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Thread: Assuming it's an accident

  1. #91

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    OMG IM IN THE SAME POSITION! my mother assumes that this pregnancy was an "oops" baby and i havent denied or aggreed either. she has no idea we have seen specialists and been trying for years! as she has no support for my fiance and I. She does the whole your too young thing although we both are professionals own cars and about to buy a house. it really ANNOYS ME!!! my mum was 21 and living at home when she had me so whats the difference! apparently that little thing called MARRIAGE pfft hers didnt last! all i can say is they can all get &%$^# dont they realise the optimum time to get pregnant is 19-25 what do they know! anyway i wish u a happy pregnancy! mine is stressful!!!


  2. #92

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    I wouldnt say that I am young...but I am not old either IYKWIM but I was shocked at how many people thought it was their business to know if it was planned or an accident!

    How rude! I am not talking family or close family here, I am talking random friends, work colleagues, strangers.

    I think it is the height of rudeness to ask someone that question and I was so offended when they asked me. What is important is that you are having a baby, you are happy and they should be supportive of your happiness and be excited that a new baby is being brought into the world.

  3. #93

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    I hate the question - "Congratulations or Commiserations..." - When you are tentative about such news in the first place you expect support not blatant rudeness.

  4. #94

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    Im about to be put in the same situation. Im 19 and I work at club with lots of nosy old people-I'm talking 50 and above.
    They think it is sooo their business to pry into our lives. We just had one girl who was pregnant have her baby and even she was told "gosh your young". She was 23 and married. Now we have another woman pregnant she is 30 and this is her 2nd. People congratulate her and she is also married.
    I'm not married or even engaged, however I have been with DP for almost 5 years, but they dont know that nor do they need to.
    I KNOW they are going to say things, either to my face or behind it. And its not like I can hide away. My job includes talking on a microphone infront of all of them, they are most likely to make me feel like a fool.
    I already know what they are like having seen all of their behaviours. These much older ladies make it a daily chore to whinge and whine about EVERYTHING. Most are now finding out the other girl is pregnant, while Im only 15 weeks and hardly showing.
    I am actually going to be afraid to go to work!!! Because I know whats install for me once my belly pops.
    On top of that my close friends are not so close anymore. Ive got one friend who is absolutely over the moon which Im so grateful for, and not one of our family members have said anything negative.

    People and their opinions suck!!! But Ill show them, Im going to try and be the best mother I can be for MY child

    Sorry, I just realised how long this post was!!!

  5. #95

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    I have to say that most people I have told so far haven't reacted the way I thought they would! They've been supportive and even excited for us which is great. My parents were probably the worst, and to soften the blow I kind of hinted that it was a bit of an "accident" and that I was still taking the pill when I fell (which I wasn't, but I think their reaction would have been a whole lot worse had I said we were just 'seeing what happened' and I had just stopped taking it).
    I think the hardest part for me is actually telling people...only my close colleagues and my supervisor at work know, I don't have many close friends anymore but they all know through facebook/community grapevine or various other ways.

    Hope it gets easier for you RhiaMaree, try and ignore whatever comments they do decide to make, and tell the old biddies to go jump!!

  6. #96

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    oh you poor thing rhia! i used to work aged care and man you get some really ungrateful ones, but, you do come across some great oldies! look, whether your bub was planned or not whether you are married or not is none of their business! i still get ppl judging me and im almost 22 and engaged, and everyone knows our bub has been planned, dont forget they come from an era where women our age were encouraged to give up their babies and ridiculed for not being wed so they are still stuck in that mindset. well some of them. they are prob jealous anyway! just think of it like that!

  7. #97

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    I can certainly empathise with this thread.

    It annoys me when people think of my children as "mistakes". One so called friend found himself on the receiving end of an abrupt exit when he called DS2 "Baby Booboo". DH and I were not trying, but were not doing anything to prevent a baby either, knowing full well she was an obvious result of our actions.

    The one that ****ed me off the most was the Doctor when I went to confirm my 4th pregnancy.

    "What, Again???"

    What I have found, the best way to approach telling people so they KNOW exactly what to say when you have broken the news is you phrase it something like this. "I have some wonderful news. DH and I are expecting a(nother) baby".

    They have absolutely NO doubt about how you feel about it then. If they still come out with the petty "Oh, I'm sorry" - the simplest and easiest reply is "Why? I'm not"

  8. #98

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    Everyone assumed my DD was an accident...DF and I have always stood by the fact she WAS planned- just a premature plan...

  9. #99

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    DP and I ran into an ex of his one day and he told her I was pregnant. You know what she said? "Oh my God! Is it yours?"

  10. #100

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    Linnea, HOW rude! gees...

  11. #101

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    I guess that's why she's an ex!

  12. #102

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    i am getting this more and more at the moment! I am not particually young (24) but my and DP havent been together that long. Which i guess makes people wrongly assume that bubs was an accident. We told some "close friends" of ours not long ago - and you know what she said?? "so are we all supposed to be happy about this" !!?!?!?!?!? Are you kidding me?? We are having a baby! Of course you are supposed to be happy, and how dare you ask that! Now I am hearing people say that they think i "trapped" DP by getting pregnant! If only they knew! I just want to SCREAM!

    OUR BABY WAS PLANNED - SO MUCH SO THAT WE HAD FERTILITY TREATMENT TO GET PREGNANT - AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?? IT WAS DP'S IDEA! SO THERE!!

    Sorry... I just had to get that out!!! i even had the guy at the take away show that i go to - say " i was so sorry for you when i found out.. was it too late?" GRRRRRRR

    People make me sooooo angry!!

  13. #103

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    I get it alot being that a) Im only 23 and b) I have 3 under 2.5yo so they MUST have been unplanned because who in their right mind would WANT three under 3 I often remind people that really, Im married......I hardly think the idea of us wanting a family is THAT out there is it

    And Im certainly not in my right mind but thats a whole other issue hehe

    Ignore them. I think some people just HAVE to rain on someone's parade.........

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