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Thread: Issues for young dads

  1. #19

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    Hey Ryn how'd your DH's interview go? Are more people noticing your bump now? (not that those two are related at all. ) I guess, being so tall, you have a lot of room to tuck a baby in! I'll bet you'll be thankful for that by the time you get to nine months!
    Hope things are running smoothly at your house. Have a great day!


  2. #20

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    Thanks for asking! I think the interview went well - we're just waiting to hear. DH tried to cycle the journey this weekend but called me from outside the new work because he was almost dead, could I please pick him up. So we won't be attempting that one right off!

    As for the bump... the doctor thinks it's small as well, but the baby is bigger than average, so HA. I'm due another pop very soon though - the sciatica is about to come back (I can still walk atm, but won't be able to if it gets worse), which must mean that Liebling is running out of room in there. I've stopped wearing jumpers - I guess shivering will help me burn the extra calories and having gaping buttons (on a size 8 blouse) means people notice I've grown!

    How's all with you?

  3. #21

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    Good to hear about the interview! How long until you hear?
    Back trouble is MISERABLE! I only had a sore back towards the end of my pregnancy (last month, or so) and it was not a whole lot of fun. I found that doing dishes was the worst, so hopefully your DH can pitch in there for you. Do you see a chiropractor? I found that helpful when I was pregnant, but not everyone likes them. They say that chirporactic care can also help you have a better delivery. I have no idea if that is true, it can't hurt, I guess.
    I was just looking at the pregnancy journals, and I noticed that you had long and irregular cycles before you became pregnant - I'm in the same boat. About 30-50 days is what I usually have. Did you ever find out why that happens? I've been curious about that for a while. It seems like everyone else in the world goes by the book - 28 days to the day, but I never ever have been like that.
    I'm thinking that if you want people to notice your bump more, then I'd say go out and get some HUGE maternity shirts, and wear them everywhere, and then see what people say. I'm sure they'll see it then. Don't go around freezing your A$$ off .
    How's your DH these days with the baby issue? Do you think he's going to come around before the baby's born, or do you think that it'll really sink in when the he/she comes?
    Over here, things are going fairly well. Our house is coming along nicely. DH is working there right now (it's 8:30pm), and I really hate that, but I know it's what has to be done, and that he would really rather not be there either. The kids are asleep, and the dishes are done, and so it's not so bad to have a little time to myself. I mostly hate when he comes home, wolfs down his supper and runs out the door again, leaving me with the mess and the kids to deal with. But as I said, he'd rather not, and hopefully it will all be worth it when the house is done. I''m afraid it will get worse before it gets better, though, because he is planning to do a lot of the finishing work himself. We are putting in wide pine plank floors ourselves, as well as doing all the painting and trim work, and Dh plans to build the kitchen cabinets too. He took an oak tree from a friend's woods and sent it to the mill for that. (He's done it before in our other house, so I know he can do it, and it will be beautiful, but it's SUCH a big job! He's going to have a breakdown at the end of this!) He's a little stressed right now too, because we have a friend working on the house who is charging us by the hour and is not doing a good job and is taking FOREVER. He is really frustrated about it, but doesn't want to make the other guy upset by firing him or complaining about the work, because we will see them every week at church. I've told him that it's not wrong to ask for things to be done properly at least, if not quickly, but he just doesn't want to go there right now, I guess. We'll have to see what happens when the bill comes!
    Right now we are living in a little apartment, which is kind of cold, and certainly not beautiful, but really cheap, since it is owned by someone who goes to my parents' church, and so we are thankful to have it! I am really looking forward to the house being done though, and having our own space again. We can hear noise from downstairs all the time, and it makes me wonder how much they hear from us too.
    Marieke has an ear infection and a bad cold right now, which is not too much fun, but the antibiotics are starting to help, and so that really improves things. She is sleeping a lot better, which means that I am sleeping better too!
    So that's a quick run down of how things are over here - much better as far as our relationship goes. And I don't know exactly what made me feel better. Probably hormones. Generally, DH and I have an exceptionally good relationship, which is good, 'cause I sure am miserable when things are tense between us! It takes a little work, but it's worth it. I think it also had something to do with reading again from a book that I really liked about a woman who was sent away from her husband and baby, and it just made me so glad that I had a husband and babies right here! (the book is called "Sotah" by Naomi Ragen (sp?) by the way. It has a happy ending. )
    Hope all is well! Have a great day.

  4. #22

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    You poor love with your DH - mine has been similar at times; in the summer when he's "working" on his car especially, or if his parents want him round there in the evening. Usually now he plays on the computer - so I only really "see" him at dinner time, even though he's sat a couple of feet away from me (if that makes sense). I know it's a high-stress job, but even so!

    I hope your house is finished soon, and I agree about sub-standard work. You have children it is going to affect: you need it sorted now! I've told DH before about what he's doing, that it won't suit me, and he gets in a grump, even though I'm right (we almost had a bathroom sink you couldn't use unless you stood in the bath or squeezed in - would not have suited me at all!). Even working on the house in which we live meant I didn't see him that much, I'd hate it if he were working on one far away. Although in early pregnancy, it would be nice not to be told I couldn't use the loo between the hours of 4pm (after work) to 7am the next morning.

    We hear noise from upstairs a lot - music before they go out clubbing/pubbing and a lot of running around in an evening like a baby elephant. I think it's normal when you live with other people, and I'm aware they can hear us if we have the radio/TV too loud, or when my parents visit (they're loud people!). But fair's fair - we both hear each other and it's not stupid amounts of noise. I would be mad if it were "boom-boom" music every night until 12ish, but it isn't. And babies can get pretty loud, so I am making very sure we don't complain about noise! Pot and kettle and all that!

    DH has had an offer from his brother's work: low-stress and not so much work to do, but not as much of a pay-rise. We're waiting to hear back from the main one now - they'll have to offer more than BiL's work, but it's more stress (though less than his current job) and more responsibility, but I reckon that will be better for his CV.

    As for my cycles, I *think* I've figured it out. They were 41-45 days, but the last cycle I would have missed a bleed. I did think at the time that DH caused it by having sex LOL! I had the PMS at the usual time and the back pains, they all went away at the usual time, and I had none of those problems when I did have my period after 8 weeks. Anyway, looking back, there were always about 6 weeks between ovulations for the last few cycles. Don't know if I'm right, but it's a good working theory. I also put it down to my weight (my BMI was about 19 - OK, so my weight was about 9st10, but I'm tall) and coming off the Pill. Although my cycles were 3-7 weeks pre-pill, usually about 5-6 weeks, so maybe that's just normal for me. If I could be bothered I'd try putting on weight and see what happened, but I just can't be doing with putting on weight just to have more periods.

    DH... I *finally* remembered all my man-management stuff! You don't ask, you tell. So I don't want a kiss goodbye in the morning, we want a kiss - so he has to kiss me and the bump. I tell him what his "two favourite people" have done in the day. I just keep telling him how much he loves the baby and it seems to work a bit better - for him, I don't know, but for me it works wonders! Cos he can't contradict me and say we're not his two favourite people! I think he is being less grumpy now, which helps too, but I must confess I tend to manage men like I would do a 2-year-old (including my boss) and that's what seems to work best. I tried to treat my DH like an adult and it all went wrong! (Seriously, give him no choice over what I cook for dinner, give him clean clothes, ask him what he did with his friends, tell him what I want him to do in the next five minutes, never booking up more than an hour ahead, keeping the sole diary and not letting him book things up... actually works a lot better than asking his opinion!)

    Anyway, I'm more relaxed at home, which is fab, and I've stopped caring about work, which is even better. Can't wait until I leave! Just 4 weeks 2 days to go! Huzzah!

  5. #23

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    Hey Ryn! How's it going with your DH? I believe I read elsewhere (things I'm thankful for...) that he's improving. Hope so.
    I was wondering - what, besides rest, do you have in mind for after work/before baby? I used my time making things for my daughter, and loved it, because I felt like I got something done, while still being able to rest. (doing nothing makes me feel like a lump.) I can't knit to save my life, but I tried crocheting, and made a little jacket and a baptism blanket for her. I also made a quilt for her crib. Great fun!
    Great news on the car too, BTW!
    Hope all is well.

  6. #24

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    All is fab, thanks. DH is, for some reason, getting really excited now. He's really cute when he's being a proud dad - sadly I usually only see that around my family, but he has taken to stroking the bump and whatnot - even asking me what's wrong when I give a little "aaagh!" of pain with the whole back thing. I think getting all the car stuff sorted out has really made him relax a bit.

    He has ended up taking a promotion at his current work - he gets to continue his studies and a payrise above what he'd have gotten for moving, so we're hoping he does get this in the new year now. If not, he's off again. So fingers crossed his work come out OK!

    January... once Christmas is over, I'll be packing up the tree (take one 7m preg woman, one 6'6 Christmas Tree, one huge entertainment centre to move... and get a DH who comes home to ask "what have you done all day?"), buying the nappies and the travel system for Liebling, then after the baby shower I'll be shopping in the sales for any extra clothes I need. I don't want too many! Then I'll be freezing down meals, washing all the clothes and nappies, getting the house "perfect" and, I hope, having a few rest days. I'm hoping to get a few books and films for Christmas to keep me going for that last month otherwise I'll be calling up the radio station to argue with everyone on the political show LOL.

    If I have the time, I may start making a birth sampler for the baby, but it will be hard to put in the name and details after the birth... maybe I should do it and give it to my sister to finish off for me!

  7. #25

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    So glad things are going well Ryn! Sounds like you are going to be hopping once work is done. Don't over do it! But it is nice to be able to stay busy during the last few weeks, 'cause for me, anyways, they were the longest of the whole pregnancy.
    How is your back holding out? Are you getting used to driving your huge new vehicle? I have to say that I love my tiny car, even though it is a pain to get the kids in and out. I'm sure I'll enjoy a van when we get one someday, for all the extra space, but for now, I really enjoy the gas mileage, and being able to maneuver so easily.
    Our house is coming along nicely - the drywall is being finished now, so we will be picking colours soon. DH ended up just telling the guy who was working on the outside of our house (the one who is a friend, but who wasn't doing a good job, and was taking FOREVER) that he would just finish the work himself. So that issue was sort of resolved, although it put even more on his plate, poor man, and he's already overworked and exhausted. He and the girls have all been sick and are on antibiotics. I can't wait for this to be done - and I think the biggest part of DH's work is coming yet! But hopefully the winter will be cold or wet enough that he won't be able to work (he works outside) and so will be able to give lots of daytime hours to the house, and not so much evening work. He is paid on salary, so it won't matter to us if he doesn't put hours in at the jobsite.
    We've started some of our Christmas/Sinterklaas celebrations. We exchanged gifts with our own family, and got together with my side of the family last week. Both were quite nice, although I was pretty disappointed that DH didn't get me anything. I think he felt really bad, 'cause the next day he came home early and brought roses for me, which was sweet. This coming Saturday we will be celebrating with DH's family. That will be pretty small and simple, 'cause two of his sisters have just about disowned his parents. Very sad. His mom and dad are kind, generous, loving parents, and his sisters have thrown it all in their faces, and refuse to talk to them. LOOOOOONNNGGG story.
    Well, I better run - I was stealing a few minutes at the computer while the girls slept, but I hear Marieke fussing, so that's the end of my coffee time.
    Have a great day!

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