Grr! GET A JOB!

[Calluna]

's hun. Hijack away lol. Depression can be debilitating. I had/ have fairly bad depression but still managed to get jobs and keep them for reasonable lengths of time. Can you help him out- ask him what he's interested in/ what he'd like to do, then maybe look up a job or 2 together. Then all he has to do is apply. For me (I say for me because everyone's experience is different and I dont want to assume anything), having the motivation and the energy to do it was the hardest part and I just needed a gentle but firm push in the right direction.

The other thing would be to get him to see a doctor and they can assess him and get him the help he needs. Wallowing around at home is not going to make things any better, for me, it makes it a hundred times worse. (I need to take my own advice re the doctor but keep putting it off

[retrogal]

's hun. Hijack away lol. Depression can be debilitating. I had/ have fairly bad depression but still managed to get jobs and keep them for reasonable lengths of time. Can you help him out- ask him what he's interested in/ what he'd like to do, then maybe look up a job or 2 together. Then all he has to do is apply. For me (I say for me because everyone's experience is different and I dont want to assume anything), having the motivation and the energy to do it was the hardest part and I just needed a gentle but firm push in the right direction.

The other thing would be to get him to see a doctor and they can assess him and get him the help he needs. Wallowing around at home is not going to make things any better, for me, it makes it a hundred times worse. (I need to take my own advice re the doctor but keep putting it off

He wants to work in cleaning re: like resturants (sp?) cleaning the hoods and that.. As his family do that.. but he doesnt udnerstand he cant just start from the top.. I dont know if he 'would' go to the doctor.. I just asked if he has been diagnosed by a doctor and he hasnt.. only by the centrelink people. I dont get it i really dont. If he was really depressed wouldnt the people at centrelink refer him to a doctor? and he said that he isnt going to go to the doctor.. Grr he really sh*ts me.. I just feel like he falls back on his excuses Which i guess if he is depressed i should be there for him ( To which I have been, I've got a fair idea why he would be depressed and I was trying to get him to talk about it when we were first together but he didnt really talk about it so i just left it as i didnt wanna make him upset..)
I feel bad because im hi-jacking your thread

[Calluna]

Allycat- he cant afford the forklift licence because we have no income. it's a never ending cycle. He's got an appointment with his job agency next week so I've told him to see if they can help him with that. Because they do things like that but it's quite exxy so I'm not sure.

Lol @ withholding sex! We've DTD 4 times in the last year I dont think that's gonna work.

Retrogal- it's ok I promise, it's the same topic anyway, so not really a hijack.
what about a psychologist? Which is what the doc would most likely give a referral for anyway, I dont know hun, you cant really help people who wont help themselves.
how does he feel towards your bub? Would giving it (for lack of a better word) a better life be an incentive, does he realise how expensive a baby/ child can be?

Please dont feel obligated to answer my million questions, I'm just trying to think of ways you could motivate him

[Heaven]

Ask him what his plan is?? Is it to live at his parents forever and never have a job?? Or maybe he has an idea of what he wants to do. If he does tell him to hurry up and get on with it if he wants a baby, LOL.
If he has no idea maybe you could both come up with some options together. Maybe having a bigger picture of where he eventually wants to be will motivate him instead of concentrating on just getting any old job. Might feel like he's working towards something if he has a goal if that makes sense?

It is not reasonable for him to expect to live at his parents for much longer with one baby let alone two!! Give him a kick up the bum.

[retrogal]

Retrogal- it's ok I promise, it's the same topic anyway, so not really a hijack.
what about a psychologist? Which is what the doc would most likely give a referral for anyway, I dont know hun, you cant really help people who wont help themselves.
how does he feel towards your bub? Would giving it (for lack of a better word) a better life be an incentive, does he realise how expensive a baby/ child can be?

Please dont feel obligated to answer my million questions, I'm just trying to think of ways you could motivate him

He loves the baby and cant wait to meet her.
Not too sure about a psychologist.. He wont even go to the doctor.. which irritates me... i get where your coming from about not being able to help someone who wont help themselves...

He has said to me he "will" (be the word) get a job after he has finished paying off the stuff he needs to and also said it was better to pay it off while being a on centrelink to which i agreed but he HAS to get a job next year. I've told him that i intend to BF for as long as bubs wants and i will be at home with bubs. He just basically wants to go straight to the top where work is concerned and I've told him to be more involved with his job agency to which he replies they havent helped me for the last so often years so why would they start. Grr i keep saying to him maybe if they knew your situation then maybe they can help but HE needs to put more effort in aswell. Its just not up to the job agency to find him a job.. It takes two.. Just like making a baby..
I Actually told him when we found out we were expecting that if he doesnt have a job come october then i would leave him.. Thinking that would make him realise he needs to get a job.. but No it didnt & i was serious about it, he just doesnt see it.
I dont think he knows how much his life is going to change once bubs is here.. He really doesnt get it.. Me on the other hand I know ill have sleepless nights etc..

[Calluna]

Heaven- had that convo a hundred times too, it just doesn't get through.
Thanks though.

Retrogal- yay for loving your little girl .
That's what I thought you'd say re the psych. Just thought it's a different kind of doctor so might be different.

Maybe he needs that time away from you to see what he's risking? Not saying I think that you should end things just show him your serious and it wasn't an empty threat, IYKWIM?
To me, as an outsider, it seems that he's just not taking it seriously and cant be bothered thinking about it so just isn't, either that or it's daunting and he doesn't want to know about it.

I dont know hun. I'm far from an expert in this and you'd probably get better answers from people who have experience with this rather than me. Could you speak to your doctor about it? Maybe they would have a way that you can get him to take his depression seriously and encourage him to get help?

Big 's, sorry I couldn't really help.

[~Lashes~]

Allycat- he cant afford the forklift licence because we have no income. it's a never ending cycle. He's got an appointment with his job agency next week so I've told him to see if they can help him with that. Because they do things like that but it's quite exxy so I'm not sure.

how did he go asking them about the course? we are in a similar situation, only we moved out of his dads 2 yrs ago. if his job agencey say no to the course, go directly to centerlink, df's employment worker was all for providing him with a course, so long as it was one of her chosing. he has recently started working casualy, but has been told he needs to do a chainsaw course to get the job full-time. he spoke to the employment lady, who sent him to a traning center for a course on how to do resumes! he went back to her, only to be told thats the best she can do. can you belive that!! any way he went to centerlink, and told them about the 2 courses, but how he only needs the one now, and once he has done it can save for the seccond (they are $6grand each) they now have him on the list for a course next week!
it took a lot of pressuring and running back and forth, but he now has his foot in the door to getting us off centerlink!!
hope he finds something he can do to bring in the $$ for you soon!