 2 hours were as painful as they were going to get and 1-2 minutes apart, 90 seconds long. I do love giving birth and being in labour, but in all honesty I do find the pain unbelievably excruciating and almost unmanageable in how insanely big it was. With DD1, I did Calmbirth and didn't know what to expect. DD2 I wasn't scared once I was in labour, I just got on and did it. I definitely am not one of those women who smiled through contractions and looks like a goddess when they are in labour, or didn't feel any pain, that's for sure! But somehow, somehow we manage, and even go back for more.

Take time to process what happened, and use your midwife to debrief. It's okay to feel how you need to feel about what happened. DD1 was a hospital transfer with cord clamping, being suctioned after birth, lots of things that weren't necessary or welcome. But it was the birth that made me a mother, and despite the few bad things, it's something I cherish and am proud of and did ultimately enjoy now. Mainly, it's something I am so glad I experienced. I would have loved to have had DD2's birth first time around, but like many women in here, my first birth taught me a lot in preparation for my second. I am a more empathetic doula now because of it.

You did an amazing job. You have birth to a child! There's nothing more amazing than that. You did that

And despite what you went through, you're boobing your little guy like a rockstar. I think you rock...if you couldn't tell already

**PumpkinZulu** · March 23rd, 2013, 11:08 PM

Oh, also, I had DD1 at 3.30am and checked out the same day, also against medical advice. The OB was pressuring me to have a blood transfusion which I refused. Being at home with my midwives visiting was the best possible place for me to be, so I feel you there. I'm sure you and your birth support team are on it already, but keep an eye on your iron and make sure you keep it up

**Beatrix** · March 23rd, 2013, 11:28 PM

Aimz- congrats again on the birth of your little man. Sorry you don't get the home birth you dreamt of but you still did amazing job of bringing him into this world!!! And you should be proud of that!! Hope debriefing with your midwife helps.

Well my little sister birthed her bubba today!! Unfort she ended up by eying the birth she wanted as well, with it resulting in a c sect but after 8hrs of no progress (she had been in labour for 18hrs at that point and made it to 8cm but bub had jammed her bladder into birth canal so wasn't descending) they opted for c sect as she was extremely exhausted and managed to not even have epi til she got to theatre so still very proud of her!!

It's now past midnight so our babies won't share the same birthday and I allowed to uncross my legs apparently!! Lol

**Aimz** · March 23rd, 2013, 11:40 PM

My midwife has been honestly unreal. Allowing me to talk about the most difficult parts and offering up perspective and comforting words. I have seen her everyday and I'm not sure how I will possibly thank her for everything she's done for me.

PZ - THANK YOU. Thank you for sharing. It's so comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I guess when I always thought home birth I thought of zen and calm and my experience was loud, with guttural screaming, and fear the whole way through. There is a lot I would do to prepare next time, and my midwife put it perfectly - instead of looking forward to the birth, look forward to the baby at the end and prepare as best as I can for the birth. I had this romanticized idea about what my birth would be like. Next time ill go in differently, but knowing that feeling of the baby at the end now will be what gets me through.

B - what a brilliant effort by your sister, but so sad it ending in c section. I hope her recovery is short and sweet. How beautiful to have all these babies at once in your family!

**Sunny Love** · March 23rd, 2013, 11:53 PM

Your MW does sound pretty awesome Aimz!
The other girls have given some very sound advice, debriefing and getting it out is important for you.
xx

**PumpkinZulu** · March 24th, 2013, 12:19 AM

Our mindsets pre- and during labour sound the same. I also romanticised it. Although I am not a loud birther generally, my recollection is of me screaming the entire time...it was just that I was doing it in my head lol! I think it's important that women are honest about their experiences of childbirth...I absolutely adore it, but it soul destroyingly painful for me. I like to think of it as a challenge with a whole lot of rewards; hormone highs are probably the best high you'll get in your life (haha), and the feeling of pride at the end, and just the physical feeling of bub sliding out...all amazing. I just wanted to reassure you that your feelings about the pain and how you didn't feel prepared for that are totally normal

**Cricket** · March 24th, 2013, 01:16 AM

Aimz - congrats on your little one! Your midwife sounds wonderful.

Hope the rest of your postpartum recovery is smooth and uneventful. My favourite part of homebirth is being in my own bath, shower and bed afterwards, spending time with DH in our own living room, calling the family and having them come see us, keeping my baby with me at all times, etc. It's too bad you missed those parts, since you had to go in to the hospital then.

Birth can be really different to the observer compared with the one going through it! I was just talking about this with some mums on another forum. They talked about how others perceived their labour as peaceful, while they felt like they were going through a hurricane on the inside. With a few of my babies, my midwives have talked about what a lovely, peaceful easy birth it was, and while I know it went well, in my mind, it was horrible, painful, stormy, and anything but peaceful! But that doesn't always show on the outside. And the women who appear completely calm and peaceful and smiling through labour are VERY rare! Most of us end up yelling and feeling overwhelmed at one point or another! I think the first time is the worst for sure. I could not believe how painful labour was with my first, and how difficult! (and I had an "easy" first birth! only 7 hours and no tearing.) My second baby was much better, and you can see it hasn't stopped me from having more....

Being at home doesn't take away the pain, but it still is a nicer experience all around, IMO.

Beatrix - congrats on your new niece/nephew? Hope your sister is able to recover well, and that your little one puts in an appearance soon. Don't overdo it on the housework! I find in the last few weeks, I get super-obsessive about keeping everything clean and neat ALL THE TIME, because I could have "company" (the midwives

) any time. It's exhausting! Don't be like me!

On a slightly different topic - how do you think women should talk about labour? I feel like we tend to either romanticize it, which can lead to disappointment and a feeling of failure, or we tend to emphasize how hard it is, and scare other women who haven't gone through it. What, do you think, is a good balance of truthfulness with encouragement? A cousin of mine was expecting her first, and had heard some horror stories from friends and was feeling afraid of labour, and I tried to encourage her and tell her that it was hard, but she could do it, she was made for it, etc. When her little one was actually born though, I think she felt like I had lied to her about how hard it truly was!

**ladybirdflies** · March 24th, 2013, 07:04 AM

Good Morning Everyone,

Big congratulations to you Aimz on the birth of your baby boy. Sounds like you are being well supported by your midwife post birth, it is not unusual for you to need to talk it over and over with someone. I have been to many births now and first time mums often give themselves a hard time about how they experienced the pain, getting the perspective of the people who watched you, often in awe can help you see the entire picture. Take Care.

Cricket, that is a great reflection, in the world there are horror stories and totally blissful births and somewhere in between lives the truth. I honestly love giving birth, it still hurts like no tomorrow but I love the mountain I am asked to climb and that feeling of overcoming something you feel like is so much bigger then you are. My hardest time is afterbirth when my afterbirth pains kick in, they are shocking as I have such fast labours. So people hear I had a baby in 50 minutes and are not so interested in how intense it is after birth for me. In birth we are asked to overcome so much in our thoughts and feelings and that can really play a huge part in how the pain is experienced. It can be difficult when you speak to a woman who is about to birth her first baby and she is really romancing how the birth will be, I always wonder how much to say or not to say, as it is their journey to birth and I don't want to interupt the process if you know what I mean.

All good here, bubs is nearly 31 weeks, time is still dragging along. Looking forward to easter and then school holidays to fill in some time!!!! Baby is growing very well, certainly my biggest bump ever which is making some tasks difficult. Loving the baby movements and taking the time to be with this growing little one.

**Arimeh** · March 24th, 2013, 07:57 AM

Big hugs aimz - we've talked on Facebook about this so I wont go into it here cos I'll just bore you - but you know I get you xxx

**Jennifer13** · March 24th, 2013, 06:51 PM

Congrats, Aimz, you should be incredibly proud of yourself for birthing your little man. I am sorry you had to transfer afterwards (although it's still going to be pretty cool to get his birth certificate with your home address as place of birth

!). It sounds like you can have complete confidence in your m/w though and that you have had the best possible care. I hope the opportunity to debrief allows you to process your feelings.

Birth is a very intense experience.

Cricket, I think honesty is the best way to tell your birth story, good and bad bits. Unfortunately, with so many medicalised births there's not a lot of positives mentioned. I think every woman is different - some will find birth extremely painful, some not so much. But you are right about the hard work! I don't think anyone escapes that. Time must be a factor too. My hard work of labour wasn't very long and I'd had a day of resting, so I was in the best possible place to use my energy. It made it a lot easier to cope.

It's also not a point of comparison, either between women or between births, I imagine. I think the best possible preparation focuses on individual care and as much positivity as you can, but I doubt any midwife attends a birth with the expectation it will happen a certain way. I pass on my story knowing it is unique to me and that birth. Other mothers may find similarities, or not. You just put it into the mix.

I did stay away from horror stories, mostly because there was nothing in common with our plans or my midwife's model of care ITMS.

**Cassius2** · March 24th, 2013, 07:15 PM

OH Aimz

What a journey is taken when we become mothers! That must of been so tough going through that massive labour and then having to transfer and have surgery...I second PZ on the iron stuff. If you eat meat, bone broth is super fantastic for restoring the blood and getting good iron in your system. After my PPH I ate lots and lots of leafy greens and took spatones liquid iron to help boost my blood supply back up (i also saw a naturopath for some herbal tonics...).

I truly believe that the awesomeness of HB is not only for the support in birth itself but also for that really intense and special bond and support with your IM. I am so relieved to hear that you have this with your midwife, use her as much as you want and can. i cannot recommend debriefing highly enough, it is so cathartic talking about it and working through it (the same could be said even for births that women felt went how they imagined/wanted).

Beatrix: after my threatened preterm labour this last time, i found the wait from the magic 36 week mark to when i had her (39w) to be excruciatingly long lol! all my babies have been before or on their EDD...i couldnt imagine going over

i would go bonkers lol.

Cricket: I feel that it is just important to be able to talk about birth. we shouldnt feel the need to edit or change it up to suit expectations ITMS. I have had quite different experiences every time: first birth was traumatic and took alot of processing (had a PTSD), my second birth (HB) was one of those ecstatic, pain-free (yes, really!) simply joyous births, and my third birth (also HB) was really straightforward, simple, challenging and yet, still empowering (but didnt have that ecstatic high during the birth that i experienced the second time). All births are just so so different (even with the same woman birthing!) and each journey is so worthy of discussion with open honesty. That said, i have been guilty of taming down my version of DD2s birth simply because, yeah, i think people dont believe me or think that i might be showing off. i find it interesting though, that the only birth that i feel i need to curb in, is the positive one. people are less willing to listen to those and take them for what they are: someone's birth experience (as opposed to someone just talking themselves up).

**e_p** · March 27th, 2013, 08:16 PM

wow I haven't been in here for ages...must have gotten lost when we went to a new thread.

Congrats to ReeRee and birth blessings to the March & April Mummas that are waiting.

Aimz - Congratulations for birthing your beautiful baby! I'm sorry it wasn't as you had expected and am so glad you have your midwife to support you in debriefing and moving forward. How you feel about your birth might change a million times over the coming days/weeks/months/years...please try to remember that however you feel is ok and true for you. I just read MidwifeThinking's latest blog entry and thought of you - if you feel like reading it head to the website 'midwife thinking'
Wishing you a speedy recovery and a beautiful babymoon x

AFM: we moved out of the home C was born in 2 months ago and there were so many tears! I was talking to my SIL (who is pretty freaked out by the idea of homebirth) about the move a few days before and started crying about leaving our memories behind. She sent me a beautiful card and told me she hoped I'd have lots more babies in our new home. Gosh it was so nice to be finally feel validated by someone in our family.

She just had a baby of her own through a private hospital and it was pretty confronting for me to visit her in her hotel room post-discharge and see how differently they did it...baby wrapped up in a plastic tub in the corner (after spending most of his first night in the nursery) and mum in full makeup, hair done etc. Each to their own of course, my SIL is lovely and nurturing and a great mum already - it was just so far from my skin-to-skin week post birth I was kind of shocked and I guess a little sad too.

**Eenee** · March 27th, 2013, 08:45 PM

Aimz: congrats, hope you are able to work through your birth ok

Bleeding has slowed down to spotting now, and have got a bit of morning sickness. Aversion to nearly everything food! And nipples are sensitive when BF especially when feeding DD she gets cut short most feeds as I start counting and she stops and yells no no no. Poor thing!

Eutra: we will be doing the same in a few months once our house is built, not sure how I'm feeling about it at the moment hopefully we are in it before this Bub is born!

**Cassius2** · March 27th, 2013, 09:23 PM

ohhh that is still a big thing for me...not sure how i will cope if/when we have to move out of here

**Arimeh** · March 27th, 2013, 09:27 PM

I have a question for everyone - how did you pick what room to set up your birthing space?

**Eenee** · March 27th, 2013, 09:31 PM

Arimeh: each time I had a space set up I always ended up moving into the bathroom with the bright heat lamps and totally opposite to my space lol

**TeniBear** · March 27th, 2013, 09:37 PM

I have a question for everyone - how did you pick what room to set up your birthing space?

I now I haven't done it yet, but I'm already fairly certain my space will be in the corner of the lounge room (literally the only corner of the room

) because there's a big window for me to look out of and connect with outdoors as well as inside. We'll have to move the bookshelves around though, "my" spot's currently taken up by a hundred DVDs or so...

I've thought about setting up in the bedroom, but I feel like I'll want natural light and there's not much in there. If I do end up in there, it'll be because of the easy access to the shower and toilet in the ensuite. I doubt that'll happen though.

When we were looking houses to rent, I was specifically looking for good spots I would want to birth in

The house we're in now was pretty much perfect, although my original thought was to set up in the area now taken up by my sewing machine and Amelia's toys

**HotI** · March 27th, 2013, 09:38 PM

Babies Arrived

- 2012 -
Jennifer13- Baby GIRL born at home 4th January 2012
Bella29- Baby GIRL born at home 10th January
HotI - Baby BOY born at home 21st January
*Ash*- Baby BOY born at home 14th February
loulabelle - Baby BOY born at home 24th February
Cricket - Baby GIRL born at home 15th May
chocorama - May
...Em - Baby BOY born at home 7th June
BellyBelly - Baby GIRL born 11th August
Tanya - Baby BOY born at home 16th August
phynna - Baby GIRL born at home 8th September
lady_neon - Baby BOY born 27th September
Ambersky - Baby BOY born at home 3rd October
Cassius - Baby GIRL born at home 4th November
Ice cream - September
mirriumu - November
Pumpkinzulu - Baby GIRL born at home 12th December

- 2013 -
Sara - Baby BOY born 18th January 2013
turtlejane - Baby GIRL born at home 31st January 2013
Bellany - Baby BOYS born 14th March 2013
Ree*Ree - Baby BOY born 18th March 2013
Aimz - Baby BOY born at home 20th March 2013

Babies On Their Way

Shells79 - March
Beatrix - April
Rubyshoes - April
HomeStyleMumma - May
Dollyroux - June
ladybirdflies - June
sepata - September
WilliamsMummy - September
Arimeh - September
Cricket - September
Loulabelle - September
Dot Face - October
Eenee - November
Sunnylove - November