yes Salsa it is about finding women in the right 'stage' of life as you not so much age, its just getting the other women to see that! like the older women. We are all the same mental age all have mortgages, husbands and children. but they can't see past the fact that im almost 10years younger than them.
I dont find it so much of an age thing all the time. I would class someone as a young mum if they were under 25 (usually when your under 25 is when you get the dirty looks). I went to TAFE with a 37 yr old and i was 18 and we were great friends, she had a daughter the same age as mine so it worked out great, she was single/seperated and didnt act so much like a 37 yr old, honestly when she told me her age i was shocked, i thought she was more like 27. hehe
It's all about finding someone who has things is common with you and not necessarily the same age although i admit she is my only friend who isnt under 25.
Yes Smoz, I totally get that - the woman I met when I was having DS who were already in their 30`s were not that uncommon to me in the sense that I was married, had a mortgage, having child, professional partner, I had traveled and lived o/s, but they didnt give it a chance to get to know me and find that stuff out. They made judgmental assumptions and I ended up thinking I was better off not bothering making anymore effort with them. It was hard going and fustrating and lonely at the time.
I did end up making a good friend, who was a few years older than me and had a baby at the same time. And her friends who were older also, were open to me, I suppose because I already knew her.
She is still a very good friend, and I love that we have similar interests and boys the same age.
....None of this making friends business was helped by the fact that people thought I looked younger than I was too!!!
I hope 21 is still a young mum!! Or else im getting old....
I had my 1st at 17 and was DEFINATELY a young mum then... was often looked down upon etc. but im 21 now and had my 2nd at 20, and although i dont feel AS young... i dont feel old either! hopefully im still considered a young mum! coz i dont think i would fit in anywhere else
Jess, your same like me. lol. Except im now 21 and having my 2nd.
You should come join us for chats in the younger couples chat (we still chatting in the july thread. lol)
I never joined a young mothers group but when I did antenatal classes at 17, as soon as everyone found out how old I was, they stopped speaking to me (even though the people I spoke to were only a few years older than me).
thought i'd pop in and say hi!! i guess like a few of you, i have been existing in a no (wo)man's land' as regards the age thing. my DH is 12 years older than me and ppl just assume that i am similar in age to him (man i must look old LOL!). so when they find out that i am in my (now) mid 20s they have that startled expression and then look to my DD to just double check her age and that she is in fact there.
i was 23 when i fell pg with DD (we had been trying for almost 2 years due to a shortened biological clock on my front). i lived in canberra during the pg and the first few months of her life and i have to say that i felt really on the outer. medically they LOVED me (again, assuming) as my OB and middies said that because of my age i will have a great pg and birth (no major complaints have to say), but when it came time to meeting other mums in groups it was always a barrier to our friendships as they were all significantly older (usually mid to late 30s and early 40s). i dont view this as an inhibitor to friendship or solidarity, but it was to them. i used to get really annoyed by comments such as 'oh, you're so mature and look what a great job you do with your DD'...WTF??!
uurghh sorry for the ramble! Just glad i found somewhere where i am in a peer group!
i think it is also tricky as some of you have mentioned that not many of our friends are having babies due to the age. i am sure they will start popping soon seeing as we are entering the late 20s etc, but it was isolating being the first and having to deal with the silent phone and empty invites (that is until they realised that DD wasnt contagious and going to make them pg! LOL!).
Interesting reading everyones experiences. I was def a young mum for my first, I was 16 when I fell pregnant and turned 17 3 months before he was born. Gained a stepson the same year, at 19 we had our 3rd and at 20 I had our 4th... I was still under 21 so still part of the young womens clinic at hospital and everyone was always godsmacked when I'd say I'm 20 with 4.
Now 23 with #5 on the way I definitely dont feel young anymore until I'm next to 30-40 yr olds at school who have children in my boys classes at school, then I feel like a baby! At hospital all the staff know me and have thought its quite amusing its taken my 4th baby for me to be 'too old' for the young womens clinic!
I had the opposite problem to some with my young mum groups.. at 16 I did young parent antenatal classes and everyone esle in the group was 20-22, all had partners and all planned pregnancys... I felt so young and alone and was judged so badly because I was so much younger, single and unplanned pregnancy. I totally resented that they could be in the group for young mums when to me they seemed to old and like they had it all together.
Too look back now I do think under 21 is young to have a first baby but over 21 doesnt seem so young. I really wouldnt class anyone my age having there first as a young mum, younger than average maybe but not young iykwim
I'm 19 and i've just found out that i'm pregant. I'm ecstatic!! My Aunt at a family picnic who's also pregant and is due a month or two before me was kind of mean to me the other day. But as i told my partner, yes, i may be 19, but i feel ready to be a mother, and i dont need other people to tell me whether i am or aren't.
i am looking for a group of some kind on the brisbane northside, so if anyone knows of any, could they please tell me?
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As if your age really makes a difference to who you are.
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