How much are your 2+ year olds breastfeeding

[Matryoshka]

I'm just trying to gage whats common at this age...., after really trying to cut him down his BFs (as was feeding constantly) and get him back on food (which he is) he is now feeding about 8 times a day. I really really try to limit him to when he wakes up, nap time and bed time - but he always manages to sneak in a few more - mostly for comfort, or because i know he hasn't drank anything else and i worry about him not drinking and also a middle of the night feed - which im keen to drop but don't have the energy to at the moment.

Ideally i'd like to get down to just 3 BFs a day, but refusing him causes a huge tantrum and its hard to deal with because then my baby screams the house down out of fear too. I am in two minds about trying to get him to cut down - my instinct tells me he still needs the boob for comfort, he's such a sensitive boy and i don't want to damage him by taking it away (i hate to think he'd be in therapy in many years saying my mum weaned me and i wasn't ready...) but then he's also very stubborn and i think its just habit.

I've been hanging out for when the baby starts solids thinking the toddler will want more food less bfs. I hope thats the case.

So anyway how much are your 2+ year olds bf?

[Snowy Love]

I won't be much help as my lad only has a feed to sleep at night, occasionally during the night if he wakes and sometimes during the day before his sleep or if he hurts himself. So really I'm just bumping the thread. However, they're all different and I think you're doing a great job responding to his need for comfort.

[Tobily]

My DS is two, he is having 2-3 a day. Early in the morning, and bedtime are constant, sometimes he will also have one before his afternoon nap.

He's finally sleeping through the night consistently now but that's only started since his birthday. Before that he was also having a feed overnight.

Distraction works pretty well with DS now, but I know not all toddlers are put off so easily!

[mum3girls]

My DD is 2 years 4 months (on the 30th) and she usually has a feed in the morning (when I'm trying to avoid getting up ), sometimes has a feed to sleep during the day. Then sometimes at night time if she wakes up. We've spent a lot of time cutting down that far, and the last couple of days she's been asking a lot.

Just follow your instincts. Only you and your son know what's best for you both, and I'm sure you won't traumatise him by cutting down his feeds.

[Matryoshka]

Hmmm i guess its just his personality and that need for comfort... though when i offer a hug instead he pushes me away, i think because he's annoyed i won't give him a BF. My instinct says keep going, be gentle - but logically i can't keep this up, its been 5 months now feeding both of them and apart from being exhausted it isn't helping with my pnd either, i really need a bit of personal space. Its hard i guess.

[*Efjay*]

Isla only has the one a day & not even every day. If I don't feel up to having her on I say no.

She was sick over the last few days & while I was worried about passing on the bug she had to Iain I still let her feed & then washed my boob before going to Iain (she had a gastro bug, vomiting etc).
When she has had a BF but asks for more (she has one before bed if she is going to get it) I say no but get her to hold my hand. Which she is quite happy to do.

If you think he is doing it mostly for comfort then maybe try offering something else. Also distraction. I know its tiring but when your ready maybe when he askes time & time again during the day ( yes I do think that 8 feeds a day plus an overnight feed is excessive but not saying you shouldn't just that I wouldn't) maybe you could say not right now, lets go hang the washing, check the washing or check the mail. Just somehting to distract him for the moment & get him to help you with something. I would say he is feeling the need to make sure he is still your bubba. Try to encourag ehim to be Mummy's big boy & get him to feel special helping you with special big boy jobs.

[bronners]

Mumma B, my son was very similar at 2. Fed every 2-3 hours (and a few at night). He has always been a sensitive child, wanted to be close to Mum, lots of cuddles and comforting. Just over 2 and a half we were able to painlessly night wean (no milky until the sun comes up). I became pregnant in July and since then DS has dropped feeds dramatically. It quickly went down to 3 a day and now it is just one side to go to sleep at night and the other side in the morning when he wakes up.
I do feel this is a due to his age, development etc as well as the pregnancy.

The tantrum phase does pass - I remember it vividly! When they get closer to 2 and a half and their communication and comprehension is a bit better I found it much easier to "reason" with DS, offer other foods, distractions.

[Smoke Jaguar]

DS will often feed frequently throughout the day, depending on what kind of day he's having. It is not unusual to have most days of the week where he'll have about 4-6 feeds during the day, not including morning and night feeds.
I figure that DS is listening to his own instincts about what he needs (be it 'for comfort', nutrition or both), and that the 'habit' is actually just him knowing what works to regulate his appetite or emotional state.
DS rarely has tantrums and when he does have one, he quickly asks for 'Babu' and it's his reset button. The 'habit' stimulates his relaxation responses and he knows it - if he's worked up, one of us soon figures out what he needs and tantrum is averted. I can honestly say we have not had a severe meltdown because Babu is a given for DS. I couldn't care less what anyone else says about 'creating a rod for my back' because one day DS will develop the emotional maturity to find other ways to self-regulate, and by keeping Babu access simple, instead of creating restrictions about it, he is emotionally secure.
It is definitely still my parenting tool at this stage, till he's ready to move on. And when he needs it more during the day, I find it's when I really need more time-out from the daily grind (when I have noticed myself getting worked up about amount of housework, lack of study time, undone errands etc), so it really works both ways.
I don't have PND and I imagine that the other pressures of running a household really impact on your sense of being needed so physically. It's possible that spending a few moments reframing your breastfeeding time with your son to see it as your time out, and time to prioritise emotional security over chores could really help you to view his BFing frequency with more acceptance of and patience for both of your needs

[Matryoshka]

Your first 4 lines have summed my DS1 up completely, and you explained it better than i could. Its hard because logically i know this is what he needs and in my heart i want to let him self wean.... but within myself i am so over it.

If i JUST had him, i could handle this, 6-8 feeds no problem, but when you factor in a baby who has 10-12 feeds, i am literally going from one to the other, i imagine this is what its like to have twins.

Plus add on the PND and i just feel so "taken" from.

I also have no one to compare my DS1 to, i don't know anyone else breastfeeding let alone a toddler who is over 2.5 years now. So i'm glad i read your post, its reassuring, it gives me a little more drive. At the moment i literally just keep going one more day, but to be honest i really wish he'd self wean, he obviously isn't ready, even though i am.

Also his is Booboo's, funny they have a similar name!

[Smoke Jaguar]

I completely understand you feeling all touched out and that you're 'putting out' constantly...then again, I can't completely understand because I've just got the one 'sucker', so even in my imaginings I feel tired for you!
It's amazing what we do, when you get to the end of a day and think about the mammoth job you've just done and have been doing all this time...and that somewhere, you know you have the strength to do it again another day and a few more after that, too!
In my 'luxury' of having only one child to tend to, I can only say that I espouse 'living each day at a time', because each day comes to an end, and each day has a new beginning. One day at a time and before you know it, things will be manageable and you'll be proud of how much you've achieved within that time.
It's a hell of an input you're making, such an investment in your family. If you weaned tomorrow, make sure there's someone around in 15 year's time to remind your DS's how you loved them so much that you fed them till you just couldn't any more without compromising your wellbeing or, alternatively, till you let them decide when they were ready. Either scenario depicts a wonderful mothering effort

[Gigi]

i am bf-ing my two year old. i think of it as "feeding by request".

i'm sure it's very different when you are tandem feeding, i think you might get more responses if you altered the heading to TANDEM feeding, that's what your issue seems to be about to me.

you are fine with bf-ing, but it's the quantity, feeding two so frequently, that is wearing you down, seems to me (as an outsider).

i am also of the mind to let my DD self wean. Sometimes i wish it would happen sooner, other times i feel very content about where we are with this.

We feed - i really have to stop and think - cos i never count -

good night feed around 8pm
wake up in night feed around 1am
wake up early morning feed around 7am
morning feed around 10am
afternoon feed

and if she falls over, or is in pain, we use bf to help with that too.

she copes being in childcare, obviously not getting BF, but i feed her on dropoff and pickup. we are the slowest people to do dropoff and pickup! she screams if i don't feed her then. really panicked. i might stop her after 30 mins and she's not happy about it.

i agree with Maya, just when i think, "oh no, i haven't got time to bf you, we should be getting in the car right now" - the act of bf-ing her, FORCES me to calm down, destress etc.

but i'm not doing this with two kids, so i reall don't know what to tell you.

i really think you need support from tandem feeding mums.

i can empathise, but haven't had your experience, to really udnerestand.

i'm struggling with PND too (only reason bilbs is in CC), so i sympathise with that bit geniunely.

[lindyloo]

Dear MummaB

My situation and feelings are almost identical to yours, struggling with pnd and tandem feeding a May 06 son and Sept 08 daughter. It's good when they hold hands feeding together hey! Bad when I'm an all-night 'dummy substitute'(!) for the eldest, sandwiched tight between two small snuggled sleepers. Hoping I don't have to force wean. Best wishes and empathy.