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Thread: Assuming it's an accident

  1. #37

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    I met my now DH and 4 months later I found out I was pg and I was 6 weeks along so I had fallen pg just over 2 months of being together, his family hated me for it, his mum never said a thing about it never acknowleged it and for a gift she chucked a couple of things from woolies in a plastic shopping bag and said here ya go thats our pressie to you, hmmmm I always felt very misplaced with them and to some extent I still do, I mean I have now been with DH for over 7 years and when we told her about having another baby she just said nothing she was not happy about it and cant see why we would want to, when we lost that baby she just said ' well it was not meant to be then was it perhaps its a sign to leave it there' OMG I could have litteraly jumped down her throat, we are now having a baby and everything is going well and now I just rub it in her face by talking openly about it and showing her how happy we are after all isnt that what its all about.



    Peiter may have been an oops but we knew the risks and were nervous but happy about our pg and he was by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, and he was meant to be, I had been carless in other relationships but never once fell pg so how could it have not been meant to be, even if we had not planned it for that time someone else had plans for us.

    good luck to you hun, be happy and show them your happiness regardless of your age or how long you have been together etc... none of that matters now I went through my pg with Peiter feeling worried about what others thought and I think that caused me immense morning sickness due to the stress and its just not worth it, this child is meant to be yours regardless of the circumstances.

  2. #38

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    Default jess

    i had my first at 17 i was pregnant at 16 every one thought it was an accident but it was planed i didnt tell them that im now 20 an have 3 kids every one just looks at me like im stupied an dont no how to use contraceptives well i do an all 3 were planed

  3. #39

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    Hi... I seemed to have this problem too when I fell pregnant. Sudddenly I lost most of my friends because I couldn't do the things they wanted... But I found that there were a couple that hung around, I don't see them much now but I talk to them occasionally... I also found that as soon as my son was born, I found a whole new group of friends that were absolutely great, I have no idea where I would be without them... Try hooking up with other young mums in your area, there should be groups or something... If you tell me where you live, I can try and find some information for you about them...
    And as for your so called friends that aren't being so nice. Tell them to mind their own business... It may seem hard but it is better in the long run for you and bubs not to have to deal with fake people. True friends will stick around no matter what...

  4. #40
    mummycate Guest

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    i'm a young mum too (21 this year). i did get some stares at shopping centres as my partner is studying so i go out places just me and dd. but if anyone did get nosy and asked me i would have told them that yeah, i was doing a traineeship but if we didn't want to have kids yet we actually would have prevented it. i'm not stupid. it was sooner than i'd have liked but never did i call her an accident. i mean before the 70s at least, most mums were 25 or younger. its only the rise in career women (and those that just work coz they have to) that have made us look irresponsible. i reckon we're the smarter. we used our youth to have healthy babies, rather than waiting till we can "afford" it and end up using those savings on ivf etc. plus there's heaps of time to work. and to those who think she's an accident i say, well at least i'm young enough to chase after her and she'll be out of home before i'm a pensioner. to us, the young mums, bugger u nosy biddies.

  5. #41
    CatherineL Guest

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    I think it is up to individuals when it is time for them to have a baby.. I don't think age always matters! What i do think that matters is being able to provide for the child.. Every child deserves to be brought into a world that can provide financially as well as emotionally.

  6. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lulu2 View Post
    I saw a family on the weekend with 6 kids - I noticed them because the mother yelled out loudly - yes there are 6 and we still haven't finished!
    LOL - we just tell people "what can we say, we're breeders!"

  7. #43

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    I know this is a forum for younger couples but if it's any consolation, people constantly think/ask whether my baby is planned. I'm 38 and my partner is 44! But we've only been together for a couple of years so I guess they think it's been pretty quick! What they don't know is that this is our second pregnancy and that I actually got pregnant when we'd only been together for two months. Now that would have really freaked them out!

    So try not to take silly comments to heart. It's no-one else's business.

  8. #44

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    Hi.
    Our first was a big accident LOL we totally can pin point when it happened and know how naughty we were about it because it was a very memorable night. HAHA Don't take me the wrong way it wasn't a crazy night, just the circumstances.

    Anyway, the difference to me is that even thought the pregnancy wasn't PLANNED the baby was. We had the option to abort or adopt out but we PLANNED to have this baby and care for him. He is our Prince and we now have our 'PLANNED' Princess with us too.
    She happened straight away when trying.

    LIFE itself never goes to plan so it's great having surprises along the way I think.
    Most people are jealous rather than judging because they don't have what you do, either youth or real love or a strong spirit.

  9. #45

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    That is terrible that you get these opinions, it is no one elses business. What I find interesting is that 20-30 years ago it was common to be married at 20 and bubs soon after. Why should it matter to others when you and your partner decide to have bubs. Princess confused I would ask your MIL how old she was when she was married/pregnant.

  10. #46
    Enchanted Guest

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    It is frustrating isn't it?!? When I told my family that I was pg they all freaked out and thought I was too young and had so much more to do in life etc etc (don't get me wrong they were happy after it sunk in but their initial reaction made me feel crappy). They realised that even if I was 40 they would still think I was too young... I have always been the 'baby' of the family.

    When we told everyone... they all said "So, it was an accident wasn't it?". It was an accident but we were planning on starting a family but not for another 6 months as we were getting married. We were over the moon when we found out that I was pg and have never looked back.

    Why are people so nosy, inconsiderate and well sometimes just plain rude!!

  11. #47

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    whenever I get that question I just say that my baby was a nice surprise .

  12. #48

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    Whilst my baby, wasn't planned, i still don't think it's fair to assume it's an accident.
    I hate having to say over and over again, yes i was on the pill, no i've not had a problem in the two years beforehand. I can't believe the amount of people got on their high horse to tell me that i was stupid for not using more than one contraceptive method.
    Or the so-called friends, that if i say i'm too tired to go out to a movie, or i'm not feeling well, or that i'm moody and mopey etc, they can get up and say, well it's your fault, you chose to keep the baby, or suddenly shun me because they can't for one second be understanding or supportive enough of the fact that i'm having a baby, and my life's going to change!
    I think the most... amusing? part of it all, is that my best friends would turn around and go omg are you ok, oh no what are you going to do, shock horror, right our friendships over because we can't party anymore, and yet, in the sh*tscared state we were of telling out parents, they gave us the biggest congratulations!

    Mumzy, you make a good point, i think i shall use this excuse to anyone and everyone from now on. I made a choice, to have the baby, accident or not accident, i'm still having the baby. DF has a good job, we've applied for a loan for a house, it's now very planned. Thank you for giving me a new perspective on how to introduce my life to people!

    ETA - To AmyM, she's sound like a total b*tch! I know the grandparents of our families are like that, because they were the same when their kids had kids. They adore them now, but i think they find it uneasy because our parents have been so accepting, but when it was their children it was like they had been defiant little beasts!
    I'm thankful, that my parents, and the P-IL were the most accepting people we announced our news to. DF and i have only been together 7 months and would have been 3 months when i fell PG, and his parents live in NSW and we're in VIc, so i was yet to meet them. I was terrified of telling them before we went to visit, but as i had a fairly distended abdomen, extreme nausea and aversions to everything under the sun, it even looked obvious, (we found out at six, decided to keep it at seven), so we told them the week before we left and they were still welcoming with open arms.
    Last edited by The[cookie]Doctor; September 24th, 2007 at 10:49 AM. Reason: ETA

  13. #49

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    Hey all,

    It's been a while since I last wrote in this thread but I have been reading your comments!! Thanks to all for the words of advice and support. Now that I'm getting close to having Ryan the questions are now "are you excited?" "are you nervous?" and by people who don't know me "is this your first baby?". Seems with impending bubs it doesn't matter now if he was an accident or not. I still get asked occassionally but I just say "no he wasn't an accident" and get either "its lovely to see a young mum" or "how old are you??". I told my nan that I was sick of people thinking it was an accident and told her what happened, I think it's slowly seeped through the family grape vine on the quiet but now no one seems to care as much they just want to meet him.

    A lot of friends have come back offering baby clothes, and pretending they were supportive and so happy for me the whole way through. I'm not saying anything because I really can't be bothered putting negative energy and time into holding grudges. I just know at the end of the day who to put my time and effort into keeping in contact with and the rest I'm not going out of my way for.

    I got some 4D photos done, even my dad who told me I had ruined my life and wanted me to miscarry has now turned to mush and is all excited about having a grandson. We bought a house we're doing up slowly bit by bit, we are rid of Dad2be's psycho ex, and all the bills are in credit. We've achieved more in the short time together than anyone else in my family has and have had some emotional up's and down's and some catfights from stress and adjusting but everything is going really well now.

    It still annoys me, I felt so helpless and upset through the start of pregnancy, part of me really resents the lack of support but part of me is glad I got through the ups and downs on my own in a way, don't feel I owe anyone and that I am stronger than I thought I could be, if that makes sense...

    To all those that have been through the same thing, all I can really say is the advice about once you're holding your bubs you won't care is true, I'm not even holding Ryan yet but seeing his chubby cheeks in the ultrasound and knowing he'll soon be in my arms is really enough to make you say bleep the lot of them and their comments. Dad2be and I have made a fat and healthy little bub and none of their comments can change that

  14. #50

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    I can definately agree that peoples opinions do change.. I had some people who said to me that if they were me they'd be having an abortion and then as I got more pregnant they were getting excited and when i had the baby they said oh job well done... but those people I dont really bother talking to anymore because i just think they're not true friends. As for the people who u know who werent interested because u couldnt go out and party and saying it's your fault... they just need to grow up... they sound really immature and im sure that when u do have your baby and start getting out to mums groups and play groups and all those sorts of fun things you'll make a whole new bunch of friends and just forget those other people... because as I said they just need to grow up... good on you both for choosing to bring a precious little life into the world.. I hope you enjoy every minute of it... it can be hard but it's worth it!.

  15. #51

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    See the weird thing was that I barely saw them anyway. I never went out to party unless it was a nice dinner party (I hate the loud music, get trashed and stumbled to bed and not move for 3 days sort of parties) so I'm not sure what some people's issues were lol.

    One thing that seems to have come out is that no one thought I'd be a mum. I wanted kids but they all saw me as the quiet studious one that they all thought would do well in studies and have a career because I never spoke about children to them because it was none of their business. None of them can believe I wanted my first by 23, 2 by 25 and 3 by 28 and no more after 30 lol. I want kids first while i study and career later, I feel that's what works FOR ME. I think it's also that most of the people in my schooling circle to have kids, have been party animals and have had kids from one night stands and just want to live off Government payments while they party, theres a mentality that kids seem to be "only by mistake". Most are still studying, don't work, don't have stable relationships and still live at home or in share accomodation to afford a sydney party lifestyle. We have a (now) more stable relationship, bought a house, I'm half way through a uni degree and have a baby on the way any hour/day/week now...

    As I said before it's upsetting that I didn't get the support at the start when I really needed it but better late than never!

  16. #52

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    Ours was planned but not for at least another 12 months and he/she is an unexpected, but welcomed surprise!! DS was also a surprise, but I wouldn't have it any other way as I have the most darling little man.

    You're quite well within your rights to voice how you feel that a person's comments are unwelcome and inappropriate. That would shut them up. My BIL once asked me if my acrylic nails were "fake" in front of a group of people and I said, "yes X, they are FAKE...". That shut him up.

  17. #53

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    I get this as well. I went to a medical centre for some blood tests when pregnant with #2, and the dr gave me information on abortion and when I said no he said did I want to organise a dna test to see who the father is!! SO not only did he imply it was an accident, he implied that I didnt know who the father was - so therefore was sleeping around! Grr

  18. #54

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    That is so rude!. did you change dr's after that?

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