Assuming it's an accident

[Kazmar]

Now i think about it the other day my dad said 2 me that the reason y im here with a bubs and my sister is travelling the world is coz he read 2 her when she was young, and he said thats where he went WRONGE with me, he didn't read enough 2 me.
And he was saying it in a really nice way which made me furious. Another thing that ****es me off is ppl auto think that coz ur young if it wasn't a mistake then we just did it 4 the baby bonus. Im not sure wat world there living in but it costs alot more then $4000.00 2 raise a chils and only a fool would have a child 4 the baby bonus, i dont know about u guys but im know fool and refuse 2 justify my reasons 2 have a child with anyone.
And cant understand y ppl cant say congrats 2 me like they would a 25 or so yr old would whos married instead of saying "So y did u keep IT?'' Thats wat my EX dentist asked me.

[Kitt3n]

I bet that dentist has lost your family business for life!! Bubs teeth will be better looked after elsewhere!!

[Kazmar]

its must have effected me pretty bad if i still think about it, the worst thing is she didn't relise how rude and stupid that comment was i wonder if she'd ask a older maried woman that? I highly doubt it. Im already a very unsure of myself woman so that made it worse. But really being pg was the best time in my life i think it made me stronger.

[Early Kids]

Oh yeah i so got PG for the baby bonus, cos i only earnt 30-35 grand a year. IDIOTS! I'm sick of that comment. i mean as if. Youngins are a lot smarter that what we are given credit for.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Someone said that to a friend of mine - she's preg at 18 - and she just said to them 'Of COURSE I got pregnant for the bonus - I mean, how much more could a baby cost?!'

Some people are a waste of DNA!

[mummycate]

It is hurtful that people assume this. I would tell friends of family or friends of friends I have a daughter, and they're incredulous! Its almost horrifying. I mean, they'll talk to me happily and then their tone changes and they want to talk to someone else or leave my side. It almost hurts. I'm trying to make new friends and one day find a new man, and I can't deny my daughter but I feel that they won't like me because of her. She is my world. But sometimes I feel that I'm destined to be alone.

[Mellybubz]

My sister is a midwife and she suggested waiting 16 weeks before I told anyone because then you definately know you're safe. My brother was a bit cut that I left it that long to tell him... his wife said next time you call us and tell us straight away... my sister was like yup next time call them straight after you have sex.

[Early Kids]

Big Hugs Cate, There are plenty of people who love children. And if you find a man he is going to love YOU for you. It may take some time, but it will be worth the wait!

Take Care

[Kazmar]

mummycate: i dont know if anyone else feels like thins but at the moment i could 1000's of ppl that love and care 4 me around me and still feel alone. We're only young and at the age where we're trying 2 find ourseleves and what we stand so on and so forth but its made just that little bit harder now we have a bubs. Ur never alone anyway just look at this thread c how many ladies r in the same posi. :-)

[richelle_84_2004]

I"m a bit of a late comer to this thread, but I'm 23 and got all the same comments as the rest of you. I had only been with my now husband for 11 months or so when we got pregnant, I thought I would have a hard time having kids, and he thought he was soon going to be too old for kids so we didn't bother trying to protect ourselves. So I guess in a way Kailee was planned, but when we found out we were preg it was a lovely surprise as we hadn't really expected it so easily. But then just a few weeks after announcing our pregnancy we announced we were getting married, oh boy did the tongues start wagging then! "Don't you think its too soon" "don't throw your life away, you already ruined it by getting preg" (that person no longer exists in my book) and such things. And then no sooner has bubby arrived, people ask when the next one is. Erm, hello... can I recover from this one first! What if I don't want more bubs!
All in all, people just truly do not think before they speak, curiousity gets the better of them and logic goes out the window. Not that the explanation makes it any less hurtful!!!

[ss_storm]

Have only just joined this forum, but I have to say some of you ladies have such inspirational stories. My fiance and I are seriously considering starting a family in the near future, I'm 20 in April, he'll be 22 in September, and one of the things that really holds me back is that in my mind "i'm too young" and I know exactly what my parents will say, as well as being afraid of what my friends and work are going to say... My parents have never been that supportive of us being together, living together, getting engaged...my mum has accepted it now, but I know that they will both think I am ruining my life and throwing it away, once again destroying the shreds of our relationship!

So it was comforting to read your stories, and am looking forward to having a little scoot around the forum, hopefully it will help me be a little more confident that we are making the right decision!

[shorty]

I am ruining my life and throwing it away

This statment has always got to me.

I dont see how we can be throwing our lives away when we are happily watching and guiding our children to grow into the best they can be. I feel its the greatest accomplishment ever!

[richelle_84_2004]

SS i think the biggest thing I learnt was to ignore all of their jabber and hurtful comments, sometimes people are just jealous and other times they just have this inbuilt fear of seeing other people happy. Just concentrate on your relationship and happiness and nothing will matter to you. Now my girl is nearly 1 I can say with complete happiness that she has brought more joy to my life than I could ever have imagined, she certainly didn't ruin any aspect. She probably improved it if anything!!!

[Daydream Believer]

Yes we did get the "Was it planned?' answer "You bet your a$$ it was!"
and
"Im sorry" answer "For what? Us doing what we wanted to do?"

I quickly lost all patience for people who started asking those questions and told them exactly what I thought. And for most people it was quite a shock because I have never stood up to people until I was pg.

[kirsty_lee]

I fell pregnant on the pill so mine was definately an "oops" but in my opinion a baby is a blessing no matter how it was conceived accident or planned. There are so many women out there ttc and failing in it which is so sad.. or women who fall pregnant and lose their angel babies. Don't let anyone make you feel like your a bad person cause you didnt plan on having a child. I dont see my daughter to be as an accident at all.. she was conceived.. thats it

[Footsteps]

i havent got children yet but what anoys me is you cant win..if youv got children you are ruining your life (which is sssoooo not true) id love to be mother but im going to need ivf or iv been told im going to need a hystorectomy at some point... medical probs. and if you dont have kids its always "when you going to have 1".
as i say no matter what your age...whether youv got children or not you are going to get ppl with thoughtless comments.
love rach xxx
p.s sorry to babble on xxx

[~Serenity~]

Hey all I'm new to this I'm 23 and me and my husband have 3 wonderful kids and ttc now so I know how you feel except my mum expected it at any age from 15 so when I was 18 and told her she was relieved

[Glamourcide]

"Don't you think its too soon" "don't throw your life away, you already ruined it by getting preg" (that person no longer exists in my book) and such things.

Don't worry, I copped the exact same stuff from just about everyone... DH and I had only been together a month, and had just moved into our first apartment together (6 days) when DD was conceived (ON PURPOSE, I MIGHT ADD, yes call us crazy but we just knew it was going to work)... everyone was like, "Oh.. umm.. are you keeping it?' when we told them we were having a baby, my nana basically told me I was going to end up a single mum on welfare (because, I mean who would want to stay with me, right?), our friends were all sitting around taking bets on exactly how long we'd last...
Then when we decided to get married and we told my mum, she was like, 'Are you sure you want to make that kind of commitment?' Like, because having a baby together is a total walk in the park, you know... I figure we're already having a baby together, you can't get much more committed than that and even if we did break up later on, it would be no more difficult to get a divorce than it would be to just walk away from each other - there are kids involved now, it's a whole different ball game. So, we got married and eventually everybody came round, they were really apprehensive at first and just waiting for us to hit the skids but here we are, married nearly two years and expecting another baby and as happy as we've ever been... proved everybody wrong as hell and every day it just gets rubbed in their faces when they see how great we are together!

My fiance and I are seriously considering starting a family in the near future, I'm 20 in April, he'll be 22 in September, and one of the things that really holds me back is that in my mind "i'm too young" and I know exactly what my parents will say, as well as being afraid of what my friends and work are going to say...

Hun, don't you dare think for a minute that you'll ever be losing out by starting a family with the man you love. Having kids will change your life, and your life as a wife and mum will certainly be different to the life you've led up till now, but that doesn't mean you're 'throwing' anything away - you will be gaining a completely new and exciting life and I think you'd be hard-up to find anybody who would disagree! 'Too young' is completely irrelevant - I know 16-year-old mums who do a better job than some 30-year-olds I know, it's all about YOU and your state of mind and maturity.
I think today's society is far too wrapped up in selfishness and wanting everything for yourself, and not thinking about the long-term. DH and I always wanted to have our families young because things like career, travel and social life can wait! Holidaying iin Fiji, getting promotions and buying a house are things that will still be there when the kids are older, you only have one life so live it the way you want and don't let anybody tell you what you 'should' be doing with it! I personally wanted to have kids before I started out on my 'career', so that I could be at home with them while they were babies and then go and get a job when they started school, rather than only taking six months off and worrying constantly that somebody else would get my job while I was gone. I'm a totally different person to the girl I was before I had DD, but I haven't missed out on anything and I wouldn't change what I have now for anything.
Like I said, DH and I had only been dating for a month when DD was conceived, and we didn't care what our families and friends said because nobody except us knew the way we felt about each other and so we were the only two people who could say whether we were jumping into things too fast, or doing the right thing. Everybody said, 'Oh but what if it doesn't last?' but they don't think about the people they know who are together for ten years, then finally are 'ready' to get married, and end up divorced before their second wedding anniversary! Why waste time? If we don't work out, we don't work out, life goes on and we will always have those good memories and our flesh-and-blood reminders of the love we had for each other. And if things work out and we grow old and die together in a retirement home, then in everyone's face!!
I think parents will always be upset when you start your own family because it makes them realise that you're not their little baby anymore, you're a grown woman and you're going to make your own decisions... if they have done their job as parents right, they have nothing to worry about because you know what is right for you.