Just told my parents....

[ss_storm]

Well one half anyway! Told my mum on Friday that we are expecting...I got pretty much the reaction we had expected. She sounded very disappointed, like I have done another wrong by them, then started going on about how young I am (it's not like I am 16 years old, and I am in a committed relationship) and money etc etc (told her there is always ebay and garage sales, and we aren't struggling we live comfortably and the bills are paid).

I have had a few issues in the last couple of years with my parents- me moving in with my then BF, now fiance, then leaving uni, then getting engaged, and now this. It's just so frustrating, I would like them to be supportive and even if they don't agree with my decisions, at least act like they are happy for us. I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions and living with the consequences.

I didn't tell the whole truth...which is that I went off the pill, I thought it just might be easier to let her think that I was still on the pill when it happened, and tbh does it really matter if I was or wasn't The point is, it has happened, we are happy, once again everyone else we have told except my parents have been happy for us.

I haven't told my dad yet, but I am expecting the same reaction, if not worse...but luckily they live 6 hours away so there's not much they can do..lol
People have told me it will be different once the baby is here, but I don't see that it will change...just for once I wish they could be positive about something, and not seeing the negatives all the time!

My DF's mum has been fantastic, I've told her before I wish she was my mum So at least we know we can always rely on her for support. I just wish my parents would be happy for us!! Argh! We are spending a couple of days with them for christmas, I am dreading the approximately 48 hours we will be spending with them...I just know it is going to feel so awkward.

Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far... it would be great if anyone has some tips for how to deal with them? (apart from not talking to them at all...that would be a good option! )

[visitor1]

it would be great if anyone has some tips for how to deal with them? (apart from not talking to them at all...that would be a good option!

A very good option....worked on my parents...but its not the nicest thing to do..LOL

As you said, your an adult not a child, whilst you are only 20 you seem mature enough to do your own thing and at the end of the day its your life and body to make these decisions not your parents. I hope they see sense and support you and DF through this pregnancy and beyond *hugs*

[Kazmar]

ss_storm- Your story and the reactions in it are extreamly normal! I think most of the young parents out there would relate 100% to you story.

It should go something like this, 1st finding out, they are mad etc etc, then start to calm, then come to terms with it, then start to get excited

My tip to you is, dont take offense to anything they say out of shock. This is THEIR baby who is having one and they only want whats best for you
Im not sure why most parents see their children having a baby at any age over 20 as a negative thing. But its just the way it is and as long as you keep your cool and believe in what you're doing then they'll have no chioce but to follow.

Now all I have to do is take my own advice seen as we're trying for #2 haha

If you would like to chat to someone who has done it and will have to do again, soon my msn addy is yatesjasper@hotmail.com, if you have msn of course

[Isadora]

I feel very sad for you, because if there was ever a time you need your mum the most, its now as you go through your pregnancy. Its a shame your mum hasnt come to her senses yet and realised that.

I must admit when we first told my parents we were 21, my mum was fine but my dad was 'dissapointed'. However these days you wouldnt know it, he is so proud of DD and loves her to bits. So hopefully as your pregnancy progresses they will start getting excited and supportive. Also I know how it feels when your partners parents are so happy about it and your own parents are not, I guess in a way you feel let down.

So yep I agree with mamakass, majority of young couples go through this when they announce their pregnancy, but time will make it better.

[VanillaLilly]

I just wanted to send you out a big

When I feel preg with my first ( was 17) all I got from my mum was "well you just ruined your life"
So I know how you feel hun, dont let them get to you, enjoy your pregnancy and if they want to be like that just dont update them on anything.

Im now 30 and pregnant with my fourth and still havnt told my mum cos I know her reaction will be negative, I can never to right by my mum

Hope your pregnancy is a smooth and healthy one and Im sure your parents will come round. Mind did and they couldnt' get enough of my firstborn when i had her.

[nanananny]

then started going on about how young I am...

Years ago this was the norm. My FS told me the best age to fall pg was between 18 & 25


Congratulations on getting pg

[rhyb]

Hey honey I know where you're coming from. I fell pregnant with DS at 17 and my family were horrible at first but as time passed they got more into it. Now (DS is almost 6 months) they love being grandparents, great grandparents, etc. Just give em time and don't let em get you down.

[Catastrophic]

Oh hun don't take too much notice! She is properly just in shock i was 19 when i fell pregnant with my first and my mum laughed then said most of the things your mum did :P Dam mothers know how to hurt! But i just left her for a while waited till she called me and we started talking then she got more excited then me!!! and now i'm 22 expecting my 2nd and she managed a congrats! but it took a couple of days of sinking in, and now shes already talking about moving closer! LOL!

Parents are strange little creatures! They want to be happy for you but the whole omg this is my baby having a baby sends them into a bit of shock and denile i think!

Just give your mum some time, talk about bubs when she is ready and i bet in now time shes going to be the one calling you up to talk about babies

Take care and i wish you a H&H pregnancy congrats!

[Early Kids]

Darl, I'm sorry your mum reacted the way she did, I really hope that once she gets over the initial shock that she will be excited as you are.

My dad was excited when I told him I was pg with Brendan, but reacted less excited this time. But he's very reserved and believes in the whole marriage before babies thing Although I was born out of wedlock! Anyhoo he will come round soon.... I know he will.

[Kailani]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

I'm sorry that your Mum reacted like that! When I told my family, there was no "congratulations", it was more just shock and disbelief and then..."omg what about uni" I think you're doing a great job and all I can say is just keep doing what you're doing, you're in a good place atm and I agree 20 is a good age to have a baby! My midwife told me that I was at a great age to have a baby and that made me feel so good as most of the comments I get are "Oh I didn't know you were married" and "How old are you?"

I think your parents will definitely come around once your bubba arrives and if not, they are missing out

[Jewel]

Firstly, big huge congratulations on your pg! That's so exciting.

I'm sorry your parents are like that.
I really hope after they have time to let it sink in that they'll want to be involved or at least be happy for you.

I'm sorry I don't have any tips or anything to help.
I reckon when you see them and they're still doing the negativity thing, just show them how happy you really are and try not to let it get you down.


I hope the rest of your pg goes fantastically!!

[ss_storm]

Thanks everyone Guess I will just have to wait and see if they get over it...lol At least they are 6 hours drive away, so it's not like we have to see them all that often.
And in a strange way, I think it will make me a better parent too, I kind of know what not to do! I understand it must be a shock for them, but having kids is sort of the next logical step, I know I would much rather be a younger grandparent if I was in their shoes (not that they are even old, but it's not like they are going to be 70 or 80 and being unable to play with them...). I guess the next 7 months will tell!

Thanks again for all your lovely words, it really does make a difference when you know that others have also experienced what you have, and that there is lots of support out there (even if it doesn't always come in parental form! Lol).

[ladybird11]

Hun, you'll probably find that no matter how old you are - you'll get the same reactions from your parents no matter what the topic is...! It's probably just their personality.

DP is now 37 and his mother still (apparently) knows whats best for him..whereas my parents are more "right, so you're moving house - what can we do to help - do you need any boxes" etc...."right, DD needs a swing - i'll make one"....

Unfortunately you can't pick and choose 'em eh???

Show your abilities to be a wonderful mother and make them eat their words....(Remind them that there are plenty of pathetic 30yr old mothers out there too - I'm a cop, I've seen it first hand! Raising kids in conditions I wouldn't let my dogs live amongst!)...

[BeautifulMadness]

my mum was the same when i told her abt my 1st pregnancy. but after the shock she was fine with it. maybe give her a bit of time for it to sink in for her and see how it goes.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

SS Storm - my mum was OK with it, but her sister decided to ask me if DS was planned - and my mother stuck up for her! An understandable question, apparently! I was 25, married and mortgaged! Sort of expected I thought, at least it was to my dad's side who were all really thrilled for me.

My parents are in their early 50s and fantastic grandparents (now we've straightened a few things out, such as I am the Mummy!). DS knows his great grandad M and great grandma H. PiL are in their mid-60s and RUBBISH grandparents (great PiL though) because they just don't do anything with us.

[Mum030709]

SS Storm -- I can somewhat relate to you..
I am 28yrs old & my mother is STILL trying to control my life.. Well she was until recently..
My most recent surprise has really made me stand up for myself & my little family, my mother has being unsupportive from the moment I told her (and she wonders why it took me 7wks to tell her! - i was 13wks at the time).. She has only just recently given up on trying to talk me into a termination!

Just think about it like I have, if she doesn't come around, it will be sad indeed, but she is the one who will miss out..
Best of luck with telling your Dad
And it's fantastic to read you have such wonderful support from DF's mum..

[Footsteps]

my mum wants me to have a baby and im 20..21 soon lol. but then again my sis had my nephew at 21 and niece when shed just turned 22. me and mark have been together 3 yrs...parents eh?? i hope you are ok enjoy your pg huni. im the only 1 out of my sisters who hasent got a baby. the youngest sister had her baby the 9th dec 08 and turned 20 10 days later. so i think young mums run in our fam lol.
if you want to vent vent away..understand totally
rach xxx

[Indadhanu]

Hi hun,

I just turned 22 in Sept., am in a lesbian relationship, and just had a bub. LOL! My parents had the same reaction to me starting a relationship with Shel, moving in, and the getting pregnant (which, obviously, wasn't an accident!).

When I told them I was pregnant, they were angry, upset, disappointed (I hadn't told them we were trying)... It did get worse as the weeks went by, and by 20 weeks I wasn't talking to them at all. When we found out Jazz was a girl we didn't tell them. My sis told them though, and I think it finally sunk in that if they want anything to do with their grandchild they need to make an effort.

It has been VERY slow progress, as we are all tentatively building our relationship again. However, they loved Jazz from day one, actually they drove 2 hours to see us for 20 minutes in the hospital. This time last year I was 8-9 weeks pergnant, and I couldn't see how they would ever come around or change, and TBH I thought this was the end of my relationship with them. But they did.

I think the initial shock of "oh my goodness my baby is having a baby", and letting go of the fact that they aren't in charge any more, that you have a life independant of them, that you don't actually NEED to be under their wing anymore, is something that is hard.

I hope they realise sooner rather than later that your life will continue with or without them.

xoxoxoxo