Sorry ladies, I've come in here to vent.
I posted here a few months ago re weaning DS so we could TTC #2
I needed assistance to concieve DS using OI/IUI and went back to treatment in Nov 07. I was still doing some BFing unknown to clinic.
My response to all the meds was a bit hairwire this time around - who knows if it was the small amount of continued BFing or just my body being stupid as always.
Last time I was in here, I had kind of decided maybe I should wean completely but when it came to the crunch, I just couldn't do it. So over the next copule of mths, I just slowly reduced the amount more and more (to around once every other day) whilst still continuing fertility treatment.
Perhaps I was naive but I had the silly idea that once I fell pg, I would just up the BFing again.
Well, last sunday morning, I tried to BF and DS(now 15mths) flat out refused, to the point of full on pushing me away, which he had never done before. It was the day before AF should have been due so I did a HPT and got the BFP I had been longing for, for so long. DS obviously new more than I ! It has since all been confirmed with BTs.
Of course, I am over the moon to be pg again especially as it was not a simple task for us but I can't help feeling a bit deflated about the loss of BFing DS.
I have tried a few times since and he won't come near my BBs. Last night, he was a touch unwell and woke often, very upset. My back up had always been to comfort with BBs but last night, the first time ever, he still wouldn't even look at them!
Had to resort to a bottle in the end which kills me a bit, especially as even pg,I now seem to have reasonable milk supply.
I know it sounds like a whinge and I can't believe I am, as I have been so desperate to get pg again. Had this cycle not worked, we probably would have been pushed to move to full IVF and I had already decided to fully wean, if that was the case given the higher dose of drugs etc.
Just seems ironic that i made such an effort to keep the Bfing going and did prove to myself i could get pg as well,only to have DS force the end now. I guess its Karma or something!
I am grateful, however, that I did not go the sudden wean method. It happened so slowly, that DS barely noticed. I do know, I should also respect the "infant-led weaning" moto.
So, in the end, I am very happy and grateful for the gift of pregnancy (praying this little one sticks!). Just think it may take me awhile to come to terms with what I have lost. Bfing is just so short lived really isn't it?
Anyone have any tips on how they dealt with bubs self weaning?
Again, so sorry to whinge, i just can't help the feeling. It almost like grieving.