Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Grr! GET A JOB!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Brisbane, QLD
    Posts
    5,171

    Default Grr! GET A JOB!

    I'm not really sure if this is the right place but it doesn't seem to fit anywhere else either....

    DF wants another baby. He tells me all the time. And TBH so do I! I'm a bit apprehensive about my ability to care for another as DS takes so much of my time (read: all of my time) as it is, but I'm sure I could make it work. After all many others do it.

    The problem is that we *still* live with DF's parents! He doesn't have a job and is doing the bare minimum required by centrelink to get one. He just doesn't care! I HATE living with his parents, I HATE living off centrelink, I HATE living week to week and wondering where our next meal is going to come from!

    I'm sick of it and now he wont shut up about having another baby.



    So DF- If you want another baby so badly GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET A JOB SO WE CAN AFFORD THE CHILD WE HAVE!!

    The end.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    travelling
    Posts
    9,557

    Default

    You know your right. Tell him, when he has a permanent job (which means beyond 3 months) & you guys have your own place, THEN you will be happy to have another bub, but not before then.
    Or tell him its fine if he agree's to be the SAHD doing ALL the cleaning & house work while you work.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Near the Snowies!
    Posts
    2,975

    Default

    I agree with clover...tell him you don't want to start trying for another baby until he has himself a decent job and you've moved out of his parent's place. Surely he doesn't want to live there indefinitely? big I hope he gets his bum into gear soon, trouble is you can't force him to do it or he'll probably dig his heels in even more, or will do it but won't put in the effort that is needed.

    DF wants another bub too, but I've said not until DD sleeps through the night!

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Brisbane, QLD
    Posts
    5,171

    Default

    I've tried talking to him about it so many times. According to him there's no jobs and the ones he does apply for never gets call backs from. He's soo picky and refuses to apply for anything other than 9-5 weekday jobs. But he has no quals except his MR licence and doesnt want to do much heavy lifting. This leaves him with retail and crappy, low paying delivery jobs.

    He doesn't care that he's mooching off his parents, he's never lived out of home so doesnt know the difference and has no issue with thier disgusting living standards.

    Every time he brings up having another bub I tell him we cant afford it and that's the end of the convo, it's just frustrating me cause I DO want another but we cant because he cant be bothered to get a decent job and do some old fashioned hard work.

    I want to keep BFing so cant go back to work yet otherwise I'd be right into getting myself a job.

    I know there's not much I can do, just had to vent a little before I imploded. (we need an emoticon for that )

  5. #5

    Default

    nawww hun, Dont have any advice just wanted to give you a hugeeeeeee hug!!!!

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    The Fields..
    Posts
    722

    Default

    H&Z- i know how you feel.. I'm 27wks preg with our first child.. and we are both on centrelink.. (he has been on centrelink for long enough i think) i was on my DP's back alot about getting a job once we found out we were expecting.. He just didnt see the seriousnessof the situation.. I honestly thought that him knowing we were going to have a baby he would get off his butt and get a job.. Bu he uses excuses like he is depressed (which could be half true but i dont 'think' he has actually been diagnosed) and then there is the ' no one is going to hire me as i have quite a few tattoos..) which i think is a load of bullocks.. We also live at my parents.. To which i 'hope' we can get somewhere to rent.. Grr its just so friggen annoying...

    Sorry to hi-jack your thread. Just wanted to come in here and say i know how you feel

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Bonbeach, Melbourne
    Posts
    7,177

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Heva&Zacky View Post
    I'm not really sure if this is the right place but it doesn't seem to fit anywhere else either....

    DF wants another baby. He tells me all the time. And TBH so do I! I'm a bit apprehensive about my ability to care for another as DS takes so much of my time (read: all of my time) as it is, but I'm sure I could make it work. After all many others do it.

    The problem is that we *still* live with DF's parents! He doesn't have a job and is doing the bare minimum required by centrelink to get one. He just doesn't care! I HATE living with his parents, I HATE living off centrelink, I HATE living week to week and wondering where our next meal is going to come from!

    I'm sick of it and now he wont shut up about having another baby.

    So DF- If you want another baby so badly GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET A JOB SO WE CAN AFFORD THE CHILD WE HAVE!!

    The end.
    Tell him that...exactly that! Come on man, GET A JOB (show him that hehe).

    Tell him it's not realistic to be living at his parents, with two babies, and no money. I'm sure for one baby it's not very realistic for you Sounds like he needs to broaden his mind a bit when it comes to the job-seeking and pull his finger out a bit. Yes, it IS hard to get jobs atm if you're unskilled and over a certain age...but it's sooo not impossible.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Brisbane, QLD
    Posts
    5,171

    Default

    's hun. Hijack away lol. Depression can be debilitating. I had/ have fairly bad depression but still managed to get jobs and keep them for reasonable lengths of time. Can you help him out- ask him what he's interested in/ what he'd like to do, then maybe look up a job or 2 together. Then all he has to do is apply. For me (I say for me because everyone's experience is different and I dont want to assume anything), having the motivation and the energy to do it was the hardest part and I just needed a gentle but firm push in the right direction.

    The other thing would be to get him to see a doctor and they can assess him and get him the help he needs. Wallowing around at home is not going to make things any better, for me, it makes it a hundred times worse. (I need to take my own advice re the doctor but keep putting it off

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,164

    Default

    Oh wow how irritating! If he is going to sit on his butt at home and be fussy about jobs couldn't he at least make the effort to go get his forklift license or some other kind of ticket/qualification so he can find a decent job?

    If it were me I'd be saying no sex for you until you get a job and we get our own place. THEN we can have another. See if that gets him moving LOL

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    The Fields..
    Posts
    722

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Heva&Zacky View Post
    's hun. Hijack away lol. Depression can be debilitating. I had/ have fairly bad depression but still managed to get jobs and keep them for reasonable lengths of time. Can you help him out- ask him what he's interested in/ what he'd like to do, then maybe look up a job or 2 together. Then all he has to do is apply. For me (I say for me because everyone's experience is different and I dont want to assume anything), having the motivation and the energy to do it was the hardest part and I just needed a gentle but firm push in the right direction.

    The other thing would be to get him to see a doctor and they can assess him and get him the help he needs. Wallowing around at home is not going to make things any better, for me, it makes it a hundred times worse. (I need to take my own advice re the doctor but keep putting it off
    He wants to work in cleaning re: like resturants (sp?) cleaning the hoods and that.. As his family do that.. but he doesnt udnerstand he cant just start from the top.. I dont know if he 'would' go to the doctor.. I just asked if he has been diagnosed by a doctor and he hasnt.. only by the centrelink people. I dont get it i really dont. If he was really depressed wouldnt the people at centrelink refer him to a doctor? and he said that he isnt going to go to the doctor.. Grr he really sh*ts me.. I just feel like he falls back on his excuses Which i guess if he is depressed i should be there for him ( To which I have been, I've got a fair idea why he would be depressed and I was trying to get him to talk about it when we were first together but he didnt really talk about it so i just left it as i didnt wanna make him upset..)
    I feel bad because im hi-jacking your thread

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Brisbane, QLD
    Posts
    5,171

    Default

    Allycat- he cant afford the forklift licence because we have no income. it's a never ending cycle. He's got an appointment with his job agency next week so I've told him to see if they can help him with that. Because they do things like that but it's quite exxy so I'm not sure.

    Lol @ withholding sex! We've DTD 4 times in the last year I dont think that's gonna work.

    Retrogal- it's ok I promise, it's the same topic anyway, so not really a hijack.
    what about a psychologist? Which is what the doc would most likely give a referral for anyway, I dont know hun, you cant really help people who wont help themselves.
    how does he feel towards your bub? Would giving it (for lack of a better word) a better life be an incentive, does he realise how expensive a baby/ child can be?

    Please dont feel obligated to answer my million questions, I'm just trying to think of ways you could motivate him

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    6,900

    Default

    Ask him what his plan is?? Is it to live at his parents forever and never have a job?? Or maybe he has an idea of what he wants to do. If he does tell him to hurry up and get on with it if he wants a baby, LOL.
    If he has no idea maybe you could both come up with some options together. Maybe having a bigger picture of where he eventually wants to be will motivate him instead of concentrating on just getting any old job. Might feel like he's working towards something if he has a goal if that makes sense?

    It is not reasonable for him to expect to live at his parents for much longer with one baby let alone two!! Give him a kick up the bum.

  13. #13

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    The Fields..
    Posts
    722

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Heva&Zacky View Post
    Retrogal- it's ok I promise, it's the same topic anyway, so not really a hijack.
    what about a psychologist? Which is what the doc would most likely give a referral for anyway, I dont know hun, you cant really help people who wont help themselves.
    how does he feel towards your bub? Would giving it (for lack of a better word) a better life be an incentive, does he realise how expensive a baby/ child can be?

    Please dont feel obligated to answer my million questions, I'm just trying to think of ways you could motivate him
    He loves the baby and cant wait to meet her.
    Not too sure about a psychologist.. He wont even go to the doctor.. which irritates me... i get where your coming from about not being able to help someone who wont help themselves...

    He has said to me he "will" (be the word) get a job after he has finished paying off the stuff he needs to and also said it was better to pay it off while being a on centrelink to which i agreed but he HAS to get a job next year. I've told him that i intend to BF for as long as bubs wants and i will be at home with bubs. He just basically wants to go straight to the top where work is concerned and I've told him to be more involved with his job agency to which he replies they havent helped me for the last so often years so why would they start. Grr i keep saying to him maybe if they knew your situation then maybe they can help but HE needs to put more effort in aswell. Its just not up to the job agency to find him a job.. It takes two.. Just like making a baby..
    I Actually told him when we found out we were expecting that if he doesnt have a job come october then i would leave him.. Thinking that would make him realise he needs to get a job.. but No it didnt & i was serious about it, he just doesnt see it.
    I dont think he knows how much his life is going to change once bubs is here.. He really doesnt get it.. Me on the other hand I know ill have sleepless nights etc..

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Brisbane, QLD
    Posts
    5,171

    Default

    Heaven- had that convo a hundred times too, it just doesn't get through.
    Thanks though.

    Retrogal- yay for loving your little girl .
    That's what I thought you'd say re the psych. Just thought it's a different kind of doctor so might be different.

    Maybe he needs that time away from you to see what he's risking? Not saying I think that you should end things just show him your serious and it wasn't an empty threat, IYKWIM?
    To me, as an outsider, it seems that he's just not taking it seriously and cant be bothered thinking about it so just isn't, either that or it's daunting and he doesn't want to know about it.

    I dont know hun. I'm far from an expert in this and you'd probably get better answers from people who have experience with this rather than me. Could you speak to your doctor about it? Maybe they would have a way that you can get him to take his depression seriously and encourage him to get help?

    Big 's, sorry I couldn't really help.

  15. #15

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    south eastern melbourne
    Posts
    2,533

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Heva&Zacky View Post
    Allycat- he cant afford the forklift licence because we have no income. it's a never ending cycle. He's got an appointment with his job agency next week so I've told him to see if they can help him with that. Because they do things like that but it's quite exxy so I'm not sure.
    how did he go asking them about the course? we are in a similar situation, only we moved out of his dads 2 yrs ago. if his job agencey say no to the course, go directly to centerlink, df's employment worker was all for providing him with a course, so long as it was one of her chosing. he has recently started working casualy, but has been told he needs to do a chainsaw course to get the job full-time. he spoke to the employment lady, who sent him to a traning center for a course on how to do resumes! he went back to her, only to be told thats the best she can do. can you belive that!! any way he went to centerlink, and told them about the 2 courses, but how he only needs the one now, and once he has done it can save for the seccond (they are $6grand each) they now have him on the list for a course next week!
    it took a lot of pressuring and running back and forth, but he now has his foot in the door to getting us off centerlink!!
    hope he finds something he can do to bring in the $$ for you soon!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •