Very long!
DD: I had my first child at the day after I turned 20. I had no family here and no friends, and I didn't know much about children to be honest. While I was pregnant, I read everything I could get my hands on, and realised early on I wanted to breastfeed. When DD was born, I put her to my breast, and felt an incredible surge of love for her as she latched on. She was very adept, my little girl, and despite the pain of the wear and tear on my nipples, I persisted because it felt right. I bought cabbage leaves on the advice of the midwife who came to visit me at home, and when baby was asleep, I left her with her dad and went to sit in our car in the driveway with my boobs out, allowing them some fresh hair and soothing sunlight. Breastfeeding hurt a lot to start with, I didn't expect that, but not having anyone around to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing made me think it was just something I had to bear, like childbirth, and I was sure it would get better. And it did. I BFed my daughter successfully for 9 months, and when she self-weaned onto a sippy cup, I cried for days.
DS1: DS1 was born 19 months after DD and I assumed BFing him come naturally too. He was born with a kidney defect so avoiding formula seemed vitally important to me. Again my breasts took a beating, but I kept persisting. He gained weight (apparently) very slowly though, and I was breastfeeding often, sometimes every hour, but my MCH was never happy with his weight. At 5 months, I introduced DS1 to solids (as was done in those days) and this was when my MCN suggested I move him onto formula. I agreed because I thought he was underweight (she made out like he was) and that since he was taking solids anyway, he might as well move to formula. She told me I'd done well to persist for as long as I did, but my milk was obviously not sustaining him. So I put him on formula and DS1 proceeded to gain weight and become chubby, just as she said he would. In hindsight, though, knowing what I know now, he was getting enough from me, he was just a BFed baby, and a BFed babies are not going to put on the kind of weight FFed babies do. I look at his baby charts now and he was consistently in the 25th percentile for his age - perfectly normal for a BFed baby!
DS2: After having experienced both FF and BF I was this time determined not to FF - it was such a hassle and so expensive too! The bottles and the formula and the fiddling around in the middle of the night to make up a bottle when I used to just whack bub on the boob - I swore with DS2 I was going to do whatever it took to BF.
Back when co-sleeping was not 'the done thing' I moved DS2 into our bed, and had him sleep between me and his dad. I BFed him on demand all through the night, and all through the day, and we quickly established a great BFing relationship. He BFed until he was 18 months old, when my mum and aunts came to visit, and basically were shocked I was still BFing. I was harassed into weaning, and unarmed against the onslaught, I caved and weaned my son cold-turkey, with my mum and aunt watching me like a hawk so I wouldn't relent. They believed my co-sleeping and BFing was 'lazy' and that I was spoiling my son by choosing those methods. I mourned the end of my breastfeeding relationship but believed I was being a bad parent at the time.
When DH and I started TTC in 2004, I'd found BB and realised that the things I used to do with my older kids were gentle, instinctive parenting methods, only I didn't know it. I found support for the way I had chosen to raise my children, a place where BFing was not looked at with disdain, and where my inclinations as a mother were encouraged, not derided. I'd found validation for my parenting style, and I knew that armed with information and support, I could BFed if I was lucky enough to fall pregnant again.
DS3-Charlie: when Charlie arrived, I felt confident in my ability to breastfeed. So I was very shocked when he didn't attach well and within short order, my nipples were cracked and bleeding. The pain was excruciating, and I started to realise how easy I'd had things with my three older kids. This time I was plagued by cracks and blisters on my nipples, and mastitis felt like my constant companion. I cried in agony every time Charlie attached, and had I not known how fulfilling a breastfeeding relationship could be, I might have given up. But each time I wondered if I could go on, I'd remember how it was between me and my older kids, and I just couldn't give it up. My DH begged me to move to a bottle, he would watch me crying in pain whenever our baby attached and could not understand why I would do that to myself. But I kept at it, my idea of how it could be kept me focussed, and despite 4 bouts of mastitis over the course of that first year, I exclusively BFed my beautiful, much awaited son, Charlie, for 6 months, and continued to BF him until he was 11.5 months. I weaned him at the advice of my fertility specialist when we were thinking of going back to IVF, but I regret that decision and have done pretty much since we made it.
But in the end, I BFed all my children, and in my eyes, that makes me a BFing success story. I actually consider Charlie's BFing journey my biggest success, because it was so much more difficult than the others, and I overcame so much to establish it. But it was very much worth it.
DS2's BFing journey was the easiest, and that was because I trusted my instincts, allowed it to all happen organically, and that was the best thing for us in the end. After BFing 4 children, for a total of 42 months, I only now feel I've learnt some leassons about trusting my body, my instincts and having faith that I could do it even if it's hard, even if it's painful, even if everyone is telling me I just couldn't do it. I also realise how difficult society makes it for a mother to find the support she needs to keep BFing, and how easy they make it for her to stop. I know if I'd been a new mother when I had Charlie, I would likely have given up - help and support to keep going should be readily available, but it's not, and as a new mum you feel so alone. So I hope with my story it helps someone out there having trouble know you're not alone, that you can be that BFing success story, and there are those of us here who will always be willing to help if you need it.
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