Homebirth General Discussion #4

[Tegam]

As I healed from the birth I started going to BAC(birth after C/S) group which my sister runs in Townsville. I had a lot to process. There were so many things along the way that if they had of been different could have changed the whole birth. So lots of regrets. I spent many hours in the middle of the night processing what had happened instead of sleeping. I felt very betrayed by my colleagues and husband, even my sister despite her trying to support my choices because she had been unaccountable "nice and quiet" thru the birth and I had never know her to be like that EVER... And I held a massive amount of regret that I didn't know better than to trust the hospital. I had known about intervention. I had just thought that somehow I could get them to do what I wanted. I hadn't really understood the profound vulnerability of a labouring woman. I am a woman who desperately protects her vulnerabilities. I hate feeling weak. I learnt to show the world a mask at a young age and didn't let people near me, because I found hurt just so overwhelming. During labour and birth I thought I would be protected and instead felt so intensely vulnerable afterwards it was hard to breathe thinking about it. I realised that most of the people I had had around me couldn't protect me because fundamentally they didn't think there was anything wrong with what happened.

I can hardly breath from reading this...i have struggled for months since Mollys birth to express how i felt......crying too hard to reply sorry bbl

[Bella29]

Awww tegam, sorry mate. I didn't mean to trigger your distress. I hope you have someone with you to hold and support you.

Xxx Bella

[Jennifer13]

Bella and all of you other Mums who have similar birth stories. It is YOUR stories that have given me the courage (and warning) to reject a hospital birth for my VBAC. Not to mention the hospital's poor record.

I didn't have a traumatic c/s/birth because my c/s was 'elective' due to the placenta being right beside the cervix. But I hear your stories and they provide the inspiration I need to make my birth the best it can be by my decision.

I finally found at least one m/w yesterday who is available, although she has another lady due 2 Jan and is 45 mins away from me. This is a hassle sine I would go to her for my initial visits. The other m/w that will be on hols rang me suggested they would have someone closer possibly, but I'll have to check back in a week or so. Fx I'm getting closer to finding someone!

I also rang my ob's office as I promised DP, JIC the early scans show an issue, but I'm absolutely sure after talking with the receptionist that the HB is the right option! She moved my EDD forward a day to 31 Dec so I would fit in. Doesn't sound like much, but going by O my EDD is probably 3 Jan. She also talked about a repeat c/s at 38 wks which I will not have even if I need one (DD was at 39 wks and I would insist on 40 if it's necessary). Eeek! So I'm wondering if even just the couple of visits I'll be having are really a good idea at all. The thing is, my appt is at 13 wks so I wonder if I could get the 12 wk scan done thru my GP and go to her for the results. I might check. As long as it's good I can just cancel the ob.

[Bella29]

Jen I already have the referral for a 12week scan in my hot little hand. And it is the monographer who writes the report about what they see so you don't get a better interpretation if you go to an OB. Did you say your placenta was over your cervix or just next to it?

[Cassius2]

Jen, IMHO i would avoid the OB office all together. you can get the referral for scans through your GP and the sonographer office will do the report. I just dont believe that the OB office will have your best interests at heart (even if they are totally awesomely nice and believe that they do ITMS). I have sent out some feelers down here to see if they know anyone in your area...

[Jennifer13]

Thanks Cassius and Bella. I'm seeing my GP the week after next so I'll get her to do the u/s referral. If we can find a good m/w that DP meshes with as well and the u/s shows no concerns I think I can probably sway DP.

Bella - it wasn't over the cervix but about 1cm away and didn't shift at all during the third tri. Gave me no trouble during my pg and I would not have known but for the scans. My tummy didn't grow that much and DD was only small, which probably contributed to not 'moving' the placenta further away. Hopefully this pg is more cooperative - it has been so far!

[Bella29]

Sorry for the multiple posts, I just wanted to say thanks to Cas and Hoti for their empathy and offers of support. I really appreciate it.

[Bella29]

Tegam, you ok mate? Been worried about you today.... hope you r alright.

[Bella29]

Everyone is very quiet in here..... Heeeeelllllloooooooo?

[onthefly]

I had a lot to process. There were so many things along the way that if they had of been different could have changed the whole birth. So lots of regrets. I spent many hours in the middle of the night processing what had happened instead of sleeping. I felt very betrayed by my colleagues and husband, even my sister despite her trying to support my choices because she had been unaccountable "nice and quiet" thru the birth and I had never know her to be like that EVER... And I held a massive amount of regret that I didn't know better than to trust the hospital. I had known about intervention. I had just thought that somehow I could get them to do what I wanted. I hadn't really understood the profound vulnerability of a labouring woman. I am a woman who desperately protects her vulnerabilities. I hate feeling weak. I learnt to show the world a mask at a young age and didn't let people near me, because I found hurt just so overwhelming. During labour and birth I thought I would be protected and instead felt so intensely vulnerable afterwards it was hard to breathe thinking about it.

Wow Bella, that's how I felt after DS' birth too! I guess one big difference was that DH felt the same (if not more so) - if only we'd talked more before the birth.
I hope you have a wonderful experience this time


I'm sorry you're hurting so much Tegam

Good luck with the midwives Jen

[Liz]

Heya I haven't really been keeping up with this thread. But my time is approaching! I'm having acupuncture to help keep this bub in til June so I can have it at home I'm having a scan next week to have a squiz at my cervix.. Make sure there's no changes. It's looking like I might need some help to turn bub as well.. Sitting quite comfortably breech atm.

I'm reluctant to start preparing too much for the homebirth just in case I do go too early. Would be gutted to be all set up and not use it Don't have a lot to do really tho I spose. Need to get tap fittings and new piece of hose and some drop sheets. Need to dig up some old baby blankets and we already have a gazillion old towels and terry nappies. Other things I need to think about are snacks and drinks for myself and I want to get the kids some new craft stuff or colouring or something to keep them occupied if it goes on for a bit! Heh.

Kids are very excited tho. DS has assigned jobs.. he says dd's job is to look between bubs legs to see if it's a boy or a girl.. and he is going to help cut the cord DD just can't wait to hug the baby

[Bella29]

MadB - it has really tested our marriage. I think my husband felt like he knew one woman before the birth and then on the other side he had a stranger in the bed, who talked about how birth mattered and how it wasn't just about how the baby was when it was born but also how the mother was. Not that he thought differently to me really before the birth. I was pretty pragmatic and like most mums would have had that c/s without anaesthesia if that was what it took to save my baby. But my c/s was done for failure to progress, or failure to wait and no other reason. The good thing about DH and I is that we do talk. A lot. There has been many a tear stained midnight talk where we often both left feeling even more distant. But by keeping on talking about where we were at, we have slowly drawn back closer together. When I got pregnant in Feb this year and started to plan, my hubby just asked me what I wanted from him. It goes to show how much he loves me because he doesn't have the naivety of so many other men. Many women I know just tell their husbands what they are doing and it happens. Anyway.... I have no doubt it will be fantastic!

XX Bella

[Bella29]

Congrats Liz... how exciting!!

[onthefly]

That's great Bella!
You know, although DD's birth did not go according to plan and it was far from the 'normal' experience I'd hoped for, it doesn't keep me up at night. Not a bit. It's a lovely feeling of 'okness' in comparison to the obsessive rehashing that followed DS's birth.

[Bella29]

I think I know what you mean madB. I mean none of us really can guarantee what will happen in a birth. I think that is why how we are treated makes such a difference. I know many women who whilst dissapointed after a birth didn't suffer the agonies you and I did after our first borns, just because they had the support and respect they needed. Anyway I am gonna start really planning this birth soon. My biggest decision is going to be who to have as my main birth partner.....

[Eenee]

I can hardly breath from reading this...i have struggled for months since Mollys birth to express how i felt......crying too hard to reply sorry bbl

Oh Hun you know you can call me any time! Not sure how much help I'll be but I'll listen. And yeah I'm am still pregnant in my avvy oops how do I get a new one? I could just save it for next time.

Bella: hope you can find someone to be your main birth partner that can be your strength and that can fight for what you want when your not able to.

Liz: how exciting!!

(replying on my iPod and it's so hard!!!)

[~Stoked~]

Hello ladies! Welcome to the newbies!

I just read through my birth notes from DS. Oh my goodness, I got so emotional! Home birth is such an amazing, wonderful experience and I've just reminded myself of that! I'm really starting to look forward to the birth of this baby now. My only sadness is that I'm unable to have the same midwife again. My new midwife is great, and we get along like a house on fire, but I'm just sad it's not going to be the same.
I'm on fortnightly appointments now which really makes it feel like it's actually going to happen.. And SOON! I keep having mini panic attacks, wondering how I'll cope with 2 under 2!

Hope you are all well! I'm sorry for no persies but I'm on my phone and my memory is stuffed!

x

[Cassius2]

oh gosh stoked....time is certainly flying for you now!! i'm a bit like you, i love reading my HB notes: it gives me the warm fuzzies!

Liz: i am excited for your kids too! what a cool experience for them. DD1 loved it and loves watching the montage over and over lol!